Everything I Know About Life I Learned From My Cock

• When you’re up, everyone needs to hear about it
• Don’t let anyone tell you where you can and can’t pee
• Fuck everything
• Every once in a while, you may have to eat some shit
• Don’t get near any other cocks, and don’t let them get near you
• It doesn’t matter how big you are, just how loud you are
• Know the pecking order
• They want you, they all want you, you know they want you
• Just because nobody’s listening, it’s no reason to shut up
• The only thing you have to know about sex is “yes”
• Subtlety gets you nowhere
• Brains are overrated
• Everywhere you look, there’s something edible