One Can of Camo Silver Ice 24 High Gravity Lager Beer xxXxx and....

Recently my sister sent me an email that really hurt my feelings and threw me into a large funk. As a result, I've had a couple of really interesting "aha!" moments which I'd like to share with you today, however, I decided to try a can of Camo Silver Ice 24 High Gravity Lager Beer xxXxx... and yowsers! Did I get a buzz off of that!!

So, here I am not quite in my "right" mind, obsessing over the sister thing, and finding it impossible NOT to post her email on the internet. It does seem kind of mean, and petty to put it on the world wide web, and I DO have SOME sense of right and wrong, so... I'm going to post it in Russian... or maybe Norwegian... I dunno... I forgot which it is... like I said, the High Gravity Lager has given me a gravely serious buzz.

Anyway... here's the offending email, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed posting it!

De sier at når du starter til å avsløre din betinger det er gode nyheter og det er dårlig nyheter. De gode nyhetene er at din betinger avslører og de dårlige nyhetene er at din betinger avslører. Hva skjedde i går var om meg, ikke om du. Bunnlinje er jeg har hatt en fysisk reaksjon til noe motstand som jeg
hører i din stemme da jeg kan huske ; jeg må forbinde det hva jeg bevisstløst oppfattet har med til å være din longstanding, irreperable motstand TIL MEG.

Eller gjorde jeg har noe ide akkurat hvor mye jeg hadde internalized belastningen av. Hva du sier eller hvordan du sier det ikke punktet er. Hva er punktet er at jeg har på en eller annen måte, uten forethought, enighet, articulation, verdighet eller selv rasjonell tro, nådde min grense for supressing som jeg virkelig er. Jeg har hatt et falskt forhold med deg siden for evig, bestå av en stor byrde av forventningen som du en dag hører på meg og

hører meg - virkelig hører meg. Og som la et barn som jeg også tilpasset oppførsel liker til å unngå konflikt med deg, deg har det siste ordet, holder min tunge, supressing mine følelser, som forandrer min sann mening til å passe din, og er fullstendig passiv og selv beskyttende fordi jeg har ikke stolt på du til å være type til mine sårbarheter. Dyp enn det, jeg har ikke stolt på meg selv til å være type til mine egene sårbarheter og jeg har virkelig vært meget

grusom til meg selv. Jeg lekte aldri et spill med deg at jeg ikke enten har latt deg vinner eller vinner selv bevisst slik at du ikke ville tro at jeg akkurat lot deg hvert spill vinner. Når jeg ble trettet av blir skremt av din misbilligelse jeg enkelt ville unngå deg alt i alt. Jeg tilpasset meg også ved til å den PRØVE kjøpe din hengivenhet, som i løpet åretet gir du mange av mine skatter til å bare finne de var mest meningsløs til deg. Dette har fortsatt, jeg

nå ser slik tydelig, i praktisk gi bort mitt kunsthåndverk og anbringe meget lav verdi på mine «skatter», er det en roman, et arbeid, min tid, eller selv en realisere. Ahas er kommet i avalanche deler og som jeg tilstår i går jeg filtet komplett begravd i sorg og steinflisen av en lammende barndom. Om jeg liker det eller ikke det er all brutt nå, derfor jeg nå kan være klar. Jeg er vokst opp nok nå til å være min egen søster, kan meg høre jeg, kan jeg stole på meg selv

med mine sårbarheter (kan meg spesielt denne som har vært slik hard for meg til å lage fred med), jeg gi verdsetter, jeg kan tjene min egen godkjenning, jeg kan verdsette og kan vurdere mitt arbeid, min åndelig praksis, min tid, mitt liv, og jeg kan nå til slutt endelig motstå stans Meg selv. Det er sant uheldig at dette kunne ikke komme ut mer ordentlig og uten til å involvere din følelser. Jeg antar det kom ut nøyaktig som en seks eller et åtte år-gammel ville komme ut med

noe som har ødelagt henne - plutselig, vanskelig og meget malplassert uttrykt til punktet til å være unintelligable. Jeg vil ikke for alt verdenen behovet du til å gjøre nå hva jeg har gjort for mest av mitt liv - redigerer en samtale med din søster. Tro og føl seg uansett hva du vil ; sier hva du vil når du sier det, motstår hva du motstår, selv om det er meg og alle tingene som jeg elsker, identifiserer med og representerer. Jeg ville ikke ville deg noe annen måte enn

måten som du virkelig er. Jeg vil meg noe annen måte enn måten ikke som jeg virkelig er. Det er ekstremt uheldig at «du» er floket dem opp i denne bemerkelsesverdige driftstanset av en av mitt grunnlag konstruerer. Til slutt, ja er det kunner som en projeksjon og jeg ber du ikke tar det personlig, som ved lyden av din post, har du. Dette er det del at lager meg meget, meget trist. Kanskje nå kan jeg være autentisk og en bedre venn til deg. Jeg håper slik.

There, I feel much better... don't you? Oh, and by the way, it's English to Russian to Norwegian... in case you're wondering... I just wanted to be sure that I didn't do anything too mean... like post it in English and send it to all of her friends... although I'm feeling just childish enough to do something that shitty.

And, not that I'm still angry or anything... but I posted a shitload of quotes by the Marquis de Sade at Way Cool Quotes, and here is a cool list of 111 insults, plus this by Groucho Marx, and oh wait... Golden Books that never got published, I wonder why. And just to prove that I'm as enlightened as anyone else, here are some Words to Live By.

So, I'll just call it a night with this message from Stewie.

Hating my job!

I just love it when I can post stuff that my sister says, I don't know if you guys feel the same way or not, but since I love it, and it's my blog, I'm doing it anyway.

So, today I sent the following email to my sister:

I am really hating my job. Today I felt like I was going to throw up when I thought about having to come in. And here I am... my whole body almost rigid with resistance... I think it's because there will begin to be an ongoing and determined effort on the part of management to push push push for numbers and stats... and OMG I just HATE that. Plus, I heard that gas prices are expected to hit $6 a gallon by the end of summer, and so there's all that worry and fear... my income drops... and the idea of getting an even lesser paying job that I would like better seems out of the question... unless there was something really really close to where I live.

I have more to say, but I have to get this sent so I can get to work repeating meaningless platitudes over and over and over again for hours and hours and hours to the same people who call over and over and over again every day...

I'm feeling nauseous again just thinking about it.

And this was her reply:

Okay, as to your job, I’m going to yank out the Eckhart – sorry. The hallmark of conscious ‘doings’ is: acceptance, or enjoyment, or enthusiasm. Don’t resist reading this because it is very, very interesting and I’m not suggesting you just “Accept” your fate! Acceptance is the baseline energy field, enjoyment being higher and enthusiasm being an energy level that is higher than that. If you can’t bring a level of acceptance into your job, there is a message for you to go. The message sounds a little louder if the working conditions are setting up to put you in a position of being in trouble for not meeting goals, if that is not what you are interested in doing.

(side bar: absolutely right... I have no interest in meeting any one's goals but my own... no interest at all... nada.. nothing... zilch)

Now. At this moment in time you see no way to do anything else, so here is my unsolicited advice: meditate whenever you can, in your quiet alone time, driving, just waking up, etc, on the open-ended question of God – what do you want, what does creation want from me?

(side bar: OK, Gracie, here's the thing. I've been asking God and the Universe, and The Powers That Be what the hell they want from me for most of my natural life and a good part of my unnatural life... and if God or Whoever would just pop in for a nice little visit one day, or even do some writing on my wall.. whatever... that would be just great! But at this point I'm thinking that's never gonna happen... )

Hold the question space often, always, consistently. This is the field of all possibilities, the space of the unanswered, conscious question. Leave the answer to the universe – you are simply holding space for an answer and sometimes, creation needs time and circumstances to line up and sometimes that requires waiting. Know that you are not stuck at Unity forever. It is impossible. Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass. And, while you are there, this is your doorway to freedom.

(side bar: so true... nothing lasts forever. One day I'll be DEAD, and that job will be OVER, and my financial problems will be SOLVED.)

Feel the resistance in your body and be with it without going into the story that you need to get away from the circumstance that is causing the resistance. For all we know, this is your whole life’s work, to dissolve a rigid wall inside of you that will melt walls in the world and pave the way for serendipity and spontaneous happenings for many, many people. The discomfort of resistance is intense, but the resistance is there and must be felt consciously or it will come back in every other form it can until it is brought out into the light of consciousness and transmuted into an enormous amount of energy.

(side bar: OK... you're my sister and I love you. I also respect you and appreciate you. But I'm not sure that I agree here. It seems to me that what you focus on grows. And if I sit with my resistance... it just gets bigger and bigger until it's about to choke me. If, on the other hand, I put my mind to how best to avoid having to work while I'm at work, I feel much better about the whole situation.)

When you free up that energy field you will have all that energy behind your natural spiritual power and your experience of the world will be so much more supportive. This is something I know. I have spent years working on certain very uncomfortable energy fields inside me, and I have seen it operating in Carol very, very clearly, and beyond that, it is just plain true. I feel something real, focused, direct and almost channeled at times – that is a power that was freed up from doing inquiry for years.

(side bar: grudgingly I accept that you might possibly be right.)

Now, the fear story about gasoline is very crippling and it sounds like you are going to have to feel fear too. All of us are required to feel fear, but a fraction are capable of doing it consciously and changing fear energy into creative energy. I would, if I were you, work on the resistance first and to the extent you can, just notice the fear story tape running in your head. People love to generate fear and talking about future disasters like gas at $6 a gallon is right up there as a fear generator. There are more possibilities in the universe than either/or and the ego loves to think in very limiting terms like always, never, but and should. It will refuse to think in terms of IS because that is too close to God. Right now, gas prices are what they are.

(side bar: I'm actually really good at changing fear energy into creative energy. Really good at it. As a matter of fact, whenever I get nervous about anything, my first impulse is to start something new. And not something small and new either. Usually it's something hugely stimulating and creatively challenging. As a matter of fact, right now, at this moment I have 3 art pieces in "the cooker" and 4 in progress.

Hmmm... LIGHT BULB MOMENT... could it be that I have a belief system that says I cannot be creative if I don't have major discomfort going on in my life???)

My sister says...

This is what my sister told me about Roadrunners. She said that they hunt other birds, and when they catch one, it screams and screams, and it's just terrible. Other birds seem terrified of a roadrunner. They remind her of the Raptors in Jurassic Park.

While researching roadrunners, I found this nifty little clip at YouTube. The birds involved are not roadrunners, and I'm still not sure what they are... but it was just fascinating to watch.

Here it is:

Some Good Advice

This was my sister's response to It's Deja Vu All Over Again.

Okay, you asked - hope you don't regret it... I think it is great, encouraging and inspirational progress that you are ready to confront this worrisome miasma... I smell the end of its dominion over you.

Yes, I think it is a miracle you've lasted this long on snips and snatches and any of your solutions seem viable. Why not just do what has immediately presented itself to you to do? - forget about the future and don't project past right now. God has kept you from bankruptcy and ruin and all kinds of horrible working situations, and simple, grateful awareness has to have some measure of sustaining power.

There's no reason to suspect that universal support will dissolve just because you are at a point when you are ready for some abundance in your life. Know deeply and with certainty that all is as it should be - right now - it could never have been any other way. Abandon the need to know how things will work out; take your primary focus away from past and future and lend them little power over this moment. Hold a knowing space within where there is even greater certainty that there is an unfolding greater good of which you will increasingly be aware and participate in its manifestation.

Acting from this foundation, allowing things to unfold without projecting the small self in the process, is (in my opinion only) the most powerful, transformational accomplishment.

Then sit down and do the abundance mantra out loud for 15 min and then silently for 15 - do it when you can:

Om - Shreem - Maha - Lakshmi - Yei - Swaha

I am doing this mantra now and you and I together will multiply it's potency because of our connection - where you have abundance, so do I, and so do all those you and I love. So this is not optional - it is a mandate now - we must manifest abundance in the world for a higher purpose.

Shirley should practice what she preaches.

So this is what my sister has to say about doing "the work" on this statement (made by me) "Shirley should practice what she preaches." I found it really interesting, and I'm glad she shared it with me, and so here I am sharing it with you.

After the fact, I will tell you I thought this would be a quickie. The turn around was in my head in the 'been-there-done-that' sense of myself. I was somewhat amazed, increasingly so when I got to the real turn arounds, by the depth I found in this simple, universal thought. I investigated I should practice what I preach and came away truly amazed at what I could reveal to myself through it. This is the question of a master archeologist... an individual who maps out a piece of ground and meticulously brushes the dirt away from the bones... This question brought me to a point of self awareness that I have circled for some many years...

I should practice what I preach.
Is that true? Seems undeniably true.

Can I absolutely know I should practice what I preach?
Well, no. Not really. Perhaps what I preach isn't all the good for me!

How do I react when I have the thought I should practice what I preach, and there I am doing exactly the opposite of what I preach?
Depressed, disgusted, angry with myself, hard, mean, contracted and paralyzed. Good for nothing, weak, pathetic, self indulgent, undisciplined, lazy, irresponsible, and indolent...

Who would I be if I couldn't have the thought I should practice what I preach?
I would be doing what I do when I do it and feel like it was the right thing at the right time. I would be more open, energetic, and positive about the future that I'm creating for myself. I would be less preachy and live by the values I hold true, or more acurately, my values would be expressed through me by my actions, not through my beliefs about them.

Turn it around:
I shouldn't practice what I preach.

1. If I don't, that is reality and a good place to further my inquiry.
   What is stuck between me and my values?
   What is keeping me separated from the life I want to live?
   What exactly am I preaching that I don't practice?
2. I notice that I am unwilling to practice what I preach. Not only is it honest, it is good to know about myself and a more open place to be than the place of "I can't seem to... or I should..."
3. I can also notice that I'm happiest when I'm in synchrony with my values and I can begin to notice what I'm thinking when I make choices that don't jive.
4. Perhaps what I preach is a belief system that isn't true. Maybe all that is required for my freedom is for the content of my sermons to fall away...maybe I would be in 24/7 bliss if my sacred religions all collapsed...
5. I can notice how judgmental is feels to disapprove of the disconnect between what I say I believe and what I live. I can be more forgiving of others who can't seem to practice what they preach either - as Katie says, "If it's so easy sweetheart, you try it!"
6. I can be very grateful when I run accross someone who can practice what they preach and I can feel true, deep admiration for them. What I can truly appreciate in someone else must also be alive in me - I wouldn't be able to see it if that wasn't true.
   

Let's go to a deeper level here -

What is stuck between me and my values?
Could it be that what I'm really after from wanting to practice what I preach is a sense of superiority? Could it be that I want the persona of she who has her stuff together... ? Could it be that I can't seem to manifest that superior being because she is a figment of my ego and my ego can't ever be fed enough, no matter how many achievements I churn out...?

What is keeping me separated from the life I want to live?
There is a pattern of self recrimination that cripples good, spontaneous impulses of 'right' and loving action; the self recrimination comes from hidden, conditioned thinking, thoughts that are terribly scolding because I'm not living up to some idealized vision I have for "me"; that hidden conditioned thinking often worms its way in to the point where I avoid doing TW or, more pointedly, I am convinced I can't find the stressful thinking... the more I do TW the more I sense that I am afraid of finding the stressful, conditioned thought - it is uncomfortable and scary... and in the next breath, I'm going to go exactly there -

What exactly am I preaching that I don't practice?
Consistency, focus, hard work, determination, effort...
I am unwilling to practice yoga; I am unwilling to exercise (to a certain point for a certain length of time, i.e., I am unwilling to break a sweat); I am unwilling to really clean the house regularly, on a schedule; I am unwilling to defer certain indulgences in favor of work; at times I am unwilling to forego (questionable) pleasures for (satisfying) purpose WOW. That was interesting...

I am unwilling to do certain things in a disciplined way - that is setting aside time for them and applying myself to them consistently, over time and to a point - this would include drawing, writing, exercising, housekeeping, caring for family, raising dogs and children... I AM UNWILLING TO BREAK A SWEAT AND I AM UNWILLING TO GET OUT OF MY SAFE, COMFORTABLE HABITS... No wonder my favorite television entertainments involve people put into situations that require superhuman stamina, determination, effort, and willingness to break out of their comfort zones...!

I am unwilling to work first, play later and I can't admire that at all...

This was magic - something fell off me or the shell cracked. Could you feel it happen I wonder?

I should stop it now!

My sister and I are doing "The Work" every day. Today, we are "working" on this statement: I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. We are both artists, and I found the dialogue about this subject really interesting, so I'm sharing it here. I hope she doesn't mind.

Grace: I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. True. My art commissions come and I accept them with reluctance. Opportunities are everywhere for me and I skirt them, ditch them and avoid them. Even the work I do get is subtly sabotaged by certain thought processes about it - especially about its worth, value and monetary symbolism.

The last time I framed mementos for the Race for the Cure, I put a hex on them so I would never have to do them again. They were gorgeous and they haven't called me since! Some of the commissions I get that require me to use artistic licence are fraught with such a subtle fear of failure that I can't really be original, creative or even enjoy the work (because and especially because it isn't original or creative).

I feel like I don't maximize my artistic potential because I sabotage that potential from the get-go. I wonder how much more money and work would come to me if I took the jobs I do get with wonder, joy, enthusiasm, excitement and gratitude and speedy love...

Shirley: I have got to stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me because if I don't stop it, good things will stop coming to me. Why would the universe continually present me with opportunities if I am too stupid, too lazy, to inadequate, and/or too frightened to take advantage of it. How many times would YOU offer something to someone if EVERY SINGLE TIME they either turned it down flat out, or made a huge freaking mess out of it? My guess is that pretty soon, those opportunities would stop being offered at all.

As for opportunities as an artist, I make damn sure that those opportunities never even arise. Look at this blog for example. As you can see, other than a few half hearted stabs at selling stuff, I have done absolutely nothing all year long. And the year is almost over!

Would my art be selling like hotcakes if I put myself 100% on the line with it? Would my cafe press store, my etsy store, and my finer works page be well traveled and and well shopped if I put some of my energy into that direction? I don't know ... because I haven't done it. Those little online shops aren't successes and they aren't failures. They are dead in the water.

And I don't exercise my artistic potential, nor do I exercise my other potentials because I am too busy putting all my time and energy into projects and ideas that will NEVER turn into anything. And I am too busy putting all my energy and my drive into avoiding anything at all that might actually turn into a success. As a matter of fact... "Much Ado About Nothing" pretty much sums up how I spend the majority of my time.

If someone came to me tomorrow and said, "Shirley, I will give you $1000 if you will do a Middle of the Night art piece... you choose the content, you choose the subject... do it your way... and I will buy it." OMG, I would be paralyzed. I would lose my paper. I would lose my art supplies, suddenly I wouldn't have any time at all, nothing I put on that piece of paper would be good enough, I might not even be able to get out of bed in the morning. Would that picture ever get done? I don't even know. Maybe... Maybe not.

Grace: I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. Is that true? It feels true.

Shirley: Yes, I do think it's true that I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. It does feel true. Desperately true.

Grace: Can I absolutely know I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me? No. I can't absolutely know anything.

Shirley: Can I absolutely know, beyond all doubt, that I should stop sabotaging every good things that come to me? Well... maybe not EVERY good thing. I don't have to be open and receptive to EVERY good thing. And actually, instead of sabotaging, I could simply say "No, not this time, thank you!" So, while I can say that yes, I should stop sabotaging the good that comes to me, I can also say that I do not have to take advantage of EVERY opportunity that comes my way. I do not have to play this elaborate, time consuming, energy depleting game of avoidance and sabotage - I could instead, be straightforward, and honest, and just say, "Thank you, I think I'll pass on this one. "

Grace: How do I react when I have the thought I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me? Put upon, overwhelmed, as if I should try to tackle and digest everything that comes my way. I feel uncertainty in my decisions, I feel awkward in my choices, I feel confused and muddled and disgusted with myself. My self talk is very harsh and scolding, and I despair of ever being successful.

Shirley: How do I react when I have that thought that I should stop sabotaging the good things that come to me? I feel pressured, and squeezed. Like I'm on trial for some terrible crime, and the long arm of the law is about to pound me into submission and defeat. I feel like I want to lock my door, unplug my phone, and hide under the bed. I feel like a failure, like a bug or a worm waiting to get squished. Interestingly, it feels sort of like a death sentence... or at the very least a really long prison term in a very bad place.

Grace: Who would I be without the thought I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me? Free to live and do what I do when the spirit comes my way. Free to enjoy what I'm doing when I do it. Trusting, safe, sure.

With the thought confused and muddled; without the thought free and sure. There is no stress free reason to hang on to the thought that I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me.

Shirley: Who would I be without the thought that I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes my way? I would feel so much more confidence. I would stand taller, have more self assurance. I can see myself walking out the door each new day feeling sure of myself and my place in the world, knowing I have value and worth.

With the thought I'm huddling under the bed, without it I'm heading out the door ready, willing, and able to tackle just about anything that comes my way.

Grace: The turn around: I should sabotage the good things that comes to me.

1. Well, if something good comes to me and I sabotage it, then it is reality. I can't argue with what is, so if I sabotaged something, then obviously I should have.
2. I may not know that the thing that I have labeled as "good" is really good. Maybe I should sabotage it for the well being of the planet or me or someone else or some other unknown.
3. Maybe by experiencing the frustration of self-sabotage I can be more compassionate to people who suffer from the same affliction - maybe if I didn't have to experience the pain of it I would be insufferable and pious.
4. Maybe the pain of self-sabotage brings me directly to this place where I want to know the truth and I am willing to go inside and inquire.

Another turn around? My thinking should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. No kidding. Amen to that.

• Four F's on a report card comes to me as the best possible thing and I sabotage it by thinking it is terrible.
• A stray dog comes to me as the best possible addition to our family and I sabotage it by letting him linger under a tree for four days while I entertain thoughts like I don't want the hassle, the expense, the poop, the extra work...
• The neighbors cut down a tree and I sabotage it by thinking that is the worst offense - for all I know the hastening of global warming could also hasten our collective enlightenment. We may never evolve without the end of the world looming over us! We may never fix our individual selves if we fail and fail and fail to fix our collective selves. We may be stuck in the material, outer reality if it doesn't start becoming scary and tragic. If we believe in an outer cause and it doesn't reward us with miserable failure, we could be stuck forever as missionaries and never turn into saints. We may need the destruction of our sacred religions to drive us into soul work.

I look forward to sabotaging the next good thing that comes my way. I will be very interested in inquiring about it. I may find another stressful thought behind there that wants to be met with love and understanding, like I might fail or I'm not good enough or I just don't want to do this but I feel like I have to... Who knows?

Shirley: My turn arounds are as follows...

1. Sabotage is no longer necessary because I can just say "No, not right now, thank you very much."
2. I do not have to say "yes" just because it's a good thing.
3. When I find it impossible to just say "No", it is perfectly acceptable, logical even, to use the fine art of sabotage. I might even find something interesting and valuable under that bed.
4. I am a master saboteur! Kudos to me!

As for that other turn around: My thinking should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. Hmmm... I disagree. My thinking can do whatever my thinking wants to do. I can look at life however I want to look at life. I am not willing to put rules and shoulds and fetters and snares on my thinking. I am a free thinker. Therefore, it's OK for my thinking to sabotage whatever it wants to sabotage. I know that as brilliant as my thinking is, those acts of sabotage will lead to wisdom and compassion. Because wisdom and compassion are the places that my mind always wants to go. That the same thinking that sabotages my good might even lead to a really brilliant piece of art. Why wouldn't it? I'm an artist. And that same thinking just might lead me straight into the hands of God - which is where I'm always headed anyway - no matter where I run, no matter where I try to hide. Which right now at this moment gives me an idea for a brilliant piece of art... and right after we do "the work" on procrastination, I just might get started on it!

Oh, and by the way, I did create a brilliant piece of art about this subject a couple of years ago. It's called "I Crucify Myself A Thousand Times."

Feedback on my big idea

Here is what my sister had to say about my "Best Idea Yet", which basically consisted of running away from home and becoming a Gypsy Witch.


I have no talent for predicting good ideas versus bad ideas! But I do hear bits and pieces of an underlying theme here - you really want to get away, out, out from under, out into your authentic life...? What about your life right now is inauthentic? Do you really want to sell your property but you are stuck in the idea you can't? Do you really want to move away?

I have been getting so much insight from writing my thoughts down in 'the language of need...' I keep distilling these needs (always asking myself - is it true? etc using The Work), so that I'm clearer and clearer. When I have my clear and true need down, the manifesting starts happening in lightening proportions.

So, in the language of needs, I am wondering what your e-mail says about what you need - but since I'm not you, I'm not that clear about it. I think when you know what you truly need it will be so much easier to proceed toward manifesting it. For instance, if you need to sell your property and move your life along - if you really know that is what you need - then the fear is drained away and your can proceed patiently and the universe can and will make it happen. And in the practical sense, you will know the next step - call a realtor and have it valued - see an attorney and get clear about what you can and can't do -

If you find out that the urge to leave is really the manifestation of your need to get out from under the debt, then you will know you don't want to leave your property and you can make an appointment with an attorney and find out your options.

This is the best I can offer as far as a plan and I think it is brilliant by the way - you really need some solid ground as your launch pad. I don't see how you can go much further without really sitting quietly and touching your own wisdom. You are really and truly very extremely wise, so much wiser than you even know yourself to be. You are even wiser than the Red Jesus and all your friends put together. I know this to be TRUE.

If you were to ask me what I want to know?

What I want to know is what would happen if you got still for an hour - maybe two. Coffee and notepad a pencil, quiet time, quiet mind. I want to know.

If you were to go to the next step, I would be even more enlightened because your insights about yourself are clearing the way for insights about myself. You can write down your judgments about yourself - I am anxious, frightened, angry and confused about blah, blah, blah. I need blah, blah, blah. I never want to experience blah, blah, blah. I should, I shouldn't, blah, blah, blah. I am angry and disappointed with myself because of blah, blah, blah. Don't try to sugar coat it or make it sound more evolved than say a 13-year old...

Then you can know something really amazing and thoroughly true for you by doing the work on what you wrote... I love you and I know WHATEVER you do will be perfect.

Now that's some good advice, and I wonder why I still haven't done it.