Here's a little something special for those of us who didn't do so well on that quiz!
OK, I confess. I have been sinning all afternoon. I have been indulging in Sloth which is one of the 7 DEADLY sins. In atonement, I have uploaded an in depth description... well, actually, I copied it directly from Wikipedia - which is probably indicative of even MORE sloth... which constitutes even more sin. But Oh well....
Here's what wikipedia had to say about Sloth, along with my own comments:
More than other sins, the definition of sloth has changed considerably since its original inclusion among the seven deadly sins. In fact it was first called the sin of sadness or despair. It had been in the early years of Christianity characterized by what modern writers would now describe as melancholy: apathy, depression, and joylessness — the last being viewed as being a refusal to enjoy the goodness of God and the world he created.
Yowsers! Now that's interesting!! A "refusal to enjoy the goodness of God and the world he created" there might even be something wise there... some small bit of food for thought.
Originally, its place was fulfilled by two other aspects, acedia and sadness. The former described a spiritual apathy that affected the faithful by discouraging them from their religious work. Sadness (tristitia in Latin) described a feeling of dissatisfaction or discontent, which caused unhappiness with one's current situation.
Whoa! Spiritual apathy - I have that thing! Often! I wonder if it causes dissatisfaction and discontent - which I experience quite often!
When Thomas Aquinas selected acedia for his list, he described it as an "uneasiness of the mind", being a progenitor for lesser sins such as restlessness and instability.
So - instability and restlessness are sins??? Lesser, but nonetheless sins? I had NO IDEA! I don't even know what to think of that... it makes me all fidgety just thinking about it!
Dante refined this definition further, describing sloth as being the "failure to love God with all one's heart, all one's mind and all one's soul." He also described it as the middle sin, and as such was the only sin characterised by an absence or insufficiency of love. In his "Purgatorio", the slothful penitents were made to run continuously at top speed.
Running continuously at top speed? Whoa Nelly! I better get with it and start loving God a whole lot more! Way a lot more!
The modern view of the vice, as highlighted by its contrary virtue of zeal or diligence, is that it represents the failure to utilize one's talents and gifts. For example, a student who does not work beyond what is required (and thus fails to achieve his or her full potential) could be labeled slothful.
Oh, oh... here's a bugaboo! Not utilizing your talents and gifts! Use it or lose it - better yet, use it or run continuously at top speed for... how long... eternity??
Current interpretations are therefore much less stringent and comprehensive than they were in medieval times, and portray sloth as being more simply a sin of laziness or indifference, of an unwillingness to act, an unwillingness to care (rather than a failure to love God and his works). For this reason sloth is now often seen as being considerably less serious than the other sins, more a sin of omission than of commission.
Whew! Now that we're all slothfully planted in front of our big screen TV's it's not such a big sin anymore. (Big sigh of relief!)
The South American animal sloth was named after this sin by Roman Catholic explorers. Here's a picture of one. He's just a baby - isn't he cute?
My sister said, "I was reading about the secret language of water – he says that we must compliment ourselves and be very careful about using negative words… "
So I thought, OK, what is it that I am saying about myself? Of course, I couldn't remember anything other than an email which I sent to my sister, detailing all the ways in which I suck. So, I thought it might be interesting to go through all the posts on this blog and see what I have said about myself.
Negatives first:
You might disagree with some of the things I have listed as positives. for example... the one about being insane and bored, and the one about being a heretic. However, I enjoy those things about myself , so for me, they get tagged as positives. And, it's highly possible that I may have missed a few, it was quite a task reading all the posts on the blog. Also, I omitted the ones that were more about facts and activities I was/am engaged in, and I also left out anything phrased as a question. I find it very interesting that the lists are so well balanced. I thought for sure that the negatives would outweigh the positives 2 to 1. I wonder if my self talk is as balanced as my blog speak?
Ok, so today you are all in for another installment of the never ending "I would be happier if..." series.
I am healthy and I would be happier if my body wasn't covered with fat, and if I didn't have heartburn, and if I knew I was getting plenty of exercise and fresh air. I would be happier if I ate healthier food, if I had compassion and love for my digestive system, if I gave my physical self the care and the quality upkeep and maintenance that she deserves. I would feel better. And I would be happier.
Is this really true?
Yes! I think so. And if it's true, then why don't I do something about it? Why don't I at least make a stab at the cleansing fast that Daniel has actually done and that I haven't even tried to do? Why do I continue to buy my "groceries" at the local gas station?
Don't I want to be happy? Don't I want to take better care of Shirley? I can't even be nice enough NOT to post a picture of a donkey munching in a refrigerator. It looks too much like how I feel about me! So why don't I do something about it?
I don't get it...
Interestingly, I can't even find a current picture of myself to upload here. So, what's up with that? I went on an internet search for "fat" pictures to post instead, and came up with this awesome picture of someone named Teresina:
Wow! I love her outfit! She looks very powerful, doesn't she. Like a barbarian fertility goddess or something. I wonder if she hated her body, or if she liked pushing her "weight" around. I wonder if she avoided mirrors or not, and did she have lovers and suitors, and did she enjoy her life and if not why not, and if so... why?
And no, I'm not that fat, although I'm afraid that it could happen to me. And if I was that fat, I would be hiding in my bedroom, every mirror in the house would be disappeared, and nobody would have a picture of me ever! I wonder what it would be like to have a figure like Teresina... and at the same time to feel really good about yourself... confident... and beautiful. Willing to pose for a photographer wearing my best furs. I wonder how that would feel. I bet if I felt that good about myself, I'd be eating better - eating less - exercising more - going outside - and feeling happier.
My sister and I are doing "The Work" every day. Today, we are "working" on this statement: I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. We are both artists, and I found the dialogue about this subject really interesting, so I'm sharing it here. I hope she doesn't mind.
Grace: I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. True. My art commissions come and I accept them with reluctance. Opportunities are everywhere for me and I skirt them, ditch them and avoid them. Even the work I do get is subtly sabotaged by certain thought processes about it - especially about its worth, value and monetary symbolism.
The last time I framed mementos for the Race for the Cure, I put a hex on them so I would never have to do them again. They were gorgeous and they haven't called me since! Some of the commissions I get that require me to use artistic licence are fraught with such a subtle fear of failure that I can't really be original, creative or even enjoy the work (because and especially because it isn't original or creative).
I feel like I don't maximize my artistic potential because I sabotage that potential from the get-go. I wonder how much more money and work would come to me if I took the jobs I do get with wonder, joy, enthusiasm, excitement and gratitude and speedy love...
Shirley: I have got to stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me because if I don't stop it, good things will stop coming to me. Why would the universe continually present me with opportunities if I am too stupid, too lazy, to inadequate, and/or too frightened to take advantage of it. How many times would YOU offer something to someone if EVERY SINGLE TIME they either turned it down flat out, or made a huge freaking mess out of it? My guess is that pretty soon, those opportunities would stop being offered at all.
As for opportunities as an artist, I make damn sure that those opportunities never even arise. Look at this blog for example. As you can see, other than a few half hearted stabs at selling stuff, I have done absolutely nothing all year long. And the year is almost over!
Would my art be selling like hotcakes if I put myself 100% on the line with it? Would my cafe press store, my etsy store, and my finer works page be well traveled and and well shopped if I put some of my energy into that direction? I don't know ... because I haven't done it. Those little online shops aren't successes and they aren't failures. They are dead in the water.
And I don't exercise my artistic potential, nor do I exercise my other potentials because I am too busy putting all my time and energy into projects and ideas that will NEVER turn into anything. And I am too busy putting all my energy and my drive into avoiding anything at all that might actually turn into a success. As a matter of fact... "Much Ado About Nothing" pretty much sums up how I spend the majority of my time.
If someone came to me tomorrow and said, "Shirley, I will give you $1000 if you will do a Middle of the Night art piece... you choose the content, you choose the subject... do it your way... and I will buy it." OMG, I would be paralyzed. I would lose my paper. I would lose my art supplies, suddenly I wouldn't have any time at all, nothing I put on that piece of paper would be good enough, I might not even be able to get out of bed in the morning. Would that picture ever get done? I don't even know. Maybe... Maybe not.
Grace: I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. Is that true? It feels true.
Shirley: Yes, I do think it's true that I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. It does feel true. Desperately true.
Grace: Can I absolutely know I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me? No. I can't absolutely know anything.
Shirley: Can I absolutely know, beyond all doubt, that I should stop sabotaging every good things that come to me? Well... maybe not EVERY good thing. I don't have to be open and receptive to EVERY good thing. And actually, instead of sabotaging, I could simply say "No, not this time, thank you!" So, while I can say that yes, I should stop sabotaging the good that comes to me, I can also say that I do not have to take advantage of EVERY opportunity that comes my way. I do not have to play this elaborate, time consuming, energy depleting game of avoidance and sabotage - I could instead, be straightforward, and honest, and just say, "Thank you, I think I'll pass on this one. "
Grace: How do I react when I have the thought I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me? Put upon, overwhelmed, as if I should try to tackle and digest everything that comes my way. I feel uncertainty in my decisions, I feel awkward in my choices, I feel confused and muddled and disgusted with myself. My self talk is very harsh and scolding, and I despair of ever being successful.
Shirley: How do I react when I have that thought that I should stop sabotaging the good things that come to me? I feel pressured, and squeezed. Like I'm on trial for some terrible crime, and the long arm of the law is about to pound me into submission and defeat. I feel like I want to lock my door, unplug my phone, and hide under the bed. I feel like a failure, like a bug or a worm waiting to get squished. Interestingly, it feels sort of like a death sentence... or at the very least a really long prison term in a very bad place.
Grace: Who would I be without the thought I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me? Free to live and do what I do when the spirit comes my way. Free to enjoy what I'm doing when I do it. Trusting, safe, sure.
With the thought confused and muddled; without the thought free and sure. There is no stress free reason to hang on to the thought that I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me.
Shirley: Who would I be without the thought that I should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes my way? I would feel so much more confidence. I would stand taller, have more self assurance. I can see myself walking out the door each new day feeling sure of myself and my place in the world, knowing I have value and worth.
With the thought I'm huddling under the bed, without it I'm heading out the door ready, willing, and able to tackle just about anything that comes my way.
Grace: The turn around: I should sabotage the good things that comes to me.
Another turn around? My thinking should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. No kidding. Amen to that.
I look forward to sabotaging the next good thing that comes my way. I will be very interested in inquiring about it. I may find another stressful thought behind there that wants to be met with love and understanding, like I might fail or I'm not good enough or I just don't want to do this but I feel like I have to... Who knows?
Shirley: My turn arounds are as follows...
As for that other turn around: My thinking should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to me. Hmmm... I disagree. My thinking can do whatever my thinking wants to do. I can look at life however I want to look at life. I am not willing to put rules and shoulds and fetters and snares on my thinking. I am a free thinker. Therefore, it's OK for my thinking to sabotage whatever it wants to sabotage. I know that as brilliant as my thinking is, those acts of sabotage will lead to wisdom and compassion. Because wisdom and compassion are the places that my mind always wants to go. That the same thinking that sabotages my good might even lead to a really brilliant piece of art. Why wouldn't it? I'm an artist. And that same thinking just might lead me straight into the hands of God - which is where I'm always headed anyway - no matter where I run, no matter where I try to hide. Which right now at this moment gives me an idea for a brilliant piece of art... and right after we do "the work" on procrastination, I just might get started on it!
Oh, and by the way, I did create a brilliant piece of art about this subject a couple of years ago. It's called "I Crucify Myself A Thousand Times."
I crucify myself
a thousand times every day
I keep thinking
that
I'll cut it out
but I don't
there is all this extra baggage
and unfinished business
and this nebulous thing about
"being nice"
even when
I'm trying to be pointed and honest
strings are attached
I forgive them and then
forget to forgive
myself
this is my crown of thorns
my Crown Royal
and this is where
I stab myself
in the back
driving the point home
just literally pounding it in
is this really me
or do I still have my blinders
on shattering self images
counting down the years
time is running out
burning the candle
at both ends i'm trying to get a
handle on it
I want to be "good"
I want to get all my shit
into one small bag
I want that last piece
of the puzzle to slide
easily into place
and is that once in a blue moon
pie in the sky happily ever after
magical thinking
did i make my bed and now
i have to lie in it
feels deeply rooted
am I still a girl fragile
easily shattered
or just an old hag
with a bunch of screws loose
this is my slippery slope
the not so soft place
where I land
the quick sand I thrash around in
every day
Sabotage - what does that mean?
The word "sabotage" comes from the French word "sabot" and means "to trample with wooden shoes." A sabot is a clog with a leather top. At the beginning of agricultural mechanization French farm workers threw their "sabotes" into harvesting and processing machines (which were taking their jobs), thereby blocking the complicated mechanics of the mowing and threshing machines and rendering them useless. For the sake of their labor, they engaged in "sabotage".
Interesting.... I wonder if this means that self sabotage is actually a way to create "work" for ourselves. I mean, we wouldn't want things to be too easy, now would we? My sister and I recently did some "work" on this subject. You can read about it here.
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