Saturday, June 27, 2009

Wonderland!

alice
'But I don’t want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
'Oh, you can’t help that,' said the Cat.
'We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.'
'How do you know I’m mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,' said the Cat. 'or you wouldn’t have come here.'

~Lewis Carroll

“Madness in great ones must not unwatched go.”

~William Shakespeare

Captain Eo

Here we have, for your viewing pleasure, the full version of a 1986 short film featuring Michael Jackson, called Captain Eo. Included is the song We Here To Change The World. This is part one:



And this is part two:



Michael Jackson, what an interesting person! What a unique and strange life this man lived. Whatever else you have to say about the King of Pop, the man was one hell of a singer and dancer...no one else did it better. Rest in peace Michael.

One of my favorites was Thriller, here's a link to the video at YouTube: Thriller.

More About Brains

While we're on the subject of brains, here's something silly. These images show the differences between the male and the female brain.

female_brain


I don't quite know what to make of it because there is NO room in my brain for "handbags" or "shopping" both of which I hate and detest. So... either my brain is defective.. or the person who thought this up is an idiot.

male_brain


The diagram of the male brain, on the other hand, was amazingly accurate.

Too much thinking can rot your brain!

I just finished reading an article by Amrito MD, over at Osho.com. Here are some of the high points:

  • Recent research has now established that thinking too much can rot the brain.
  • Just as hard labor leaves marks on the hands, hard thinking leaves marks on the brain.
  • It appears that chemicals excreted by thinking cells may not be cleared away quickly enough and may poison and kill the brain cells.
  • Men's brains rot a lot faster than women's.
Isn't this fun to know?
It's almost a no brainer!

My Osho Card For Today

To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master. The psychotherapist simply patches you up. That is his function. He is not there to transform you. You need a meta-psychology, the psychology of the buddhas.

It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed. Your chaos is very ancient - for many, many lives you have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when you enter into it with your small capacity, of course there is danger. But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.

Zen, or meditation, is the method which will help you to go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, disciplined, alert. The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.

~Osho

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Clueless

This pretty much sums me up today!

cluelessness

CLUELESSNESS

There are no stupid questions
But there are ALOT of inquisitive idiots

Mongolian Felt Making

Ok, so I wanted to make up for the sheep testicle video... and article about eating testicles... and the concrete sheep with the large testicles.... so I'm uploading this educational video on felt making.

Have you ever made felt? It's not hard, all it takes is time and elbow grease... oh, and wool. I went to a felt making class once. It was a lot of fun. I made a pair of boots that were really cool. I wonder where they are...

Concrete Sheep


Somewhere in Australia there is a really large concrete Merino sheep. He does have quite a look of superiority, doesn't he?

Well, go around to his back side, and you can see why! Look at those testicles! Wow!

My friend Daniel was wondering why sheep have such large testicles, and the answer is that the rams with the largest testicles sire the most fertile ewes. Also, apparently, in some circles, people like to eat them.

Hundreds line up to try sheep testicles


Hundreds of people queued up in lines for up to an hour at the 16th annual Mountain Oyster Fry event in Nevada, to try something a little bit different.

On the menu were sheep testicles, also known as 'fried oysters', and servers at the five food booths got through approximately 60kg of the delicacies.

The tiny morsels can be fried, barbecued, stuffed, ground up and even sautéed.

Visitors had mixed reviews after tasting the sheep testicles, but Amanda Palmer, 21, from Carson City had no problem eating them.

'People think, "Oh sheep testicles, gross", but it was pretty good,' she said.

Dan Herron, 32, from Reno, wasn't a fan, even though he was spending his fourth year at the festival barbecuing the meat.

'It's disgusting. It's like peeling a big grape,' he said when describing the process of skinning and preparing the testicles.

Believe it or not, the meat is pretty versatile and has also been used in tacos and sloppy joes (a hot sandwich).

Shauna Reese, 32, from Reno, said: 'We try to get families from all over to try them, but they're all "nuh-uh". It's just another tender meat.'

(This is old news - way back in March of 07. But I'm posting it here to give a little bit of credibility to my post on pulling out sheep testicles with your teeth.)

How To Pull Sheep Testicles Out With Your Teeth

Why am I uploading this video? Only Daniel knows. I don't even know because I haven't even watched it. But... on an internet search gone bad, I did find this video... so here ya go!



Ok, so it looks like the above video isn't working - but guess what? I found another one... the title of it is different, but it's the same one I think. Here it is. If you enjoy it, I'm sorry for you!!

Learn Chinese in Five Minutes



English Phrase
- Chinese Version


That's not right
- Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?
- Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP
- Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man
- Dum Fuk

Small Horse
- Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?
- Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table
- Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift
- Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here
- Wao So Dim

I thought you were on a diet
- Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone
- No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week
- Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight
- Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile
- Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive
- Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great
- Fa Kin Su Pah

You can do it!
Try reading each lesson out loud.

The Donkey In The Well


I found this in my inbox today - enjoy!

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
  • Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
  • Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
  • Live simply and appreciate what you have.
  • Give more. Expect less

Enough of that crap . .. . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

My Name Has Power - Check it out!

Your Name's Power is Optimism


Your name's power is that it helps you be optimistic.
Your name conveys both endurance and devotion.
People who meet you can't help but think you are fiery.
You try to live your life in a solid, connected way.


Saturday, June 20, 2009

Three Quotes

I uploaded a bunch of quotes today, over at Way Cool Quotes, and these three from Caroline Myss really spoke to me. I thought I'd share them here. They really hit the spot for me today!

.

"Therefore, when you enter into anything, as a frightened being,
that contract you make with another person out of fear, has to fall apart."

~ Caroline Myss

.

"Contain your experience with the divine
so that it does not escape you but rather shapes you.
Be silent.
Silence will help you avoid engaging in the games of competition and illusion
that regularly seduce us in the outside world.
Silence also helps you avoid distraction.
It helps focus the busy mind -
the mind that always has to be doing something, thinking something,
the mind that always has to be otherwise engaged
lest it become introspective and allow the soul's voice to override its own.
The silence I am describing is a silence that you use
to contain the grace you receive when you enter the Castle of your soul.
This quality of silence allows you to engage in discernment.
You carry this silence within you, even when you are with others.
It allows you to hold your center amid the chaos of your life;
it keeps you clear so that you do not do or say things you will regret
or make decisions out of fear. "

~ Caroline Myss

.

"Do you really want to look back on your life
and see how wonderful it could have been
had you not been afraid to live it."

~ Caroline Myss

Playing the Emotions Game

I meant to upload this the other day when I was obsessing over emotions, and then I got so emotional that I forgot all about it!! So here ya go:

Ok, so maybe you don't want to actually experience your emotions. That's cool. Here's a game you can play - online - what a great way to avoid actually FEELING anything while still being able to SAY that you WORKED with a wide variety of EMOTIONS! Interested? Here's the link.

Metaphysical Poem

When do you want to go
I'm not sure I want to go there
where do you want to go
any place
I think I'd fall apart any place else
well I'll go if you really want to
I don't particularly care
but you'll fall apart any place else
I can just go home
I don't really mind going there
but I don't want to force you to go there
you won't be forcing me I'd just as soon
I wouldn't be able to stay long anyway
maybe we could go somewhere nearer
I'm not wearing a jacket
just like you weren't wearing a tie
well I didn't say we had to go
I don't care whether you're wearing one
we don't really have to do anything
well all right let's not
okay I'll call you
yes call me

~Frank O'Hara

From The Collected Poems of Frank O'Hara.
Copyright © 1971 by Maureen Granville-Smith. Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.
Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.


If you want to hear the author reading it, you can listen to an audio clip here.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Having A Coke With You



Frank O´Hara reading his poem "Having a coke with you" in his flat in New York in 1966, shortly before his accidental death. Taken from - "USA: Poetry: Frank O'Hara" produced and directed by Richar...

This poem is about Vincent Warren, a dancer with the New York City Ballet that Frank O'Hara was in love with. It makrs the moment when O'Hara realized he was in love with him. John Ashbury had invited O'Hara along with him on a european arts jaunt (which is where the itinerary lsited in the poem comes from) and O'Hara accepted. At that very moment he realized he was in love with Vincent Warren -- and sat down and wrote this poem.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Sylvia Plath reads November Graveyard

In this poem, Sylvia talks about the cemetery in Heptonstall. She was buried there in 1963. November Graveyard The scene stands stubborn: skinflint trees Hoard last year's leaves, won't mourn...

The Truth The Dead Know

A great poem read by the poet herself, Anne Sexton...

The Worst Sympathy Letter Ever Written

Dear Edith,

I just heard the sad sad news! To say I'm sorry doesn't seem to be adequate. It's the old story, ''mere words cannot express - - "

I've thot (sic) of you so often and always going to call, but I'm sure you realize how little time I have; and it's much much more difficult since Wilbur's 2nd stroke - last January.

He can't walk at all now and sits in his wheelchair on the front porch, or inside watching television. Thank God he can still do that as he has had more brain damage.

I sleep on the davenport in living room so I can help him with the urinal every two to three hours - it eliminates a wet bed, which happened at first. I became desperate around about April or May and decided I just had to have a change, so I decided to go with the Hosp. group on their yearly trip. I talked it over with Wilbur and to my surprize (sic) he was for it emphatically!

The two weeks I toured Holland, Germany and Austria with the group Wilbur stayed at Smith Nursing Home in Skokie. He sure was happy when I came to bring him home!

I'm falling asleep writing this. Call me when you feel like it. Edith, I was thinking of you most of today before I heard the news.

Hoping your sorrow won't be too difficult to bear.

Your friend,

Lucy


P.S. I'll say a prayer for you and your son, Jimmy?

What not to say when someone is grieving.

The list of what to say or do for someone grieving is much shorter than the list of what not to say.

One of the best things to say is simply, ''I'm sorry." If you have a happy memory, share it. Most of all, listen.

"It's so important to listen and just let the person say what they need to say," said the Rev. Beth DeVan, staff chaplain for Mercy Medical Baldwin County Home Health. ''Your presence says more than anything else. And it says it better and it says it without the dangers of all those other things."

Which question or comment inflicts the most pain is hard to say, but those who've suffered significant losses have heard more than their share.

Here's a look at what not to say - and why.

1. "Are you over it yet?"

  • ''It's not a cut on the arm that gets better," said Lonn Spencer, whose 21-year-old son, Charlie, died of complications of an undetected heart condition while out running a few years ago. ''I mean, every day (you) wake up your son is not there or your daughter, and so you can't get over that. You just can't."

2. ''I know how you feel."

  • ''If you've suffered a loss then you may have an idea," said Rabbi Steven Silberman of Congregation Ahavas Chesed, ''but you don't know exactly how I feel."

3. ''God needed him more than you" or ''God needed another angel."

  • ''In my book that's not a valid explanation because I think it's just a tragedy," Spencer said.

4. ''He's in a better place."

  • ''He's not here," Spencer said. ''And he may be in a better place but he's not here that I can put my hand on him and hug him."

5. ''He's with God now."

  • ''God's eternal. And my dad's spirit is eternal. So my dad's eternal spirit is going to be with God for eternity, and so if I want my dad for another few years and my mom wants to be with her husband for another few years, you know, don't say that to me," Silberman said.

6. ''Time will heal."

  • ''It's not helpful to say soon after a death because it does sound like it trivializes the person's grief," DeVan said. ''When you start grieving it is so intense that you can't imagine life ever being different."

7. ''Well, you've got more children, don't you?" or ''Thank goodness you have your other child/ren."

  • It treats the surviving child like a spare tire, said Sarah Snell, whose son Anthony died when he was 6 weeks old. Furthermore, parents grieving the death of one child may now be particularly fearful that their other child or children may die.

8. ''It was God's will."

  • ''No one knows what God's will is but God, and it's real presumptuous," said local grief counselor Nikki MacDonald. ''It never makes the griever feel better."

Facing Your Grief

I found this article today, it was just what I needed, and spoke to me despite the strong Christian bias (which usually turns me off - pagan that I am). I'm posting it here so I can find it again, and possibly it will be something that speaks to you as well.

color living TEAN DEATH


Facing Your Grief
By: Max Lucado

“David sang this lament over Saul and his son Jonathan, and gave orders that everyone in Judah learn it by heart.” (II Samuel 1:17-18 MSG).

David called the nation to mourning. He rendered weeping a public policy. He refused to gloss over or soft-pedal death. He faced it, fought it, challenged it. But he didn’t deny it. As his son Solomon explained, “There is…a time to mourn” (Eccles. 3:1, 4 NIV).

Give yourself some. Face your grief with tears, time, and – one more – face your grief with truth. Paul urged the Thessalonians to grieve, but he didn’t want the Christians to “carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word.” (I Thessalonians 4:13 MSG).

God has the last word on death. And, if you listen, he will tell you the truth about your loved ones. They’ve been dismissed from the hospital called Earth. You and I still roam the halls, smell the medicines, and eat green beans and Jell-O off plastic trays. They, meanwhile, enjoy picnics, inhale springtime, and run through knee-high flowers. You miss them like crazy, but can you deny the truth? They have no pain, doubt, or struggle. They really are happier in heaven.

And won’t you see them soon? Life blisters by at much speed. “You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man’s life is but a breath” (Psalms 39:5 NIV).

When you drop your kids off at school, do you weep as though you’ll never see them again? When you drop your spouse at the store and park the car, do you bid a final forever farewell? No. When you say, “I’ll see you soon,” you mean it. When you stand in the cemetery and stare down at the soft, freshly turned earth and promise, “I’ll see you soon,” you speak the truth. Reunion is a splinter of an eternal moment away.

So go ahead, face your grief. Give yourself time. Permit yourself tears. God understands. He knows the sorrow of a grave. He buried his son. But he also knows the joy of resurrection. And, by his power, you will too.

From: Facing Your Giants
Max Lucado

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

And Osho Says...

Not entirely satisfied with the I Ching Oracle had to say about how to go to work tomorrow without hating everyone, I decided to pull a card from the Osho Zen Tarot. Here's the card that I pulled.

You have to look for guidance because you don't know your inner guide is hidden inside you. You have to find the inner guide, and that's what I call your witness. That's what I call your dharma, that's what I call your intrinsic buddha. You have to awaken that buddha and your life will shower blessings, benediction. Your life will become so radiant with good, with godliness, more than you can possibly conceive.

It is almost like light. Your room is dark, just bring light in. Even a small candle will do, and the whole darkness disappears. And once you have a candle you know where the door is. You don't have to think about it: "Where is the door?" Only blind people think about where the door is. People who have eyes and the light is there, they don't think. Have you ever thought, "Where is the door?" You simply get up and go out. You never give a single thought to where the door is. You don't start groping for the door or hitting your head against the wall. You simply see, and there is not even a flicker of thought. You simply go out.


Osho God is Dead: Now Zen is the Only Living Truth

So I asked the Oracle...

I asked the I Ching Oracle:
How can I go in to work tomorrow without hating everyone?
(present) 32. Heng - Constancy, Perserverance
Continue to the end because luck comes to the enduring who have faith in themselves.

(future) 48. Ching - The Well
Life is like a well. Poorly kept wells bring sickness. Maintain it properly and you will have satisfying water.


What does the Oracle hold for you?
http://luckyhonu.com/
Well
Well
Well
That's three holes in the ground.
Now you pretty much know everything I know about life is like a well.
I wonder, am I going to need a plumber?
Some chlorine maybe?
Algae eaters?
What?

Ok... so I really DO have emotions... sometimes.

face-emotion-picture-blackmaid


As some of you may remember, I spent my childhood working hard to be the "little spartan boy," and now, all these years later, he does indeed serve me well. For example:

My elderly senile dog, Jesse, fell into the pond last night and drowned. It was just awful. And then we had to bury him - I couldn't just set him aside for some future time when I was in the mood, or had the energy, the time, or the money to deal with it. And I don't have a real shovel, my shovel handles were either broken or burned earlier in the year when we had a series grass fires, so my son-in-law and I dug a hole with a pitchfork and our bare hands in the dark in wet heavy clay. And all the while, I'm feeling... well... nothing. Nothing at all. Nada.

And I thought to myself, well, that was awful, and it wasn't so bad. At least he's now in a better, happier place.

Today, however, my inner spartan let me down big time. When I get to work, and my boss was pissy and aggravated that I hadn't downloaded and transcribed by hand (my printer is on the fritz) a complete how-to on brewing kombucha tea. It was so much more important (to her) than anything that might have happened to me overnight, that suddenly, I just couldn't take it anymore. I had a meltdown and had to go home... I didn't think I would be able to stop crying, and I hate crying, especially when it's me doing it, but I did, and I got the goddamn kombucha tea recipe, posted it here, and wrote it out by hand on paper - 8 pages, I hope she enjoys her fucking tea!

So, now I have the rest of the day to get over it before I have to be at work in the morning, ready, willing, and able to work my ass off for not enough money to pay my bills, along with the required bowing and scraping, and I'm pretty sure that this is NOT what I had in mind when I planned how my life on earth would be.

And then I found a series of posts on emotions saved as drafts, here on shirleytwofeathers... so... I thought, well... I'm actually FEELING my emotions, might as well post about them, huh? I even found a color wheel, and an alphabetical listing of emotions - I thought I'd go through the list and pick out the ones I'm feeling in the moment:
  • Anger
  • Bitterness
  • Depression
  • Frustration
  • Grief
  • Guilt
  • Hate
  • Inadequate
  • Negativity
  • Pain
  • Self-pity
  • Suffering
  • Vulnerable
  • Yearning

Whoa Nelly! Sure looks like I'm brewing up quite a stew! Aren't you glad you're not in the room with me right now? You'd probably shrivel up and die from all the negative vibes I'm emanating!! I'll be much easier to be around when I'm back to my normal self - and if you want to know what that looks like - here's a picture.

A Guide To My Emotions

In case you're wondering, here's a guide to my emotions. It comes complete with pictures, captions, and a kitty!

guide_to_my_emotions

Emotions - More Than You Ever Wanted To Know

Now that we're on the subject of emotions, I might as well upload this:

Human emotions have deep evolutionary roots, a fact that may explain their complexity. What is an emotion? More than 90 definitions have been offered over the past century, and there are almost as many theories of emotion—not to mention a complex array of overlapping words in our languages to describe them. Robert Plutchik offers an integrative theory based on evolutionary principles. Emotions are adaptive—in fact, they have a complexity born of a long evolutionary history—and although we conceive of emotions as feeling states, Plutchik says the feeling state is part of a process involving both cognition and behavior and containing several feedback loops.

The Nature of Emotions


This three-dimensional model describes the relations among emotion concepts, which are analogous to the colors on a color wheel. The cone’s vertical dimension representsintensity, and the circle represents degrees of similarity among the emotions. The eight sectors are designed to indicate that there are eight primary emotion dimensions defined by the theory arranged as four pairs of opposites.

Generally, humans seek to re-establish an equilibrium state in their inner emotional life. In human experience it is common to use the term “emotion” to describe the feeling state, but in fact emotion is considerably more complex.

emotions_img02

Robert Plutchik, author of "The Nature of Emotions" created a wheel of emotions in 1980 which consisted of 8 basic emotions and 8 advanced emotions each composed of 2 basic ones, here's what that looks like:

Basic Emotion -- Basic Opposite

  • Joy -- Sadness
  • Acceptance -- Disgust
  • Fear -- Anger
  • Surprise -- Anticipation
  • Sadness -- Joy
  • Disgust -- Acceptance
  • Anger -- Fear
  • Anticipation -- Surprise

The article goes on and on... drones actually... and I found it really intriguing that there can be so much intellectualizing and labeling and categorizing something which I think defies the intellect, resents being labeled, cannot be contained, and must be allowed to the freedom to just BE.

That being said, here we have the last of it, which I uploaded as a separate post because a small portion of it is actually interesting to me: General Principles for Working With Emotions

General principles for Working With Emotions

emotions

  1. Recognizing emotions is the basis of self-knowledge and interaction.
  2. Emotions are connected with your own memories and observations, bringing them into your mind when needed.
  3. It is possible to experience deep joy only after you have recognized and lived through the negative emotions stored in your subconscious and your body.
  4. The possible emotional locks will open in their own time without breaking the ego only in a mutually respectful, safe and loving atmosphere.
  5. Repressed emotions may break out as symptoms in the body, crying, gestures, expressions, dreams or exaggerations in the emotional life.
  6. An emotion that has not been dealt with will come up to the conscious level when a person is ready to cope with it.
  7. Working with emotions may be more exhausting than mental or physical struggle.
  8. While the breathing is becoming freer it will also create a freer expression of emotions – and vice versa.
  9. Emotions can lead you astray or hide behind each other.
  10. Inner healing is possible.
  11. Our own beliefs, attitudes and verbalizing of our thoughts crucially affect our emotional lives.
  12. Faith is not dependent on emotions.

Emotions - A to Z

No aspect of our mental life is more important to the quality and meaning of our existence than emotions. They are what make life worth living, or sometimes ending.

feelings


What about you? Which emotions are you currently experiencing? Which emotions do you wish you could experience more often? Not sure what you're feeling in this moment? Here's a list to help you figure it out:
  1. Acceptance,
  2. Agitation,
  3. Alarm,
  4. Amusement,
  5. Anger,
  6. Annoyance,
  7. Anticipation,
  8. Apprehension,
  9. Apathy,
  10. Arrogance,
  11. Anxious
  12. Bitterness,
  13. Boredom
  14. Calmness,
  15. Cautiousness,
  16. Comfort,
  17. Contentment,
  18. Confidence,
  19. Courage
  20. Depression,
  21. Determination,
  22. Disappointment,
  23. Discontentment,
  24. Disgust,
  25. Desire,
  26. Delight
  27. Euphoria,
  28. Embarrassment,
  29. Envy,
  30. Ecstasy
  31. Fear,
  32. Friendly,
  33. Frustration
  34. Glad,
  35. Gratitude,
  36. Grief,
  37. Guilt
  38. Hate,
  39. Happiness,
  40. Homesick,
  41. Hope,
  42. Horror,
  43. Humility
  44. Impatient,
  45. Inadequate,
  46. Irritability
  47. Joy,
  48. Jealous
  49. Kindness
  50. Loneliness,
  51. Love,
  52. Lust
  53. Melancholy
  54. Nervous,
  55. Negativity
  56. Pain,
  57. Paranoia,
  58. Patience,
  59. Peace,
  60. Phobia,
  61. Pity,
  62. Pride
  63. Rage,
  64. Regret,
  65. Remorse,
  66. Resentment
  67. Sad,
  68. Self-pity,
  69. Shame,
  70. Shy,
  71. Sorrow,
  72. Shock,
  73. Suffering,
  74. Surprise,
  75. Suspense
  76. Thrill,
  77. Torment
  78. Unhappiness
  79. Vulnerable
  80. Worry
  81. Yearning



Why Kombucha Tea?

So, a friend of mine asked me to find a recipe for brewing kombucha tea, which I did. You can find a definitive how-to here. She bought me a bottle, which was pretty pricey, and I thought it tasted alot like sour, carbonated, rotten vinegar - and that was the "strawberry serenity" flavor, so before you get all crazy and start brewing it, it might be a good idea to try some. My friend says it gives her a lift, a sense of euphoria and makes her slightly giddy. I did not have that experience. An ice cold beer on a hot day is more my speed.

5-flavors-web


However, if you're curious, here is some information found:

You may have heard you should drink fewer soft drinks and ingest more tea. While investigating teas, you’ve probably heard of the many claims of incredible health benefits of kombucha tea. However, there is a great deal of controversy over this unusual tea, ranging from testimony that the tea prevents cancer and helps with AIDS symptoms to accusations that the tea has caused allergic reactions and even death.

What is Kombucha Tea?
Kombucha drinks are different than traditional teas. Kombucha is a cake-like colony of bacteria and yeast, often referred to as a mushroom. It is prepared by adding sugar, water and tea (usually green or black tea) to create a sweet (yet sour) fermented beverage that resembles both wine and tea simultaneously. Sometimes kombucha is powdered and added to green or black tea in tea bags and steeped like traditional tea.

Kombucha Health Benefits
Kombucha advocates claim the tea can produce such health benefits as extending your life span, improving digestion, detoxifying the body, thickening the hair and dissolving gall stones. It is taken for a large range of reasons – to calm the nervous system, to ward off colds and to deal with chronic headaches.

Most people who drink any sort of kombucha drink report feeling slightly intoxicated, calm and euphoric. However, when scientists put kombucha to the test, they found little to support many of the health claims associated with the tea. The most obvious health benefits can be attributed to the presence of a significant amount of B vitamins, amino acids and to the fact that the fermented beverage does indeed work much like a glass of wine to calm the nervous system and promote a general sense of well being. The teas used to prepare these drinks provide significant amounts of antioxidants, which can prevent cancer.

Kombucha Health Risks
Many people have reported allergic reactions to Kombucha, including nausea and hives. The fermentation process of Kombucha also creates a type of vinegar and acid which may be responsible for leaching metals from certain drinking utensils, making it important to use drinking and fermentation vessels that will not leach lead into the beverage. It is recommended that you limit your intake of kombucha, especially when first trying the drink, to two to four ounces of fermented kombucha per day, just to make sure it agrees with you.

You can buy kombucha online from kombucha dealers, or you can ferment and brew the tea at home. Just be sure you have the proper equipment and take proper precautions. If you want to try kombucha without the hassle of home brewing, buy bottled kombucha or try a pre-made kombucha tea bag concoction.

How to Make Kombucha Tea

kombucha mushroom teaKombucha tea, also known as kombucha mushroom tea, is a fermented beverage harkening back to the ancient Chinese. Doctors in China prescribed kombucha as a tonic for stomach ailments. During the Middle Ages, kombucha tea made its way through the Silk Road to Europe. It has been claimed as the "fountain of youth," and by the 16th century European nobility were turning to kombucha as a tonic for everything that troubled them.

The name kombucha mushroom tea refers to the kombucha mushroom, a bacterial cake resembling a mushroom that's used as a starter to ferment the beverage. The beverage doesn't really contain mushrooms. Although many health benefits are attributed to kombucha, the jury is still out whether or not it's good for you, won't do any harm, or is actually bad for you.

Plain kombucha has an acidic, vinegar-like flavor in addition to the original sweet tea flavor. The strength of the tea flavor can be adjusted with the amount of tea bags brewed per volume of water. It usually has a mild to moderate carbonated texture. In commercial brands, some have a sweet taste, others do not. This depends on length of brewing time, or if the manufacturer has added sugar to the final product. Kombucha also comes in different flavors. This is usually done by adding juices to the base tea after fermentation/incubation has completed.

If you'd like to try making your own kombucha tea beverage, here's how to make kombucha tea.

Things You'll Need:

  • 3 quarts filtered water

  • 1 cup sugar. Regular refined white sugar or organic cane sugar works fine. You can experiment with other fermentable sugars, like corn sugar. Many brewers prefer organic, if available. It is possible to use honey instead, but SCOBYs originally matured on sugar will not work well with honey, and the fermenting process may take much longer.

  • 4 or 5 tea bags of organic black tea Tea. Tea bags or loose leaf teas will work. Experiment! Many teas will work: green, black, echinacea, and lemon balm.

  • A kombucha "mushroom" mother, also called a SCOBY, for Symbiotic Culture of Bacteria and Yeast. If you can't find or don't want to buy a SCOBY, you can make one by buying commercial kombucha and leaving it out (covered, in a warm dark place as described below) for a couple weeks.

  • 1/2 cup of already made Kombucha as a starter, or vinegar if you don't have that. This is to add acidity to the brew, so it's possible that something like pure cranberry juice might also work.

  • 4 quart pyrex bowl, wide-mouth glass jar, or other container. A heavy, food-grade glass jar or large glass Pyrex container is your best bet. NOTE: If you use plastic, metal, ceramic or non-food grade glass containers to make Kombucha - they may (and will most likely) leach toxins, such as lead. If you use a glass container that is too thin, it may fracture when pressure builds inside as the kombucha effervesces.

Instructions:

  1. Wash your hands very well (hot water and soap, for at least 30 seconds under running water). Use of non-latex gloves is also recommended, especially if touching the culture directly.

  2. Fill up your pot with 3 liters (3.1 quarts) of water and put the stove to high. Boil water for at least 5 minutes to purify water, especially if your water supply is chlorinated.

  3. Add 4 or 5 tea bags. According to taste, you may remove tea immediately after brewing, or leave them in for the next two steps.

  4. Turn off heat and add 1 cup sugar (for about three liters of water). Sugar will start to caramelize if water continues to boil, and you don't want that to happen.

  5. Cover and let tea sit until it is room temperature, around 75ºF/24ºC will do. It will seem to take a long time to cool, but adding the cultures when it is too hot will kill them.

  6. Alternatively, you can boil 3 quarters of filtered water. Add the sugar and simmer until all the sugar is dissolved. Then, remove the pot from the heat and add the tea bags. Let them steep for as long as it takes for the water to cool - approximately two hours. Remove the tea bags.

  7. While it is cooling, pull out your pyrex bowl, wide-mouthed glass jar, or other container and wash it well in the sink with very hot water, rinsing thoroughly. If you don't have much extra water for cleaning and rinsing, put 2 drops of iodine into the bowl, add a bunch of water, and swirl it all around to sanitize. Rinse out bowl, cover, and keep waiting.

  8. When the tea is cool, pour it into the bowl (or whatever container you are using) and add the starter tea, which should constitute about 10% of the liquid. Using about a 1/4 cup of vinegar per gallon of tea also works, it tastes just a bit different, though.

  9. Gently put the SCOBY into the tea, cover the top of the container with the cloth, and secure it tightly with rubber band. If you are using a bowl, you can place a piece of plastic wrap with holes punched in the top over the bowl.

  10. Now place the bowl, covered, in a warm dark place where it won't be disturbed. Be sure that insects and dirt cannot fall into the mixture or it will contaminate it. Temperature should be consistently at least 21ºC or 70ºF. 30ºC or about 86ºF is best if you can manage. Lower temperatures will make it grow slowly, but below 70ºF makes it more likely that unwanted organisms will start growing too.

  11. Wait about a week. During this time, you can check on the tea periodically if you like.

Brewed_cultured_tea_936


Here's what to look for:

  • The culture will sink or float or do something in between, it doesn't matter. You should see, at some point, a new layer of culture growing on the top. Eventually, it will likely form a film covering the whole top of the tea. It may look strange and discolored, but don't worry, it's probably not moldy. Mold that grows on kombucha looks like the mold that grows on bread - fuzz and all. If it's turning black, discard the tea and get a new cake.

  • When the tea starts to get smelly like vinegar, you can taste it. The best way to pull a sample is with a straw. Don't drink directly from the straw, as backwash may contaminate the tea. Dip the straw about halfway into the tea, cover the end with your finger, pull the straw out and drink the liquid inside.

  • Brewed kombucha looks fizzy and tastes sour. If you can still taste the tea, it's not done yet. If it tastes right, then you're ready for the next step.

  • If not, just keep waiting and sampling every couple of days until it is ready. Don't be impatient. If you move on too soon, it will taste funny, or perhaps too sweet.

  • The tea is ready when the mushroom has grown a second spongy pancake. Use that to make more tea, or give it away to friends.
When the tea is ready:

  • Make a new batch of regular tea the same way you did before (steps 1 thru 7, above). Allow to cool.

  • Bring the container of newly fermented tea into the kitchen, take plastic wrap or cloth off top.

  • With clean hands (and non-latex gloves if you have them), gently remove mama and baby cultures and set them on a clean plate. Note that they may be stuck together. Pour a little of the kombucha on them to keep them protected.

  • Using a funnel, pour your finished, newly fermented tea into storage container(s). Fill it all the way to the top. If you don't it will take forever to get fizzy. If there isn't enough, you can either get smaller containers or fill the rest with regular tea. Only do this if there is only a slight gap, though, or else you risk watering down the tea. Another option is to fill it with juice to give it flavor. Fresh pressed is best, of course, but regular works too. Only do this after it's in the container, though. You don't want to contaminate your next batch, since you will...

  • Leave about 10% of old tea in the glass jar as starter tea. This keeps the pH low to prevent mold and things from growing while the tea is getting started. This insures that the fresh tea solution is acidic enough to combat any foreign molds or yeast.

  • Pour the new tea in, and put the culture back in, cover, etc. You may use each layer of culture to make a new batch of tea; some recommend using the new layer of culture and discarding the old one. It is not necessary to put both layers of culture back into a single new batch; one will suffice.

  • Cap your jug or bottles of finished kombucha tightly and let sit for about 2 - 5 days at room temperature to get fizzy.

  • Refrigerate. Kombucha is best enjoyed cold.

Still not sure what to do?
Here's a video:

Monday, June 15, 2009

My Horoscope for Today

June 15, 2009 - Here's what my horoscope said

Love In Words
Virgo Daily Horoscope

The love you feel for the people you care deeply about will likely be more intense than usual today. A need to show these individuals how you feel can come over you quite suddenly, inspiring you to reach out to relatives and friends you seldom have a chance to see. Your demonstrations of affection and adoration will likely make a strong impression on your loved ones. While they may know in their hearts that you care for them, they may nonetheless be overjoyed to hear you express your feelings out loud. If you internalize their responses today, you will likely be inspired to give voice to your emotions more frequently in the future.

The people we care about have an innate understanding of our feelings because they perceive them in our actions, yet our relationships will nonetheless still benefit from our willingness to articulate our affection in our words. The bonds that exist between individuals are reinforced by loving and warmhearted speech, which serves as the glue that holds two hearts together. When we speak our tenderness out loud, we show family and friends that we are not afraid to take our union into the public realm. Outsiders will no doubt occasionally be party to these fond declarations, and that is of little consequence to us as we are proud of our association with the people we choose to call loved ones. Your demonstrative mood will help you connect with family and friends today by providing you with the impetus you need to share your deepest feelings.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

I probably shouldn't have done this, but...

So, I'm researching for a post on the Prosperity Project about the word "should" and what does it mean, and how do I use it to beat myself up, and is the use of the word itself an energy drain, or is it the way I interperet the word what causes me to feel exhausted whenever I hear it, and I stumbled into this astonishing list of links, and I'm thinking - OMG - I should NOT have done that! Now I'll have to visit every one of them so that I won't be a loser or old or something!

DISCLAIMER:
Some of the places you may end up at are... well... not G rated! This list is not for the faint of heart, or the easily offended, and might not be suitable for young children.


Greg Rutter's Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old or Something

(In No Particular Order)

  1. Grape Stomp
  2. Charlie Bit Me
  3. Chocolate Rain
  4. Dancing Baby
  5. Post Secret
  6. Charlie The Unicorn
  7. Mentos and Diet Coke
  8. Numa Numa
  9. Peanut Butter Jelly Time
  10. George Lucas In Love
  11. You're The Man Now Dog
  12. Yatta
  13. Star Wars Kid
  14. Bubb Rubb
  15. The Flying Spaghetti Monster
  16. Dramatic Chipmunk
  17. Homestar Runner
  18. GI Joe Pork Chop Sandwiches
  19. Fail Blog
  20. Skateboarding Dog
  21. All Your Base Are Belong To Us
  22. Winnebago Man
  23. We Like The Moon
  24. I Can Has Cheezburger
  25. Barney Vs. Tupac
  26. Shining
  27. Cute Overload
  28. Rick Roll
  29. Lazy Sunday
  30. David After The Dentist
  31. Powerthirst
  32. Christian The Lion
  33. Bert and Ernie Rap
  34. Lady Punch
  35. Leprechaun in Alabama
  36. Where The Hell Is Matt
  37. Boom Goes The Dynamite
  38. Breakdancing Baby
  39. Drunk Jeff Goldblum
  40. Scarlet Takes A Tumble
  41. Susan Boyle
  42. Gay Mount Everest
  43. Afro Ninja
  44. Cop Shoots Himself In Leg In Classroom
  45. Tron Guy
  46. "Leave Britney Alone"
  47. Laughing Baby
  48. I'm the Juggernaut Bitch
  49. Exploding Whale
  50. Take On Me The Literal Version
  51. Bill O'Reilly Flips Out
  52. Don't Tase Me Bro
  53. The Landlord
  54. Breakdancing Baby Kick
  55. The Pet Penguin
  56. Ms. South Carolina Answers A Question
  57. I'm F*#king Matt Damon
  58. Will It Blend
  59. Spaghetti Cat
  60. Tom Cruise Kills Oprah
  61. Little Superstar
  62. Chad Vader
  63. Pretty Much Everywhere It's Going To Be Hot
  64. I Like Turtles
  65. Who Needs A Movie
  66. Jake E. Lee Shreds
  67. Hawaii Chair
  68. Aussie Party
  69. Hitler Plans Burning Man
  70. Montgomery Flea Market
  71. Look At The Horse
  72. Asian Backstreet Boys
  73. Leroy Jenkins
  74. Pinky The Cat
  75. Monkey Sniffs Finger
  76. Sneezing Panda
  77. Prison Inmates remake "Thriller"
  78. Techno Viking
  79. Ask A Ninja
  80. Best Man Trips and Ruins Wedding
  81. Best Wedding Toast Ever (Amy's Song)
  82. Kitten Surprise (how to break up a cat fight)
  83. Katana Sword Infomercial Goes Wrong
  84. Matrix Ping Pong
  85. La Pequeña Prohibida
  86. Angry German Kid (translated)
  87. Evolution of Dance
  88. Ok Go – "Here It Goes Again"
  89. Battle at Kruger (lions vs. buffalos vs. crocodiles)
  90. Daft Hands
  91. Human Beatbox
  92. Most T-Shirts Worn At Once
  93. Zero G Dog
  94. Cuppy Cakes Song
  95. George Washington
  96. Scary Maze Prank
  97. Gay Referee
  98. Tranquilized Bear Hits Trampoline
  99. Reporter Gets A Fly In The Mouth

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I'd love to stay and chat...

StewieJoke


... but you're a total bitch.

One Can of Camo Silver Ice 24 High Gravity Lager Beer xxXxx and....

Recently my sister sent me an email that really hurt my feelings and threw me into a large funk. As a result, I've had a couple of really interesting "aha!" moments which I'd like to share with you today, however, I decided to try a can of Camo Silver Ice 24 High Gravity Lager Beer xxXxx... and yowsers! Did I get a buzz off of that!!

So, here I am not quite in my "right" mind, obsessing over the sister thing, and finding it impossible NOT to post her email on the internet. It does seem kind of mean, and petty to put it on the world wide web, and I DO have SOME sense of right and wrong, so... I'm going to post it in Russian... or maybe Norwegian... I dunno... I forgot which it is... like I said, the High Gravity Lager has given me a gravely serious buzz.

Anyway... here's the offending email, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed posting it!

De sier at når du starter til å avsløre din betinger det er gode nyheter og det er dårlig nyheter. De gode nyhetene er at din betinger avslører og de dårlige nyhetene er at din betinger avslører. Hva skjedde i går var om meg, ikke om du. Bunnlinje er jeg har hatt en fysisk reaksjon til noe motstand som jeg
hører i din stemme da jeg kan huske ; jeg må forbinde det hva jeg bevisstløst oppfattet har med til å være din longstanding, irreperable motstand TIL MEG.


Eller gjorde jeg har noe ide akkurat hvor mye jeg hadde internalized belastningen av. Hva du sier eller hvordan du sier det ikke punktet er. Hva er punktet er at jeg har på en eller annen måte, uten forethought, enighet, articulation, verdighet eller selv rasjonell tro, nådde min grense for supressing som jeg virkelig er. Jeg har hatt et falskt forhold med deg siden for evig, bestå av en stor byrde av forventningen som du en dag hører på meg og


hører meg - virkelig hører meg. Og som la et barn som jeg også tilpasset oppførsel liker til å unngå konflikt med deg, deg har det siste ordet, holder min tunge, supressing mine følelser, som forandrer min sann mening til å passe din, og er fullstendig passiv og selv beskyttende fordi jeg har ikke stolt på du til å være type til mine sårbarheter. Dyp enn det, jeg har ikke stolt på meg selv til å være type til mine egene sårbarheter og jeg har virkelig vært meget


grusom til meg selv. Jeg lekte aldri et spill med deg at jeg ikke enten har latt deg vinner eller vinner selv bevisst slik at du ikke ville tro at jeg akkurat lot deg hvert spill vinner. Når jeg ble trettet av blir skremt av din misbilligelse jeg enkelt ville unngå deg alt i alt. Jeg tilpasset meg også ved til å den PRØVE kjøpe din hengivenhet, som i løpet åretet gir du mange av mine skatter til å bare finne de var mest meningsløs til deg. Dette har fortsatt, jeg


nå ser slik tydelig, i praktisk gi bort mitt kunsthåndverk og anbringe meget lav verdi på mine «skatter», er det en roman, et arbeid, min tid, eller selv en realisere. Ahas er kommet i avalanche deler og som jeg tilstår i går jeg filtet komplett begravd i sorg og steinflisen av en lammende barndom. Om jeg liker det eller ikke det er all brutt nå, derfor jeg nå kan være klar. Jeg er vokst opp nok nå til å være min egen søster, kan meg høre jeg, kan jeg stole på meg selv


med mine sårbarheter (kan meg spesielt denne som har vært slik hard for meg til å lage fred med), jeg gi verdsetter, jeg kan tjene min egen godkjenning, jeg kan verdsette og kan vurdere mitt arbeid, min åndelig praksis, min tid, mitt liv, og jeg kan nå til slutt endelig motstå stans Meg selv. Det er sant uheldig at dette kunne ikke komme ut mer ordentlig og uten til å involvere din følelser. Jeg antar det kom ut nøyaktig som en seks eller et åtte år-gammel ville komme ut med


noe som har ødelagt henne - plutselig, vanskelig og meget malplassert uttrykt til punktet til å være unintelligable. Jeg vil ikke for alt verdenen behovet du til å gjøre nå hva jeg har gjort for mest av mitt liv - redigerer en samtale med din søster. Tro og føl seg uansett hva du vil ; sier hva du vil når du sier det, motstår hva du motstår, selv om det er meg og alle tingene som jeg elsker, identifiserer med og representerer. Jeg ville ikke ville deg noe annen måte enn


måten som du virkelig er. Jeg vil meg noe annen måte enn måten ikke som jeg virkelig er. Det er ekstremt uheldig at «du» er floket dem opp i denne bemerkelsesverdige driftstanset av en av mitt grunnlag konstruerer. Til slutt, ja er det kunner som en projeksjon og jeg ber du ikke tar det personlig, som ved lyden av din post, har du. Dette er det del at lager meg meget, meget trist. Kanskje nå kan jeg være autentisk og en bedre venn til deg. Jeg håper slik.



There, I feel much better... don't you? Oh, and by the way, it's English to Russian to Norwegian... in case you're wondering... I just wanted to be sure that I didn't do anything too mean... like post it in English and send it to all of her friends... although I'm feeling just childish enough to do something that shitty.

And, not that I'm still angry or anything... but I posted a shitload of quotes by the Marquis de Sade at Way Cool Quotes, and here is a cool list of 111 insults, plus this by Groucho Marx, and oh wait... Golden Books that never got published, I wonder why. And just to prove that I'm as enlightened as anyone else, here are some Words to Live By.

So, I'll just call it a night with this message from Stewie.

Words To Live By

In case you need some good advice, maybe some words to live by, here's a great list! All true and very inspirational I'm sure.

  1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
  2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
  3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
  4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
  6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
  13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
  14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
  18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
  19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
  20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Little Golden Books That Never Made It

It's hard to get a book published these days... here's a list of Little Golden Books that never made it... I wonder why!

  • You Are Different and That’s Bad
  • Dad’s New Wife Steve
  • Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
  • The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
  • Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
  • All Cats Go to Hell
  • The Little Sissy Who Snitched
  • Some Kittens Can Fly
  • Strangers Have the Best Candy
  • Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
  • The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Veggies
  • Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
  • Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

Love this one!

“I married your mother because I wanted children,
imagine my disappointment when you came along.”
- Groucho Marx

111 Insults

insult17


It's a definitive list. No excuse now for not coming up with a really good jab when someone pisses you off.

  1. If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
  2. Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
  3. I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
  4. He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t.
  5. He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
  6. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
  7. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.
  8. Are your parents siblings?
  9. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
  10. Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
  11. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
  12. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
  13. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?
  14. Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
  15. Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
  16. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
  17. Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?
  18. Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
  19. Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It’ll only take 10 seconds.
  20. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
  21. He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!
  22. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
  23. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
  24. He’s not stupid; he’s possessed by a retarded ghost.
  25. Here’s 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
  26. Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?
  27. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
  28. I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.
  29. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.
  30. I bet your mother has a loud bark!
  31. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
  32. I don’t consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
  33. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
  34. I don’t think you are a fool. But then what’s MY opinion against thousands of others?
  35. I hear the only place you’re ever invited is outside.
  36. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
  37. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
  38. I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
  39. I know you are nobody’s fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
  40. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
  41. I would ask you how old you are but I know you can’t count that high.
  42. I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
  43. I’d like to leave you with one thought…but I’m not sure you have anywhere to put it!
  44. I’d love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  45. I’ll never forget the first time we met - although I’ll keep trying.
  46. I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  47. I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
  48. If I ever need a brain transplant, I’d choose yours because I’d want a brain that had never been used.
  49. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
  50. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!
  51. If what you don’t know can’t hurt you, she’s invulnerable.
  52. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
  53. If your brain was chocolate it wouldn’t fill an M&M.
  54. Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.
  55. Learn from your parents’ mistakes - use birth control!
  56. Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
  57. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
  58. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn’t.
  59. If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
  60. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
  61. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck.
  62. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair.
  63. I hear you pick your friends — to pieces!!
  64. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.
  65. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
  66. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that’s all they’re good for.
  67. People can’t say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
  68. You must have a low opinion of people if you think they’re your equals.
  69. wish you were all here. I don’t like to think there is more!
  70. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!
  71. Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get.
  72. I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
  73. Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
  74. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
  75. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
  76. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
  77. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
  78. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
  79. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
  80. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
  81. I’m very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
  82. I don’t hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
  83. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
  84. I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I’ll think so.
  85. Man alive! But I wish you weren’t.
  86. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
  87. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
  88. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.
  89. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn’t like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
  90. We know that romance brings out the beast in you — the jackass.
  91. I’m looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven’t had it yet.
  92. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
  93. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that’s the only way they could.
  94. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
  95. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I’ll arrange it with the undertaker.
  96. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.
  97. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
  98. We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
  99. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, “Gentlemen.” Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
  100. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
  101. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.
  102. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don’t you send them a penny and square the account?
  103. I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.
  104. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.
  105. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
  106. Sit down and give your mind a rest.
  107. There is no vaccine against stupidity.
  108. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.
  109. Don't get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can’t take the credit.
  110. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
  111. I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Hi There!

crazy-arabs


Well I haven't posted here in a long time! Today, however, I found a really fun website with some pretty cool funny stuff that I wanted to post SOMEWHERE, and that somewhere has turned out to be here! So... for your enjoyment I present:

But wait! There's more! I also took a look at some of the posts that I'd written but never published, and decided to go ahead and get them online. You'll find them here:


And last, but not least, here's a link to a really cool website about space, and another one with pictures of Missouri Skies that I really liked since Missouri is where I live. Oh, and don't let me forget the FARQ's ... Frequently Asked Rhetorical Questions!

So... enjoy! Oh, and if you'd like to add a little drama to your day, you can always visit the Drama Button.

How many 5 year olds could you take on in a fight?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating


Check this out! According to the quiz, I could take on 15 five year olds in a fight! Pretty impressive, huh? How about you? How many could you take on?

A Memo From Howard Hughes

This is not a joke, just something that fell into my lap I must share. As far as I know it is a real, actual memo written by Howard Hughes at what appears to be the height of his OCD.

Howard Hughes Testifying


OPERATING MEMORANDUM

Subject: Proper operating procedure for Bungalow 1 C Date October 13, 1958

There are certain areas within the Bungalow 1 C area that have been set aside by Johnny Holmes for the storage of my personal things. There are also other areas that have been set aside for future use by Johnny and his people. These designated areas, which Johnny will mark clearly or designate verbally to all concerned, should be avoided by everyone outside of Johnny’s area of operation. I do not want anybody, under any circumstances, no matter what the emergency may be, to touch these areas or go anywhere near them. I do not want anyone to touch the telephone that Johnny uses, nor any of his equipment that he has put away in storage in the Bungalow or any of my things there, or anything connected with my things.

It is extremely important to me that nobody ever, under any circumstances, no matter what the emergency may be, no matter how extreme the emergency, no matter what pressures are put on, no matter how unusual the circumstances may be, goes into any room, closet, cabinet, drawer, or any other area which is either used by Johnny or indicated by Johnny to be reserved by him for my things in connection with my food operation or any other phase of my operation that Johnny takes care of. I want to make sure that nobody opens any doors to any rooms, closets, cabinets, drawers or in any way, touches any portion of these areas.

I say again, no matter how strong the emergency may be, no matter how extreme the emergency may be, no matter how unusual the circumstances may be, no matter how extreme the emergency, it is extremely important to me that nobody - nobody ever, ever goes into any room, closet, cabinet, drawer, bathroom, which is either used by Johnny or indicated by Johnny to be reserved for him, or which is used to store any of the things used in connection with my food, magazines or anything that is used for me.

I say once more, no matter, no matter what the emergency, no matter how extreme the emergency, no matter how unusual the circumstances, it is extremely important to me; I say once more, no matter how extreme the emergency, no matter how unusual the circumstances may be, no matter what may have arisen, it is extremely important to me that nobody ever goes into any room, closet, cabinet, drawer, bathroom or any other area used to store any of the things which are for me - either food, equipment, magazines, paper supplies, Kleenex - no matter what. And, it is also extremely important to me that no matter what the emergency, no matter how unusual the circumstances, no matter what may have come up, no matter what kind of emergency, it is also equally important to me that nobody ever goes into any room or bathroom or any other area which Johnny has indicated is to be reserved to him only, and it is also equally important that nobody ever touches my telephone or piece of furniture or any fixture or anything of that kind which Johnny has indicated is reserved for him.

Instructions should be given for the operators so that they are not allowed to put calls through there into Johnny’s telephone - which is Bung. I C - so that nobody calls there. Sometimes it rings and the third man has to stall around getting through to the operator to have it switched. Something should be done so the other phone is the one that rings - do you have that kind of deal? I don’t want the third man using that phone, and when it rings it’s a temptation for him to pick it up.

I want you to get the third man on the phone and give him all these Instructions and be awfully, awfully sure when you are talking to him, be sure, be certain, be absolutely positive when you are talking to your third man today or any other time, be sure that he is not using Johnny’s phone, that he is not in a room reserved for Johnny and that he is not in a room used to store any of my things. This is awfully, awfully important to me. I want you to be sure, awfully sure, be certain, be positive that nobody goes into any room or cabinet or closet that is used to store any things in connection with my operation. This is equally important to me - it is equally important to me that nobody ever opens any door or opening to any room, cabinet or closet or anything used to store any of my things, even for one-thousandth of an inch for one-thousandth of a second. This applies even when he does not go in, you understand, even if the man does not enter, it is equally important to me that nobody ever opens the door or the drawer even for a fraction of an inch for a fraction of a second - any drawer, closet, or room, you understand - that is used to store any of my things, whether they be stored or just sitting there, because I don’t want the possibility of dust or insects or anything of that nature entering. I want every thing I have indicated here to be followed to the letter.

I want everything I have said here to be clearly gone over, reviewed, and repeated to everyone concerned. Maybe it ought to be written up - typewritten - and given to the men out in Bungalow 1 C. In fact, I think it not only should be written up and handed to them, but they should commit it to memory and repeat it back to you (Kay) so that you are convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they have it down thoroughly.

Until further orders from me, I want nobody ever to set foot in that Bungalow (1 C) or any of those rooms we have anywhere near the Bungalow excepting only Johnny Holmes, and the two waiters - Karl and Charlie - and the number three men and Harvey. This instruction includes Roy, Harris and George.

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Auntie Moss

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