Why can't I stop eating?

Here's what Osho says in answer to that question:

Food is always a substitute for love. People who don’t love, who somehow miss a life of love, start eating more; it is a love-substitute.

When a child is born, his first love and his first food are the same thing — the mother. So there is a deep association between food and love; in fact food comes first and then love follows. First the child eats the mother, then by and by he becomes aware that the mother is not just food; she loves him too. But of course for that a certain Growth is necessary. The first day the child cannot understand love. He understands the language of food, the natural primitive language of all animals. The child is born with hunger; food is needed immediately. Love will not be needed until long after; it is not so much of an emergency. One can live without love one’s whole life, but one cannot live without food — that’s the trouble....

... I am so sorry, but this post has been moved to my new website, Hey It's Me, hosted on shirleytwofeathers.com, it can also be found on Eating To Live, which is another one of my new websites all about food.

I would be happier if

Ok, so today you are all in for another installment of the never ending "I would be happier if..." series.

I am healthy and I would be happier if my body wasn't covered with fat, and if I didn't have heartburn, and if I knew I was getting plenty of exercise and fresh air. I would be happier if I ate healthier food, if I had compassion and love for my digestive system, if I gave my physical self the care and the quality upkeep and maintenance that she deserves. I would feel better. And I would be happier.

Is this really true?
Yes! I think so. And if it's true, then why don't I do something about it? Why don't I at least make a stab at the cleansing fast that Daniel has actually done and that I haven't even tried to do? Why do I continue to buy my "groceries" at the local gas station?

Don't I want to be happy? Don't I want to take better care of Shirley? I can't even be nice enough NOT to post a picture of a donkey munching in a refrigerator. It looks too much like how I feel about me! So why don't I do something about it?

I don't get it...

Interestingly, I can't even find a current picture of myself to upload here. So, what's up with that? I went on an internet search for "fat" pictures to post instead, and came up with this awesome picture of someone named Teresina:

Wow! I love her outfit! She looks very powerful, doesn't she. Like a barbarian fertility goddess or something. I wonder if she hated her body, or if she liked pushing her "weight" around. I wonder if she avoided mirrors or not, and did she have lovers and suitors, and did she enjoy her life and if not why not, and if so... why?

And no, I'm not that fat, although I'm afraid that it could happen to me. And if I was that fat, I would be hiding in my bedroom, every mirror in the house would be disappeared, and nobody would have a picture of me ever! I wonder what it would be like to have a figure like Teresina... and at the same time to feel really good about yourself... confident... and beautiful. Willing to pose for a photographer wearing my best furs. I wonder how that would feel. I bet if I felt that good about myself, I'd be eating better - eating less - exercising more - going outside - and feeling happier.

Squid Anyone?

curried squid dimsum
Originally uploaded by u m a m i

So, today is Thanksgiving, and I am NOT spending it with family and friends. And I woke up feeling particularly alone and sad. In fact, I could feel myself slipping into a real funk!

Then it occurred to me that it might be helpful to think of something to be grateful for today. And here it is. I am really glad that Curried Squid is NOT on the menu for today! THANK GOD that I don't have to look at it, or pick at it, or try to eat it! I don't even have to see someone else eating it! What a relief!!

WOW! I feel better already!

The Coconut Diet

Today I have been researching Candida Diets - since mine has been such a disaster. See My Candida Diet Disaster. And along the way, I found this little gem:

The Coconut Diet
Coconuts are a way of life for millions of people around the world today in tropical climates. Known as the "tree of life," the wonderful fruit of the coconut palm is rich in specific fats that have incredible health benefits. Traditional tropical populations that consume a lot of coconut oil are seldom overweight, and traditionally have been free from the modern diseases that afflict most western cultures.



The Coconut Diet picks up where traditional diets fail. Low-fat diets don't work. The body needs a proper balance of good fats, but in recent years traditional, healthy saturated fats have been substituted with harmful transfatty acids in the US food industry. We now know that these harmful transfatty acids that are found in most vegetable oils are not the healthy oils they were once thought to be, and they are considered one of the major culprits in modern diseases and obesity. The Coconut Diet replaces these highly refined harmful fats with one of the healthiest fats known to mankind: coconut oil.

I found the coconut diet website pretty interesting. And (if they are indeed true) the success stories sound pretty good!

Interestingly, Virgin Coconut Oil is related to not only weight loss, but to such things as increased metabolism, helping sluggish thyroids, increased energy levels, killing Candida and yeast infections, improving cholesterol levels, clearing up skin infections, killing viruses, improving digestive health, and more!

It sounded too good to be true, so I checked some other sources. At Web MD, and MedicineNet, I found mostly positive stuff, and then I realized that it was the same article in both places. So.. I looked specifically for information about whether or not coconut oil really is effective against candida. And found this article at the Public Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health. What is really interesting, is that when I was at the grocery store buying "real food" for my candida diet, I saw a bottle of virgin coconut oil, and was really drawn to it. I opted not to buy it because it wasn't on my list, and my budget is so limited. But, now I think I'm going to try it.

I'll keep you posted and let you know if I have the same results as this person:

Theresa - "This Diet Has Given Me Renewed Energy and A New Life! I have been taking a tablespoon of coconut oil three times daily with meals. Taking the oil with my meals seems to give me a “full feeling” a lot faster. My sweet tooth has practically vanished—and this is from someone who should have bought stock in Hershey's long ago! Ironically, facilitating weight loss was my main reason for trying the coconut oil diet, but with all the wonderful benefits I am experiencing, the weight loss aspect almost seems like an afterthought.

About three days into the routine, I had an energy rush on a Saturday morning that kept me going until well after lunch. I can’t believe how much I got done that day! My mental state of mind seemed to be much sharper. I was able to focus on the tasks at hand without getting sidetracked. I was not exhausted at the end of running my errands, which included traipsing around a huge mall. It seemed like I was practically running, rather than the leisurely walking that was formerly my habit.

In addition to my energy level, my mood has been very stable—no up and down mood swings—even with the onset of PMS! My husband commented yesterday on how soft and silky my skin felt, and I have not used any lotion since I started taking the oil." ~(from the Coconut Diet Forums)

My Candida Diet Disaster

So, about a week ago I started a candida cleanse using an herbal supliment to eliminate candida and a probiotic supliment to replenish the "good" organisms. In addition to the suppliments, I went on a "cleansing" diet that basically consisted of no sugar, no yeast, no cheese, no refined flours, no coffee, no caffeine.

Giving up coffee and sugar at the same time has been one grueling experience! I have brain fog, head aches, depression, fatigue, brain fog, head aches, depression, fatigue... Did I mention brain fog?

These are the foods on the "do not eat" list:

• All sugars and sugar-contained food including table sugar, fructose, corn syrup, honey, molasses, maple sugar and date sugar.
• All white flour and white flour products.
• All yeast-containing pastries, breads, crackers, pastas, etc.
• All cheese except ricotta, cottage and cream cheese. Artificially sweetened drinks and food products.
• Avoid alcoholic beverages.
• Avoid all fruit juices, fruits (fresh, canned, or dried) until yeast is abated. Fresh lemon or lime may be used in water, or as a substitute for vinegar in salad dressings.
• All coffee and tea (even herbal). Except pau de arco tea.
• Chlorinated tap water.
• All processed meats such as bacon, sausage, ham, hot dogs, luncheon meats, corned beef, and pastrami.
• Old leftovers. If food has been in the fridge for more than 3 days, do not eat it. Leftovers may be frozen.
• Obvious fungus foods: mushrooms, blue cheese, etc.
• Peanuts and peanut products: peanut butters. Use almond butter.
• All vinegar-soaked products or vinegar dressings: pickles, pickle relish etc. Lemon juice may be substituted from vinegar in recipes.
• Brewers yeast B vitamins made from yeast, yeast breads, pastries, cracker and pretzels that contain yeast.

It's harsh isn't it? What a shock to my system! People at work were practically begging me to stop it because I was so obviously impaired! (brain fog - remember?)

So now I have a refrigerator full of healthy food that I don't have the energy or the mental capacity to prepare. It's a conundrum!

I think that maybe I took on more than my body could handle. It occurs to me that it would be a good idea to back off a little bit. I don't want to admit failure or defeat - so I think I'm going to regroup, cut my losses, and formulate a new plan. In the mean time, I'm back to the caffeine (so I can think), but staying off the sugar (because I don't want it to all be for nothing).