Talking To My Mother

Woke up this morning wishing for stuff that probably will never happen. And, actually, I went to bed and tossed and turned all night wishing for that same stuff... trying to figure out what, if anything, I could do to make it so... For example:

I wish my mother would stop being crazy and start acting "normal."

How's that for a wish list topper? I bet it's on a lot of wish lists... So, my mother had open heart surgery, and came home crazy.  Ok. That's not entirely true. Before the surgery, the passive aggressive controlling behavior and all that goes with it was definitely there. She was just a lot better at hiding it. And she didn't become crazy after she went home from the hospital... she was pretty crazy in the hospital too. And the most annoying part of the whole thing is that it cannot be described... I mean... I could tell you stories... and you'd just think I was a bitch and a bad daughter. (Which I probably am.) And you'd make excuses for her because, well, "she's old..."  (Which she actually is.) And I just wish I could have a talk with her - a real conversation... where I say what I really think and she says what she really thinks... but she absolutely will not allow it - and it occured to me this morning that I haven't had a real conversation with my mother since... well... I can't even remember... probably back when I was 5 years old right before she sent me away to boarding school... maybe not even then...

So... rather than get all frustrated about it, I'm here this morning to say all those things. And since I can't say them to her, I'm going to say them to the world wide web! Here goes:

1. So, why are you so angry?
2. Are you mad at me because I won't come down and move in with you and take care of you?
3. Don't you realize that you are impossible to take care of?
4. That nobody can do anything right? Even when (and especially because) you're right there micro-managing every little detail?
5. That when I'm around you for more than 2 hours I start to feel strangled and my soul starts to die?
6. And maybe that's because you don't see me? or hear me? And yet you expect me to not only see you and hear you but read your mind as well?
7. Do you have any idea how tiring that is? To have to read the nuances of every minute facial expression and be expected to guess what it is that's going on in your mind? And then based on that guess, say and./or do the exact right thing in the exact right way? 
8. Isn't this why I ran away from home? Why I live thousands of miles away? And why I don't invite you to come and live with me?
9. Or maybe you are just angry at me because I keep trying to make you acknowledge and do something about your anxiety and your depression.
10. Maybe you aren't angry at me at all... maybe you're mad at Daddy for dying and leaving you all alone.
11. Do you realize that your anxiety started when he died?
12. And is that because now you have to actually live with yourself? You don't have the lovely distraction of someone else to fret and fuss over?
13. It must be hard for you now that you can't use Daddy as an excuse to get what you want. 
14. That's one of the hardest things for you, isn't it... actually coming right out and saying what you want. So much easier to preface it with... "Bill wants... or your daddy needs... or Bill's tired... or etc..."
15. As a matter of fact, taking care of a crazy cranky old woman isn't nearly as terrible when she's honestly cranky and admittedly crazy. It's all that pretending that gets on everyone's nerves...
16. Did you know that Gracie hates... absolutely hates being called your "little sweetie"? You should know that because she's told you not to do it a number of times. And yet, when you are mad at her, and pretending not to be, that's what you call her every time! Wouldn't it just be simpler and easier to say "I'm mad at you" ?
17. And what's up with the dogged persistence when it comes to pounding it into my head that I'm old and used up? We are not "two old widow women" who can hang out together! We not "old cronies." Not now - not ever!
18. And the next time you tell me that, I'm going to start asking penetrating and uncomfortable questions... and if you suddenly have a bad connection and have to hang up, I'm going to call you back and ask you some more of them! How's that for a great threat?
19. Or maybe you are angry at God...
20. Now that's a good one. You've been shoving God and Jesus down my throat ever since I took my first breath - and now? God? Jesus? The bible? Prayer? Haven't heard word one about any of those things since you came home from the hospital.... I think you are angry at God.
21. What happened? Did he ignore you? Did he not answer your prayers correctly? Did you try to micro-manage God's will... and it didn't work out? What?
22. How many bibles did you pass out at the hospital? 25? 50? All that fake cheerfulness and bible sharing... and what did it get you? Are you happy? 
23. And is that what all this anxiety is about? You've devoted your whole life to a religion, a book, a belief and now... it isn't working for you anymore?
24. I think we need to talk about God... I really do... maybe I could tell you what I think about your God... wouldn't that be something?
25. Are you angry because you didn't die on the operating table like you thought? Was that your plan?
26. You don't want to live any more and now you have to? Is that what this is all about? 
27. And what's this thing about blaming everyone else for what ails you? You have anxiety and it's not you... it couldn't be you... must be the medication... You don't have any energy and it's not you being depressed... must be the medication... must be something the doctors did or didn't do... couldn't be because you aren't doing anything except focusing on how shitty you feel...
28. When are you going to step up and take responsibility for how you feel in your heart?
29. Never?
30. What if one time, just one time, you actually spoke the truth of what's in your mind and heart.... no matter how uncomfortable, no matter how inappropriate, no matter how "wrong"... How would your life change then?
31. I keep having this thought - Who are you and where is my real mother? What did you do with her? But actually, your ability to manipulate through passive aggressive behavior is so well honed - you are so extremely good at tapping into whatever it is that will engage the people around you to dance to your tune... you have so much skill... I've got to believe that what we are finally seeing is the real you.
32. I believe that when we are tired and frightened - who we really are comes to the surface.... we don't have the will or the energy to hide it anymore... Add to that mix any kind of physical discomfort- pain, nausea -- and you have a recipe for Hey Look At Me - This Is Who I Really Am. And I was really hoping that a beautifully sweet, kind, and loving person was hiding inside you.... BUT NO!
33. And I'm disappointed... at first I was even surprised.... now I'm just frustrated and disappointed. How dare you not be who I want you to be?
34. That makes me angry! So I figure it must make you angry that I have never been, nor will I ever be who you want me to be! 
35. I did pretend to be that person, and it seemed to work for a while. But in your heart, you must know that it was just a persona, not the real me... in your heart you must know that I'll never ever be "nice" and that I'll never be content to follow the rules and be a "good girl." 
36. I also want to thank you for showing me just how it is that I became who I really am... and why I like who I really am way more than I like who you really are... and absolving me from any guilt I may have been feeling about having no desire whatever to come down and take care of you in your old age.
37. Interestingly, despite all this, and maybe even because of all this, I do love you. I've known you longer than I've known any other human being. I do think the world is a better place because you were in it. And it's actually quite amazing that you have been able to accomplish so much good in your life all while hiding this terrible secret of who you really are!
38. And it makes me sad that we will never have this conversation... you won't hear what I really think, and I'm pretty sure you won't ever be able to express how you really feel or what you really think.
39. And please, mom, would you stop being crazy and start acting normal? Could we just have one real conversation in this lifetime? I can be about anything you want it to be about as long as it's real and not just another mindless chat about the weather. 

So there it is... everything I'd like to say to my mother today. (Tomorrow there might be more.) And what about you? What would you like to say to your mother?

Oh, and by the way - in that picture, my mother is actually furious with me, but of course not saying so.... and just looking at the picture brings back that whole suffocating feeling... that aura... that energy field that she generates when stuffing all that rage and keeping it hidden under a facade of niceness. And do I feel better now? and less frustrated? Sadly, no.

Ponderisms

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.If it is hard to pull out, and grows back anyway, it was a weed.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you even came to this website in the first place?
Big mistake!! Huge!! Still!!

Where are rainstorms born?

Where are rainstorms born? Some are born of the breath of ancient forests, some of the tears of the wind... Wherever your rainstorm begins, that's where your journey begins. Seek the birthplace of your rainstorm and you shall understand the source of your soul.

~Mayan Calendar Portal

Hey, Come Fill Out My Form!

Hi, I'm working on a website for someone and testing the forms at Google Docs to see how they work. So... I made one for me! Here it is!!



So, that was fun!!
Now I just need some people to try it out for me!

Posting Shit On Facebook

In case you weren't paying attention, I posted a whole bunch of silly widgets and other stuff on facebook, Gypsy Magic, and yes... here too. Suddenly it occured to me that maybe I was just fooling around and maybe I should get busy and go Christmas Shopping. But I didn't want to stop, I thought maybe... who knows... what I've been posting might actually have some value.

So I asked Tony Soprano if anyone was even going to read a single one of my facebook posts today and he had this to say:

I doubt it. -- You don't shit where you eat. And you really don't shit where I eat.

Hmmmm... have I been posting shit on facebook all morning? I decided that maybe I should ask Buffy if Tony Soprano was right. Here's what she said:

Yes, without a doubt. -- If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out.

When I quit laughing so hard that I spit coffee out my nose, it occured to me to ask Tony Montana what he thought about the whole thing and he said this:

It's hard to say. -- I got ears, ya' know. I hear things.

LOL... too funny!!! I love these widgets!! Those question mark chairs are cool too!

Still Not Satisfied

I'm still not completely satisfied that I'll have all of my questions answered... so I give you Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Ha! How cool is that? Go ahead, ask her a question - you know you want to!


Don't use a Magic 8-Ball. Get an Askzy!

Still Have Questions?

If Dexter and Tony Soprano didn't quite nail the answers to your questions... try Tony Montana! His life was a blazing success!! (Well, OK, some people wouldn't call it a success... exactly. He did have a lot of money though! And balls!)


Don't use a Magic 8-Ball. Get an Askzy!

Any Questions?

Gotta question? Well, now you can ask Tony Soprano!! How fun is that?


Don't use a Magic 8-Ball. Get an Askzy!

Emotions - A to Z

No aspect of our mental life is more important to the quality and meaning of our existence than emotions. They are what make life worth living, or sometimes ending.

What about you? Which emotions are you currently experiencing? Which emotions do you wish you could experience more often? Not sure what you're feeling in this moment? Here's a list to help you figure it out:

1. Acceptance,
2. Agitation,
3. Alarm,
4. Amusement,
5. Anger,
6. Annoyance,
7. Anticipation,
8. Apprehension,
9. Apathy,
10. Arrogance,
11. Anxious
12. Bitterness,
13. Boredom
14. Calmness,
15. Cautiousness,
16. Comfort,
17. Contentment,
18. Confidence,
19. Courage
20. Depression,
21. Determination,
22. Disappointment,
23. Discontentment,
24. Disgust,
25. Desire,
26. Delight
27. Euphoria,
28. Embarrassment,
29. Envy,
30. Ecstasy
31. Fear,
32. Friendly,
33. Frustration
34. Glad,
35. Gratitude,
36. Grief,
37. Guilt
38. Hate,
39. Happiness,
40. Homesick,
41. Hope,
42. Horror,
43. Humility
44. Impatient,
45. Inadequate,
46. Irritability
47. Joy,
48. Jealous
49. Kindness
50. Loneliness,
51. Love,
52. Lust
53. Melancholy
54. Nervous,
55. Negativity
56. Pain,
57. Paranoia,
58. Patience,
59. Peace,
60. Phobia,
61. Pity,
62. Pride
63. Rage,
64. Regret,
65. Remorse,
66. Resentment
67. Sad,
68. Self-pity,
69. Shame,
70. Shy,
71. Sorrow,
72. Shock,
73. Suffering,
74. Surprise,
75. Suspense
76. Thrill,
77. Torment
78. Unhappiness
79. Vulnerable
80. Worry
81. Yearning

How many 5 year olds could you take on in a fight?

15

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Check this out! According to the quiz, I could take on 15 five year olds in a fight! Pretty impressive, huh? How about you? How many could you take on?

Do You Believe in Fairies?

I posted the folowing question about a year ago over at question of the day. And I thought it would be fun to revisit it...

Fairies
Do you believe in fairies? If so, have you ever seen one? Why do you believe in them? If not, why not? And if there is no such thing as fairies, why are there so many stories about them?

We had 2 Comments:

Cindy H said...
Yes, I do believe in fairies! I don't think they are quite as common here in the midwest US, but there are some here. I haven't ever seen one up close and personal, but maybe someday I will! I think fairies are distant cousins, so to speak, of angels, leprachauns, and other magical beings. September 1, 2007 12:48 AM

shirley said...
I believe in fairies too. I have never seen one with my physical eyes - but I have talked to them... and they have talked to me... and I almost knew what they looked like.I had a friend who had fairies on her property and in her house. I spent a long afternoon there once, painting her woodwork. And they would come and talk to me... it was pretty cool. I didn't hear their voices with my ears - I heard them in my mind... the same way that you hear when you are remembering a conversation with someone... like that. They were very curious ... it was pretty cool. And I know how crazy this sounds!
September 1, 2007 2:48 AM

So here we are - a year later... what do YOU think? Have you ever seen a fairy? Are they for real? What do they look like? Are they big? or little? Do they have wings and fly around? Or are fairies a totally made up story? A complete fantasy? Come on guys... talk to me...

Building

Morning Meditation

Today I pulled up the "Terraced Houses of the Zuni" which was right next to the "Kiva of the North" and my first thought was "One thing builds on another." But I knew that was just me remembering the other image and not really getting "into" this one.

For a long time I just sat there with the book and the picture... not really finding a way into it, not seeing or hearing anything at all.

Finally, I heard this:

"You are building something. How high do you want it to go? How complicated do you want it to be? At what point does it become too much?"

And now, later, I'm wondering also about firm foundations and structural integrity, and the importance of community.

So to what was it referring? I'm not sure. Maybe I don't even know what I'm building!

Hmmm.....

What is the Morning Meditation?

Scared?

Imported from Question of the Day, this is the question that was asked a year ago... (I've also imported and posted the answers.) So, are you up for answering a question or two?

Here goes:

Is there something you could do today that is maybe a little (or a lot) scary? What would your life look like if every day, you did the thing that scared you the most?

Twenty Questions

I get these silly things via email all the time, and today I decided to push this one off you you guys. Write your answers on a piece of paper. And don't cheat. The answers are at the bottom of the post. Are you young at heart? Or old before your time?

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The buttmaster
C. Spaghetti
D. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
F. Milk
G. Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...
A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E. Fabian
F. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and...
A. It's you
B. He is us
C. It's the Grinch
D. He wasn't home
E. He's really mean
F. We quit
G. He surrendered

4. Good night, David.
A. Good night, Chet
B. Sleep well
C. Good Night, Irene
D. Good Night, Gracie
E. See you later, alligator
F. Until tomorrow
G. Good night, Steve

5. You'll wonder where the yellow went,
A. When you use Tide
B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your tub
D. If you paint the room blue
E. If you buy a soft water tank
F. When you use Lady Clairol
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend,
A. Stuart Whitman
B. Randolph Scott
C. Steve Reeves
D. Maynard G. Krebbs
E. Corky B. Dork
F. Dave the Whale
G. Zippy Zoo

7. Liar, liar...
A. You're a liar
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher
F. On the wire
G. I'm telling Mom

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and...
A. Wheaties
B. Lois Lane
C. TV ratin gs
D. World peace
E. Red tights
F. The American way
G. News headlines

9 . Hey, kids, what time is it?
A. It's time for Yogi Bear
B. It's time to do your homework
C. It's Howdy Doody Time
D. It's Time for Romper Room
E. It's bedtime
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour
G. Scoopy Doo Time

10. Lions and tigers and bears...
A. Yikes
B. Oh no
C. Gee whiz
D. I'm scared
E. Oh My
F. Help Help
H. Let's run

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone
A. Over 40
B. Wearing a uniform
C. Carrying a briefcase
D. Over 30
E. You don't know
F. Who says, 'Trust me'
G. Who eats tofu

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings.
A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Stauback
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway

13. Brylcream...
A. Smear it on
B. You'll smell great
C. Tame that cowlick
D. Greaseball heaven
E. It's a dream
F. We're your team
G. A little dab'll do ya

14. I found my thrill...
A. In Blueberry muffins
B. With my man, Bill
C. Down at the mill
D. Over the windowsill
E. With thyme and dill
F. Too late to enjoy
G. On Blueberry Hill

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by
A. Clark Gable
B. Mary Martin
C. Doris Day
D. Errol Flynn
E. Sally Fields
F. Jim Carey
G. Jay Leno

16. Name the Beatles
A. John, Steve, George , Ringo
B. John, Paul, George , Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George , Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George , Ringo
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George , Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, wonder, who
A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?

18. I'm strong to the finish
A. Cause I eats my broccoli
B. Cause I eats me spinach
C. Cause I lift weights
D. Cause I'm the hero
E. And don't you forget it
f. Cause Olive Oyl loves me
g. To outlast Bruto

19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today...
a. Smile, you're on Candid Camera
b. Smile, you're on Star Search
c. Smile, you won the lottery
d. Smile, we're watching you
e. Smil e, the world sees you
f. Smile, you're a hit
g. Smile, you're on TV

20. What do M & M's do?
a. Make your tummy happy
b. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket
c. Make you fat
d. Melt your heart
e. Make you popular
f. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
g. Come in colors

Okay, now scroll down for the answers!



Here are the right answers.

1 - D -Wonder Bread
2 - G -Cassius Clay
3 - B -He Is Us
4 - A -Good night, Chet
5 - G -When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6 - D -Maynard G. Krebbs
7 - C -Pants On Fire
8 - F -The American Way
9 - C -It's Howdy Doody Time
10 - E -Oh My
11 - D -Over 30
12 - C -Joe Namath
13 - G -A little dab'll do ya
14 - G -On Blueberry Hill
15 - B -Mary Martin
16 - G -John, Paul, George , Ringo
17 - D -Who wrote the book of Love
18 - B -Cause I eats me spinach
19 - A -Smile, you're on Candid Camera
20 - F -Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand

Well, how did you do?
If you are over 60, you probably did pretty well.
If you are under 30, you probably sucked big time.

If you're over 50 and you failed miserably - congratulations! You're young at heart!
If you're under 40 and you got most of them right - so sorry! You're old before your time.

Are you still cool?

This test is based on how cool you were in school, what crowd you hung about with, etc., but it's still quite accurate by today's standards. You may want to send it to your friends too, to see if they've changed as they've become older.

LET'S SEE, ARE YOU STILL A COOL PERSON?

Click on the link below to find out.

Am I cool?

What is the third eye?

After omming with Hamatsa, I thought it might be interesting to do a little research and find out more about the third eye. Here's what wikipedia has to say about it:

The third eye (also known as the inner eye) is a metaphysical and esoteric concept referring in part to the ajna chakra in certain Eastern and Western spiritual traditions. It is also spoken of as the gate that leads within to inner realms and spaces of higher consciousness. In New Age spirituality, the third eye may alternately symbolize a state of enlightenment or the evocation of mental images having deeply-personal spiritual or psychological significance. The third eye is often associated with visions, clairvoyance, precognition, and out-of-body experiences, and people who have developed the capacity to use their third eyes are sometimes known as seers.

In Hinduism and Buddhism, the third eye is a symbol of enlightenment. In the Indian tradition, it is referred to as the jnana-chaksu, the eye of knowledge, which is the seat of the 'teacher inside' or antar-guru. The third eye is the sixth chakra. This is commonly denoted in Indian and East Asian iconography with a dot, eye or mark on the forehead of deities or enlightened beings, such as Shiva, the Buddha, or any number of yogis, sages and bodhisattvas. This symbol is called the "Third Eye" or "Eye of Wisdom", or, in Buddhism, the urna. In Hinduism, it is believed that the opening of Shiva's third eye causes the eventual destruction of the universe.

In the Upanishads, a human being is likened to a city with ten gates. Nine gates (eyes, nostrils, ears, mouth, urethra, anus) lead outside to the sensory world. The third eye is the tenth gate and leads to inner realms housing myriad spaces of consciousness.

According to Max Heindel's Rosicrucian writings, called Western Wisdom Teachings, there are in the brain two small organs called the pituitary body and the pineal gland. This last gland is also called by medical science as "the atrophied third eye"; however, these teachings describe that none of them are atrophying: the pituitary body and the pineal gland at the present time are neither evolving nor degenerating, but are dormant. It is said that in the far past, when man was in touch with the inner worlds, these organs were his means of ingress thereto, and they will again serve that purpose at a later stage.

According to this view, they were connected with the involuntary or sympathetic nervous system and to regain contact with the inner worlds (to reawaken the pituitary body and the pineal gland) it is necessary to establish the connection of the pineal gland and the pituitary body with the cerebrospinal nervous system. It is said that when that is accomplished, man will again possess the faculty of perception in the higher worlds (i.e. clairvoyance), but on a grander scale than it was in the distant past, because it will be in connection with the voluntary nervous system and therefore under the control of his will.

Ok... enough of that... how about some other third eye pictures?

Are you psychic?

A friend of mine sent me a link to a website that has an intuition test, and a test for psychic ability. I thought it might be fun to share it here. The neame of the site is IntuitionTest.com. Here's the blurb on the front page:

Are you intuitive? The dictionary defines intuitive (adj.) as "being guided by one’s intuition". If you’re intuitive, you tend to:

• Follow your heart
• Listen to your inner voice
• Trust your feelings

If that sounds like you, you may not need an intuition test to tell you so! (But we have one for you, just the same.) Take the intuition test.

Well, I took the test and here are my results:

• You scored 195 out of a possible 200 points.
• You are extremely intuitive (But you already knew that!)

Ok... so that was cool I then decided to take the psychic test. Here's what they had to say about it:

Are you psychic? "Psychic" comes from a greek word, meaning "of or pertaining to the soul". If you’re psychic, you tend to:

• Often know what’s going to happen ahead of time
• Find that information just “comes to you”
• See, feel, and hear things that prove to be accurate
• If you're psychic, you probably don't need a psychic ability test to tell you so! (But we have one for you, just the same.) Take the psychic ability test.

So, bolstered by the intuition results, I launched confidently into the psychic ability test. I did amazinly terrible! Here are my results:

• You scored 5 out of a possible 100 points.
• You are surprisingly un-psychic

LOL... Ok, so now we know. I cannot fortell the future. I wonder if that means my inner voices are just wrong?

Got plumbing issues?

Never fear! The Plumber Guy is here! Yes. You can now ask any "how to" plumbing question, right here, on this very site... and the Plumber Guy will give you an immediate answer! Not only that, this amazing service is absolutely free of charge and open 24 hours a day! You can find him in his office at the bottom of the page.

What is freedom?

What is freedom? And is it truly possible?

Channeling Aragorn

Ok, so I've been considering how to channel Aragorn and it occurred to me that I need to answer some basic questions first:

1. Where is the shire?
2. And what exactly am I protecting it from?
3. Who are the hobbits?
4. Rivendell... how do I get there from here?
5. Arwyn, who are you? Where are you? And how do you spell your name?
6. What is the sword that was broken?
7. Where do I find it?
8. Who is going to reforge it for me?
9. What is the quest?
10. Where the heck is Frodo, anyway...

And this post has been moved to my new website, shirleytwofeathers.com, and can be found on my personal blog, Hey It's Me