So I got to wondering what the Osho Zen Tarot would say about the situation with my mother and what (if anything) could be done about it... (And if you didn't read that post, this might not make any sense.) I did a one card reading first, looking for a simple answer, and here it is:
Every moment there is a possibility to be total. Whatsoever you are doing, be absorbed in it so utterly that the mind thinks nothing, is just there, is just a presence. And more and more totality will be coming. And the taste of totality will make you more and more capable of being total. And try to see when you are not total. Those are the moments which have to be dropped slowly, slowly. When you are not total, whenever you are in the head--thinking, brooding, calculating, cunning, clever--you are not total. Slowly, slowly slip out of those moments. It is just an old habit. Habits die hard. But they die certainly--if one persists, they die.
And I'm sure that if I were to be totally total... whenever I'm in the moment with my mother. Letting go of the resistance, the expectations, the disappointments, the need to be heard, the desire to fix... that would be big... but can I do it? Maybe.... over time.... I dunno...
So, because that was so helpful, I went ahead and did a relationship spread. It was actually pretty good.
Imagining yourself, click the backside of the first card to display the first card. This is about You and what you are contributing to the relating here/now.
One moment it was there, another moment it is gone. One moment we are here, and another moment we have gone. And for this simple moment, how much fuss we make! How much violence, ambition, struggle, conflict, anger, hatred, just for this small moment! Just waiting for the train in a waiting room on a station, and creating so much fuss: fighting, hurting each other, trying to possess, trying to boss, trying to dominate - all that politics. And then the train comes and you are gone forever.
Commentary:
The figure in this card is completely covered in armor. Only his glare of rage is visible, and the whites of the knuckles on his clenched fists. If you look closely at the armor, you can see it's covered with buttons, ready to detonate if anybody so much as brushes up against them. In the background we see the shadowy movie that plays in this man's mind - two figures fighting for a castle.
An explosive temper or a smoldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact, just the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with armor we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need.
If this description seems to fit you, it's time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to you if you just let it in. Start by forgiving yourself: you're worth it.
Imagining the other, click the backside of the second card to display the second card. This represents the other's input to the relationship or situation.
When you are alone you are not alone, you are simply lonely - and there is a tremendous difference between loneliness and aloneness. When you are lonely you are thinking of the other, you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state. You are feeling that it would have been better if the other were there - your friend, your wife, your mother, your beloved, your husband. It would have been good if the other were there, but the other is not. Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
Commentary:
When there is no "significant other" in our lives we can either be lonely, or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues.
If you are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view your "aloneness" and take responsibility for the choice you have made.
The humble figure in this card glows with a light that emanates from within. One of Gautam Buddha's most significant contributions to the spiritual life of humankind was to insist to his disciples, "Be a light unto yourself." Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Click the backside of the third card to display the third card. This represents the composite energies, the two of you together.
Man is split. Schizophrenia is a normal condition of man--at least now. It may not have been so in the primitive world, but centuries of conditioning, civilization, culture and religion have made man a crowd--divided, split, contradictory.... But because this split is against his nature, deep down somewhere hidden the unity still survives. Because the soul of man is one, all the conditionings at the most destroy the periphery of the man. But the center remains untouched--that's how man continues to live. But his life has become a hell.
The whole effort of Zen is how to drop this schizophrenia, how to drop this split personality, how to drop the divided mind of man, how to become undivided, integrated, centered, crystallized. The way you are, you cannot say that you are. You don't have a being. You are a marketplace--many voices. If you want to say 'yes', immediately the 'no' is there. You cannot even utter a simple word 'yes' with totality.... In this way happiness is not possible; unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality.
Commentary:
The person on this card brings a new twist to the old idea of "getting stuck between a rock and a hard place"! But we are in precisely this sort of situation when we get stuck in the indecisive and dualistic aspect of the mind. Should I let my arms go and fall head-first, or let my legs go and fall feet-first? Should I go here or there? Should I say yes or no? And whatever decision we make, we will always wonder if we should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately, to let go of both at once. You can't work your way out of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons, or in any way working it out with your mind. Better to follow your heart, if you can find it. If you can't find it, just jump--your heart will start beating so fast there will be no mistake about where it is!
Click the backside of the fourth card to display the fourth card. This represents The Insight. And in my case, gives me a positive "to do" task.
In Sanskrit the name is alaya vigyan
, the house where you go on throwing into the basement things that you want to do but you cannot, because of social conditions, culture, civilization. But they go on collecting there, and they affect your actions, your life, very indirectly. Directly, they cannot face you--you have forced them into darkness, but from the dark side they go on influencing your behavior. They are dangerous, it is dangerous to keep all those inhibitions inside you. It is possible that these are the things that come to a climax when a person goes insane. Insanity is nothing but all these suppressions coming to a point where you cannot control them anymore. But madness is acceptable, while meditation is not--and meditation is the only way to make you absolutely sane.
Commentary:
The figure on this card is quite literally "all tied up in knots". His light still shines within, but he has repressed his own vitality trying to meet so many demands and expectations. He has given up all his own power and vision in return for being accepted by the very same forces that have imprisoned him. The danger of suppressing one's natural energy in this way is apparent in the cracks of a volcanic eruption about to take place around the edges of the image. The real message of the card is to find a healing outlet for this potential explosion. It is essential to find a way to release whatever tensions and stresses might be building up inside you right now. Beat on a pillow, jump up and down, go out into the wilderness and scream at the empty sky--anything to shake up your energy and allow it to circulate freely. Don't wait for a catastrophe to happen.
Wow!
It's always amazing to me when an online java scripting program manages to come up with such an intuitive grasp of a situation. Either that... or I am an extremely powerful person who can manipulate tarot cards even when they aren't actually real but merely a digital representation thereof...
reading I got yesterday on the situation with my mother. Haven't really done more than think about it.... And when I say think about it, the truth is that I haven't been thinking about what the reading actually said. No. I've been simply thinking about the reading in a more general way... like... well... "Wow... that was great..." and "Osho was really spot on..." That kind of thing. 
, than I did reading the 20 plus books on magic that I have in my bookcase. Watching Rome
, sent me to the crossroads and opened up a lot of magical doors. I have a huge collection of "change-your-life-and-make-it-better-books" but I didn't actually change my life until I watched The Lord of the Rings
. I have deeper insights into who I want to be, and who I really am from watching "Buffy
," "Heroes
," "Being Human
," and "Dexter
."
