Do You Love Me?

There is a book about love, and the different ways we express it and accept it. It's called The 5 Love Languages. I read it several years ago, and found it interesting and helpful. Here's a quickie synopsis of the five languages.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Not sure what yours is? You can take this quickie quiz. Interesting, huh? The first time I read this book, it was pretty clear that I'm one of those Quality Time sort of people, and I thought I had it all figured out. Recently, however, a friend of mine also read the book, and we got into a great discussion about it. And as a result, I'm not so sure that Gary Chapman got it exactly right. I think he's missing a few key components to the whole "I know you love me because..." thing.

For example, what about these?

I Can Count On You
This is the language of you're the soft place I land on when things go awry. I can count on you to back me when the chips are down. You will tell me the truth as you see it. You will listen to me rail about life and tell me to shut up when it's time to stop. And when things are going good - you're right there to enjoy them with me. When I reach for you - I always find you there.

You Know Me
This language is all about knowing who I really am. You don't just see the outer me. You see past all my bullshit and into the deeper me. If you give me a gift, it's something I would actually like. It resonantes. If you hug me or touch me - it's a comfort. If you say to me that you appreciate me - or need me - you say it because it's true not because it's what I want to hear. If you do something practical for me - it never leaves me feeling less than or beholden.

We Can Be Real With Each Other
This language is all about no barriers. I can say what I think, I can be totally and completely honestly me - faults, flaws, and all. I can be vulnerable and raw with you. And you with me. We trust each other because we don't hide what we think, we don't hide from what we don't want to see, we just simply are who we are. Unflinching. I don't scare you. And you don't scare me.

And better yet, what about this one:

You know me, the real me, the raw me, the totally messed up me - and not only do you not run away screaming, you actually stick around because you want to. This one is pretty much self explanatory. And I think it's the one love language that we all respond to. Unconditional acceptance. I don't think it even matters - gifts, words, actions, time, affection... it's all nothing if you can't accept me in the raw... me in the real... me at my core... What if I could be that for everyone I know... what if you could?

More great stuff on my new website: Hey It's Me

Four Kinds Of People

A while back I was thinking about ... I dunno ... stuff. And it occured to me that there are four kinds of people in the world.

1. Rule Makers
   Basically, a rule maker likes to tell other people what to do, and does best when surrounded by rule followers. Rule makers are pretty easy to spot. I'm sure you know at least one or two.
2. Rule Followers
   The world is full of rule followers. And it's a good thing that most people are willing to follow most of the rules - otherwise there would be chaos, and life would be a lot more scary than it already is.
3. Rule Breakers and Benders
   Not all rule breakers are criminals and bad guys. Many of them are freedom fighters and activists. Think about it - women's rights? civil rights? gay rights? Rule breaking at it's best!
4. Rules? Really? I didn't know there were rules.
   You gotta love these guys! Innovators.... fools... dreamers... idiots... geniuses... They fly kites during thunderstorms... Do you think it's true that what you don't know can't hurt you?

It also occured to me we have, inside ourselves, each of these four qualities. Sometimes there's a healthy balance and sometimes not so much. So where do you stand? Who has the upper hand in your life? Is it time to let the dreamer out? Do you need to activate your inner rule breaker? Maybe it's high time you made some rules and actually followed them? What's your personal balance point? Who carries the most weight for you? And how is that different from what kills your soul or eats you alive?

Good questions, huh?

Places Everyone Goes

Ok, I'm pretty sure none of us have been to Venus, Uranus, or Mars... despite these lovely travel posters - it's not as easy to get there as they would have you believe. I do however have a list of places that are easy to get to and I'm betting that you've been to every single one of them at least once in your life! Don't believe me? Read on... 

• I have been in many places, but I've rarely been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
•  I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
•  I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I live close so it's a short drive.
• I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
• I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
• I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
• And while I'd like to be in Fallible, I find myself in Ept and in Adequate more often than not.
• I do, however, get quite a lot of work done when I am in Dustrious.
• Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
• One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
• And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not.
• People keep telling me I'm in Denial but I'm positive I've never been there before!
• I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there. I actually kind of enjoy it there.
• So far, I haven't been in Continent; but my travel agent says I'll be going soon.

Ok. I better stop now before I find myself in Tolerable!

45 Tips for A Good Life

Here's something kind of mushy and sentimental - but still, it's nice. The piece was written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument... Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone..
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Thirty Questions

On the surface this seems like one of those benign things that float through my inbox periodically... on closer examination - I wonder... what with identity theft and passwords and all that stuff, are you sure that you want people to actually KNOW some of these things?

1. Any nickname?
2. Mother's maiden name?
3. Favorite drink?
4. Tattoo? 
5. Body Piercing?
6. How much do you love your job?
7. Birthplace?
8. Favorite vacation spot?
9. First Elementary school? 
10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner?
11. Ever been on TV? 
12. Ever steal any traffic sign?
13. Ever been in a car accident?
14. What was your first car?
15. Favorite salad dressing? 
16. Favorite pet?
17. Favorite number?
18. Favorite movie?
19. Favorite holiday? 
20. Favorite dessert?
21. Favorite food?
22. Favorite day of the week?
23. Favorite brand of body wash?
24. Favorite toothpaste?
25. Favorite smell?
26. What do you do to relax?
27. How do you see yourself in 10 years?
28. Farthest place you will send this message? 
29. Who will respond to this the fastest?
30. Who's dumb enough to answer all these questions truthfully and then send them on to complete strangers so they can hack into all their personal information?

How To Fail

Ok, so I stole the picture for my last post from an actual book called The Ten Rules of Highly Unsuccessful People. In all fairness, I thought I should post his rules. They are as follows:

1. Learning Anything New
   
2. Don't Share What you Know with Others
3. Be a Jerk!
4. Always Look Out for Number One
5. It's All About the Money
6. Promise Things you Have No Intention of Doing
7. It's Always Someone Else's Fault
8. Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder
9. Do the Least That's Necessary for Success
10. The Customer is Someone you Have to Put Up With

Ten Sufi Thoughts

1. There is one God, the Eternal, the Only Being; none exists save God.
   
   
2. There is one Master, the Guiding Spirit of all souls, who constantly leads humanity toward the light.
   
   
3. There is one Holy Book, the Sacred Manuscript of Nature, the only scripture which can enlighten the reader.
   
   
4. There is one Religion, the unswerving progress in the right direction toward the ideal, which fulfills the life's purpose of every soul.
   
   
5. There is One Law, the law of reciprocity, which can be observed by a selfless conscience, together with a sense of awakened justice.
   
   
6. There is One Brotherhood, the human brotherhood which unites the children of earth indiscriminately in the Fatherhood of God.
   
   
7. There is One Moral, the love which springs forth from self denial and blooms in deeds of beneficence.
   
   
8. There is One Object of Praise, the beauty which uplifts the heart of its worshippers through all aspects from the seen to the unseen.
   
   
9. There is One Truth, the true knowledge of our being, within and without, which is the essence of all wisdom.
   
   
10. There is One Path, the anihilation of the false ego in the real, which raises the mortal to immortality, in which resides all perfection.

How do you say it?

Just in case you were wondering, here is a cool list of how to say "beer" in a bunch of different languages. This way, if you're out and about, drinking maybe, and nobody seems to understand you, you'll have a number of different languages to fall back on. Cool, huh?

• Afrikaans: Bier
• Czech: Pivo
• Dutch: Bier
• Finnish: Olut
• Filipino: Bir
• French: Bière
• Gaelic: Leann
• German: Bier
• Greek: Bere
• Hawaiian: Bia
• Hungarian: Sor
• Indonesian: Bir
• Irish: Beoir
• Italian: Birra
• Japanese: Biiru
• Polish: Piwo
• Portugese: Cerveja
• Spanish: Cervesa
• Swahili: Pombe
• Swedish: Ol
• Yiddish: Bir

I like the Swahili one: Pombe! Gimme a Pombe! Ya!

More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Beer

Beer, as all alcoholic drinks, is made by fermentation caused by bacteria feeding on the yeast cells, then defecating. This bacterial excrement is called alcohol.

Attila the Hun was suspected of suffocating from a bloody nose after passing out from alcohol at his 'bachelor party'.

It is always helpful to have a law that clearly defines when a person is legally intoxicated. In Kentucky, anyone who has been drinking is considered sober until he or she cannot hold onto the ground.

The term 'toddlers' originated in England. There were impurities in the drinking water that disallowed the water to be used for drinking. A common alternative drink was beer (it was cheep, plentiful and the water used to make it was treated during the initial boiling during brewing). Toddlers, just weaning off of mothers milk were unaccustomed to the effects of beer. This coupled with the fact that they were just learning how to walk really made them toddle.

As we all know, that very first Thanksgiving took place at Plymouth Rock. But the pilgrims were actually planning to make their landing in Virginia. So what took them off course to their final destination? A storm? An accident? Nope! They ran out of beer! It is actually written in one of the pilgrim’s diaries that their food supply was decreasing “especially our beere."

About 4000 years ago, it was the accepted practice in Babylonia that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calender was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know to day as the "Honey moon"

Before invention of the thermometer, brewers used to check the temperature by dipping their thumb, to find whether appropriate for adding Yeast. Too hot, the yeast would die. This is where we get the phrase " The Rule of the Thumb"

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender used to yell at themto mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. From where we get "mind your own P's and Q's".

After consuming a vibrant brew called Aul or Ale, the Vikings would go fearlessly to the battlefield, without their armour, or even their shirts. The "Berserk" means "bear shirt" in norse, and eventually to the meaning of wild battles.

Way down in 1740, the Admiral Veron of the British fleet decided to water down the navy's rum, which naturally, the sailors weren't pleased with. They nicknamed the Admiral Old Grog, after the still stiff grogram coats he used to wear. The term grog soon began to mean the watered down drink itself. When you are drunk on this this grog, you are "groggy", a word still in use.

Long ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim of their beer mugs or ceremic/glass cups. The whistle was used to order services. Thus we get the phrase, "wet your whistle".

Monks brewing beer in the Middle Ages were allowed to drink five quarts of beer a day.

Pails of beer were given to the people who worked in factories, to help fight the “growl” of hunger in their bellies.

Michelob was invented during a brewer’s strike in the 1930s from a recipe tossed together by the untrained workers left behind to run the brewery. It was so bad local taverns tossed their delivered barrels in the gutter until the streets ran with beer. When the strike was over, the brewery didn’t want to lose all that beer, no matter how bad, so they repackaged it and sold it as Michelob.

The most costly beer in the world, at about $52 a bottle and is called “Tutankhamen.” This limited edition beer and is even numbered. The beer is brewed with a recipe that was discovered by archaeologists in Queen Nefertiti’s Temple!

Other not so fun but possibly interesting trivia:

The first consumer protection law ever written was enacted over beer by Duke Wilhelm IV of Bavaria in 1516. It was a purity law limiting the ingredients of beer to barley, hops and water.

Tegestology is what collecting beer mats is called.

The worlds strongest beer is 'Samuel Adams' Triple Bock, which has reached 17% alcohol by volume. To obtain this level, however, they had to use a champagne yeast.

Beer is the second most popular beverage in the world, coming in behind tea.

Pabst Beer is now called Pabst Blue Ribbon beer because it was the first beer to win a blue ribbon at the Chicago World’s Fair in 1893.

To get rid of the foam at the top of beer (the head), stick your fingers in it.

Bavaria still defines beer as a staple food.

To keep your beer glass or mug from sticking to your bar napkin, sprinkle a little salt on the napkin before you set your glass down.

The oldest known written recipe is for beer.

Anheuser-Busch is the largest brewery in the US.

The longest bar in the world is the 684 foot long New Bulldog in Rock Island, IL.

The powers that be at Guinness say that a pint of beer is lifted about ten times, and each time about 0.56 ml is lost in a beer drinker’s facial hair. That’s a lot of wasted beer!

As of 2001, 62% of Americans reported using a designated driver at least once.

Molson, Inc. is the oldest brewery in North America.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) was elected in 1932 because of his promise to end Prohibition.

The first United States Marine Recruiting Station was in a bar.

The first brewery in America was built in Hoboken, NJ in 1642.

In 1935 the canned beer industry was revolutionized by a vinyl plastic liner developed for cans made out of tin.

The movie The Shawshank Redemption got their period beer containers wrong. The prisoners on the roof drank beer out of bottles in the 1930s, beer wasn't canned until many years later.

Tossing salted peanuts in a glass of beer makes the peanuts dance.

In Japan, beer is sold in vending machines, by street vendors and in the train stations.

Bourbon is the official alcohol of the United States, by an act of Congress. Many people have attempted to have that overturned in favor of beer instead throughout the years.

Many actors started out as bartenders: Sandra Bullock, Bruce Willis, Tom Arnold, Chevy Chase, Kris Kristofferson and Bill Cosby are a few of these.

American beer is made mostly by rice, unlike the beers of other countries. This was invented to give American beer a lighter taste and tap into the market of women buyers.

Beer is a source of B- complex vitamins.

Cenosillicaphobia is listed as the “fear of an empty glass.”

If you collect beer bottles you are a labeorphilist.

Have you ever noticed that once in a while, the rim of a beer glass has a white line around it? That line actually has a name, the Plimsoll Line. It was named after Samuel Plimsoll, the man who was known for creating a method to mark the depth of ship hulls. It is actually law in England that the bartender must fill your beer/ale up to that line with the head of the beer rising above it. So the next time you get a glass with the white line, tell them to “Fill ’er up to the Plimsoll!”

The portable beer cooler was invented in Australia in the 1950s.

In the mid 70's, Australians were the 3rd biggest beer drinker in the world. (behind Germany and Belgium). In the late 90's, they didn't even get into the top ten!

Reno, Nevada has the highest rate of alcoholism in the U.S., Provo, Utah, the lowest. Now there's a big surprise all round!

The ‘33’ on a bottle of Rolling Rock was originally a printer’s error. It refers to the 33 words in the original slogan. It has generated enough mystery over the years that the company left it in the label.

And last but not least:

The best beer in the world is the one in my hand.

The Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition

The Ferengi believe that the universe is held together by the Great Material Continuum, also known as the Great River. They believe that each part of the universe has too much of one thing, but not enough of another, and it is through the continual flow of the Great River that wants and needs can be fulfilled, if one navigates the River with sufficient entrepreneurial skill. Like most of their culture, their religion is also based on the principles of capitalism: they offer prayers and monetary offerings to a "Blessed Exchequer" in hopes of entering the "Divine Treasury" upon death, and fear an afterlife spent in the "Vault of Eternal Destitution".


And so here we have: The Complete Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition

1. Once you have their money, never give it back
2. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to
4. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough
5. If you can't break a contract, bend it
6. Never let family stand in the way of opportunity
7. Always keep you ears open
8. Keep count of your change
9. Instinct plus opportunity equals profit
10. A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one
11. Latinum isn't the only thing that shines
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money
14. Anything stolen is pure profit
15. Acting stupid is often smart
16. A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along
17. A bargain usually isn't
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all
19. Don't lie too soon after a promotion
20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat
21. Never place friend ship before profit
22. Wise men can hear profit in the wind
23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest
24. Never ask when you can take
25. Fear makes a good business partner
26. The vast Majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it
27. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down
28. Morality is always defined by those in power
29. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying
30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother
32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss
34. Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore
35. Peace is good for business
36. War is good for business
37. You can always buy back a lost reputation
38. Free advertising is cheap
39. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers
40. If you see profit on a journey, take it
41. Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention
42. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit
43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon
44. Never argue with a loaded phaser
45. Profit has limits. Loss has none
46. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person
47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than you own
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife
49. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent
50. Never bluff a Klingon
51. Never admit a mistake if there's someone else to blame
52. Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas
53. Sell first; ask questions later
54. Never buy anything you can't sell
55. Always sell at the highest possible profit
56. Pursue profit; women come later
57. Good customers are almost as rare as Latinum - treasure them
58. Friendship is seldom cheap
59. Fee advice is never cheap
60. Never use Latinum where your words will do
61. Never buy what can be stolen
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit
63. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine
64. Don't talk shop; talk shopping
65. Don't talk ship; talk shipping
66. Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it
67. Enough is never enough
68. Compassion is no substitute for a profit
69. You could afford your ship without your government - if it weren't for your government
70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
71. Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum
72. Never let the competition know, what you're thinking
73. Never trust advice from a dying Ferengi; listen but don't trust
74. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum
76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies
77. Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there is profit
78. There is a customer born every minute
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge
80. If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn't work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique
81. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman
82. A smart customer is not a good customer
83. Revenge is profitless
84. She can touch your ears but never your Latinum
85. Death takes no bribes
86. A wife is a luxury, a smart accountant a necessity
87. Trust is the biggest liability of all
88. When the boss comes to dinner, it never hurts to have the wife wear something
89. Latinum lasts longer than lust
90. Mine is better than ours
91. He who drinks fast pays slow
92. Never confuse wisdom with luck
93. He's a fool who makes his doctor his heir
94. Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship
95. Important, more impotant, Latinum
96. Faith moves mountains - of inventory
97. If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don't tell it to a friend
98. Profit is the better part of valor
99. Never trust a wise man
100. Everything that has no owner, needs one
101. Never do something you can make someone do for you
102. Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever
103. Sleep can interfere with opportunity
104. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost
105. Wise men don't lie, they just bend the truth
106. There is no honor in poverty
107. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian Beetle Snuff
108. A woman wearing clothes is like a man without profit
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack
110. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity
111. Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them
112. Never sleep with the boss's wife unless you pay him first
113. Never sleep with the boss's sister
114. Small print lead to large risk
115. Greed is eternal
116. There's always a way out
117. If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is
118. Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price
119. Buy, sell, or get out of the way
120. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship
122. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer
123. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer
124. Friendship is temporary, profit is forever
125. A lie isn't a lie until someone else knows the truth
126. A lie isn't a lie, it's just the truth seen from a different point of view
127. Gratitude can bring on generosity
128. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races
129. Never trust your customers
130. Never trust a beneficiary
131. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother
132. The flimsier the produce, the higher the price
133. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet ... sometimes good things come in small packages
134. There's always a catch
135. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it
136. The sharp knife cuts quickly. Act without delay!
137. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father
138. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder
139. Wives serve; brothers inherit
140. The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more
141. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fait play and financial loss go hand-in-hand
142. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves
143. The family of Fools is ancient
144. There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket
145. Always ask for the costs first
146. If possible sell neither the sizzle nor the steak, but the Elphasian wheat germ
147. New customers are like razor toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back
148. Opportunity waits for no one Females and finances don't mix
149. Make your shop easy to find
150. Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much
151. Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits
152. You can't free a fish from water
153. The difference between manure and Latinum is commerece
154. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too
155. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit
156. You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look
157. Don't pay until you have the goods
158. The customer is always right ... until you have their cash
159. Respect is good, Latinum is better
160. Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life
161. His money is only your's when he can't get it back
162. A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn't
163. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's
164. Never allow one's culture's law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit
165. Never give away for free what can be sold
166. If a deal is fairly and lawfully made, then seeking revenge especially unprofitable revenge, is illegal
167. Beware of relatives bearing gifts
168. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable
169. Never gamble with an empath
170. Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum
171. If you can sell it, don't hsitate to steal it
172. A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer's pocket
173. Share and perish
174. When everything fails - run
175. Ferengi's don't give promotional gifts!
176. Know your enemies ... but do business with them always
177. The world is a stage - don't forget to demand admission
178. Whenever you think that things can't get worse, the FCA will be knocking on you door
179. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do
180. Even dishonesty can't tarnish the glow of Latinum
181. Whenever you're being asked if you are god, the right answer is YES
182. Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine
183. There are three things you must not talk to aliens: sex, religion and taxes
184. If you want to ruin yourself there are three known ways: Gambling is the fastest, women are the sweetest, and banks are the most reliable way
185. There are two things that will catch up with you for sure: death and taxes
186. If your dancing partner wants to lead at all costs, let her have her own way and ask another one to dance
187. Never bet on a race you haven't fixed
188. Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing
189. Drive your business or it will drive you
190. Let other keep their reputation. You keep their money
191. If the flushing isn't strong enough, use your brain and try the brush
192. Klingon women don't dance tango
193. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door
194. Wounds heal, but debt is forever
195. Only give money to people you know you can steal from
196. Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives
197. Employees are the rungs on your ladder to success - don't hesitate to step on them
198. The secret of one person is another person's opportunity
199. A madman with Latinum means profit without return
200. The justification for profit is profit
201. a) A friend in need is a customer in the making
     b) A friend in need means three times the profit
202. A Ferengi in need, will never do anything for free
203. When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it's time to leave town until he's gone
204. When the customer dies, the money stops a-comin'
205. Fighting with Klingons is like gambling with Cardassians - it's good to have a friend around when you lose
206. Never trust a hardworking employee
207. Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer
208. Tell them what they want to hear
209. A wife, who is able to clean, saves the cleaning lady
210. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator
211. If they accept your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much
212. Stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides
213. Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach
214. Instinct without opportunity is useless
215. Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself
216. Only pay for it, if you are confronted with loaded phaser
217. Always know what you're buying
218. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount
219. Profit is like a bed of roses - a few thorns are inevitable
220. Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes
221. Knowledge is Latinum
222. Rich men don't come to buy; they come to take
223. Never throw anything away: It may be worth a lot of Latinum some Stardate
224. Pride comes before a loss
225. Don't take your family for granted, only their Latinum
226. Loyalty can be bought ... and sold
227. All things come to those who wait, even Latinum
228. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox
229. Manipulation may be a Ferengi's greatest tool, and liability
230. If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty
231. Life's no fair (How else would you turn a profit?)
232. Every dark cloud has a Latinum lining
233. Never deal with beggars; it's bad for profits
234. Don't trust anyone who trusts you
235. You can't buy fate
236. There's a sucker born every minute. Be sure you're the first to find each one
237. The truth will cost
238. Ambition knows no family
239. The higher you bid, the more customers you drive away
240. Never underestimate the inportance of the fist impression
241. More is good, all is better
242. If you got something nice to say, then SHOUT
243. If you can't sell it, sit on it, but never give it away
244. A warranty is valid only if they can find you
245. He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them
246. Never question luck
247. Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised
248. Respect other culture's beliefs; they'll be more likely to give you money
249. A dead vendor doesn't demand money
250. Satisfaction is not guaranteed
251. Let the buyer beware
252. A contract without fine print is a fool's document
253. Anyone who can't tell a fake doesn't deserve the real thing
254. A warranty without loop-holes is a liability
255. Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse
256. Only fools negotiate with their own money
257. A Ferengi is only as important as the amount of Latinum he carries in his pockets
258. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know
259. Gambling is like the way to power: The only way to win is to cheat, but don't get caught in the process
260. A wealthy man can afford everything except a conscience
261. No lobes, no profit
262. Never let a female in clothes cloud your sense of profit
263. It's not the size of your planet, but it's income, that matters
264. The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend - choose wisely
265. A pair of good ears will ring dry a hundred tongues
266. Wish not so much to live Long, as to live well
267. a) When in doubt, lie
     b) When in doubt, buy
     c) When in doubt, demand more money
     d) When in doubt, shoot them, take their money, run and blame someone else
268. Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value
269. It's better to have gambled and lost than to never have gambled at all
270. There's many witty men whose brains can't line their pockets
271. The way to a Ferengi's heart is through his wallet
272. Always count their Latinum before selling anything
273. There is no profit in love; however, a strong heart is worth a few bars of Latinum on the open market. Keep it on ice
274. Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it
275. If at first you don't succeed, try to acquire again
276. Diamonds may be girl's best friend, but you can only buy the girl with Latinum
277. It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit
278. Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes
279. An empty bag can not stand upright
280. Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell
281. Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner
282. Rules are always subject to change
283. Rules are always subject to interpretation
284. No good deed ever goes unpunished
285. When Morn leaves it is all over

The Long List of the Ents

This is an old list of a living things that ents learned when they were young. Treebeard recited this when he met Merry and Pippin, trying to figure out where hobbits were in the list. When he bid goodbye to them at the fall of Isengard, he had added them in.

Learn now the lore of Living Creatures!
First name the four, the free peoples:
Elders of all, the elf-children;
Dwarf the delver, dark are his houses;
Ents the earthborn, old as mountains;
Man the mortal, master of horses...

And this post has been moved to my personal blog on my new website, shirleytwofeathers.com and can be found in all its glory here: The Long List of the Ents

Games for when we are older

In honor of my birthday, I thought I'd post this list of games for when we are older.

1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

How To Stay Young

1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them.”


2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.


3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.


4. Enjoy the simple things.


5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.


6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.


7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.


8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.


9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county or to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.


10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity!


11. Be ALIVE while you are alive,and last but not least!


12. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. So! Who do you love most?? Do a quick check!! Who would want to spend their whole life with someone they didn't love??? Now THINK about that one!!

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

• Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


• We all need to live life to its fullest each day.

Emotions - A to Z

No aspect of our mental life is more important to the quality and meaning of our existence than emotions. They are what make life worth living, or sometimes ending.

What about you? Which emotions are you currently experiencing? Which emotions do you wish you could experience more often? Not sure what you're feeling in this moment? Here's a list to help you figure it out:

1. Acceptance,
2. Agitation,
3. Alarm,
4. Amusement,
5. Anger,
6. Annoyance,
7. Anticipation,
8. Apprehension,
9. Apathy,
10. Arrogance,
11. Anxious
12. Bitterness,
13. Boredom
14. Calmness,
15. Cautiousness,
16. Comfort,
17. Contentment,
18. Confidence,
19. Courage
20. Depression,
21. Determination,
22. Disappointment,
23. Discontentment,
24. Disgust,
25. Desire,
26. Delight
27. Euphoria,
28. Embarrassment,
29. Envy,
30. Ecstasy
31. Fear,
32. Friendly,
33. Frustration
34. Glad,
35. Gratitude,
36. Grief,
37. Guilt
38. Hate,
39. Happiness,
40. Homesick,
41. Hope,
42. Horror,
43. Humility
44. Impatient,
45. Inadequate,
46. Irritability
47. Joy,
48. Jealous
49. Kindness
50. Loneliness,
51. Love,
52. Lust
53. Melancholy
54. Nervous,
55. Negativity
56. Pain,
57. Paranoia,
58. Patience,
59. Peace,
60. Phobia,
61. Pity,
62. Pride
63. Rage,
64. Regret,
65. Remorse,
66. Resentment
67. Sad,
68. Self-pity,
69. Shame,
70. Shy,
71. Sorrow,
72. Shock,
73. Suffering,
74. Surprise,
75. Suspense
76. Thrill,
77. Torment
78. Unhappiness
79. Vulnerable
80. Worry
81. Yearning

Little Golden Books That Never Made It

It's hard to get a book published these days... here's a list of Little Golden Books that never made it... I wonder why!

• You Are Different and That’s Bad
• Dad’s New Wife Steve
• Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
• The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
• Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
• All Cats Go to Hell
• The Little Sissy Who Snitched
• Some Kittens Can Fly
• Strangers Have the Best Candy
• Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
• The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Veggies
• Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
• Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

111 Insults

It's a definitive list. No excuse now for not coming up with a really good jab when someone pisses you off.

1. If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
2. Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
3. I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
4. He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t.
5. He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
6. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
7. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.
8. Are your parents siblings?
9. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
10. Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
11. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

More cool stuff can be found at my new website: Hey It's Me

1. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
2. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?
3. Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
4. Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
5. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
6. Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?
7. Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
8. Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It’ll only take 10 seconds.
9. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
10. He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!
11. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
12. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
13. He’s not stupid; he’s possessed by a retarded ghost.
14. Here’s 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
15. Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?
16. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
17. I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.
18. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.
19. I bet your mother has a loud bark!
20. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
21. I don’t consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
22. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
23. I don’t think you are a fool. But then what’s MY opinion against thousands of others?
24. I hear the only place you’re ever invited is outside.
25. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
26. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
27. I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
28. I know you are nobody’s fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
29. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
30. I would ask you how old you are but I know you can’t count that high.
31. I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
32. I’d like to leave you with one thought…but I’m not sure you have anywhere to put it!
33. I’d love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
34. I’ll never forget the first time we met - although I’ll keep trying.
35. I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
36. I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
37. If I ever need a brain transplant, I’d choose yours because I’d want a brain that had never been used.
38. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
39. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!
40. If what you don’t know can’t hurt you, she’s invulnerable.
41. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
42. If your brain was chocolate it wouldn’t fill an M&M.
43. Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.
44. Learn from your parents’ mistakes - use birth control!
45. Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
46. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
47. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn’t.
48. If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
49. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
50. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck.
51. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair.
52. I hear you pick your friends — to pieces!!
53. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.
54. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
55. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that’s all they’re good for.
56. People can’t say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
57. You must have a low opinion of people if you think they’re your equals.
58. wish you were all here. I don’t like to think there is more!
59. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!
60. Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get.
61. I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
62. Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
63. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
64. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
65. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
66. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
67. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
68. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
69. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
70. I’m very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
71. I don’t hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
72. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
73. I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I’ll think so.
74. Man alive! But I wish you weren’t.
75. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
76. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
77. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.
78. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn’t like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
79. We know that romance brings out the beast in you — the jackass.
80. I’m looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven’t had it yet.
81. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
82. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that’s the only way they could.
83. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
84. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I’ll arrange it with the undertaker.
85. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.
86. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
87. We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
88. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, “Gentlemen.” Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
89. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
90. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.
91. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don’t you send them a penny and square the account?
92. I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.
93. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.
94. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
95. Sit down and give your mind a rest.
96. There is no vaccine against stupidity.
97. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.
98. Don't get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can’t take the credit.
99. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
100. I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!

Everything I Know About Life I Learned From My Cock

• When you’re up, everyone needs to hear about it
• Don’t let anyone tell you where you can and can’t pee
• Fuck everything
• Every once in a while, you may have to eat some shit
• Don’t get near any other cocks, and don’t let them get near you
• It doesn’t matter how big you are, just how loud you are
• Know the pecking order
• They want you, they all want you, you know they want you
• Just because nobody’s listening, it’s no reason to shut up
• The only thing you have to know about sex is “yes”
• Subtlety gets you nowhere
• Brains are overrated
• Everywhere you look, there’s something edible

The Ten Commandments of Endurance

From Marshall Ulrich, one of the greatest extreme athletes in the world, we have the Ten Commandments of Endurance

• Expect a journey and a battle
• Focus on the present and set intermediate goals
• Don't dwell on the negative
• Transcend the physical
• Accept your fate
• Have confidence that you will succeed
• Know that there will be an end
• Suffering is okay
• Be kind to yourself
• Quitting is not an option

Twenty Questions

I get these silly things via email all the time, and today I decided to push this one off you you guys. Write your answers on a piece of paper. And don't cheat. The answers are at the bottom of the post. Are you young at heart? Or old before your time?

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The buttmaster
C. Spaghetti
D. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
F. Milk
G. Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...
A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E. Fabian
F. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and...
A. It's you
B. He is us
C. It's the Grinch
D. He wasn't home
E. He's really mean
F. We quit
G. He surrendered

4. Good night, David.
A. Good night, Chet
B. Sleep well
C. Good Night, Irene
D. Good Night, Gracie
E. See you later, alligator
F. Until tomorrow
G. Good night, Steve

5. You'll wonder where the yellow went,
A. When you use Tide
B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your tub
D. If you paint the room blue
E. If you buy a soft water tank
F. When you use Lady Clairol
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend,
A. Stuart Whitman
B. Randolph Scott
C. Steve Reeves
D. Maynard G. Krebbs
E. Corky B. Dork
F. Dave the Whale
G. Zippy Zoo

7. Liar, liar...
A. You're a liar
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher
F. On the wire
G. I'm telling Mom

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and...
A. Wheaties
B. Lois Lane
C. TV ratin gs
D. World peace
E. Red tights
F. The American way
G. News headlines

9 . Hey, kids, what time is it?
A. It's time for Yogi Bear
B. It's time to do your homework
C. It's Howdy Doody Time
D. It's Time for Romper Room
E. It's bedtime
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour
G. Scoopy Doo Time

10. Lions and tigers and bears...
A. Yikes
B. Oh no
C. Gee whiz
D. I'm scared
E. Oh My
F. Help Help
H. Let's run

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone
A. Over 40
B. Wearing a uniform
C. Carrying a briefcase
D. Over 30
E. You don't know
F. Who says, 'Trust me'
G. Who eats tofu

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings.
A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Stauback
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway

13. Brylcream...
A. Smear it on
B. You'll smell great
C. Tame that cowlick
D. Greaseball heaven
E. It's a dream
F. We're your team
G. A little dab'll do ya

14. I found my thrill...
A. In Blueberry muffins
B. With my man, Bill
C. Down at the mill
D. Over the windowsill
E. With thyme and dill
F. Too late to enjoy
G. On Blueberry Hill

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by
A. Clark Gable
B. Mary Martin
C. Doris Day
D. Errol Flynn
E. Sally Fields
F. Jim Carey
G. Jay Leno

16. Name the Beatles
A. John, Steve, George , Ringo
B. John, Paul, George , Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George , Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George , Ringo
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George , Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, wonder, who
A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?

18. I'm strong to the finish
A. Cause I eats my broccoli
B. Cause I eats me spinach
C. Cause I lift weights
D. Cause I'm the hero
E. And don't you forget it
f. Cause Olive Oyl loves me
g. To outlast Bruto

19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today...
a. Smile, you're on Candid Camera
b. Smile, you're on Star Search
c. Smile, you won the lottery
d. Smile, we're watching you
e. Smil e, the world sees you
f. Smile, you're a hit
g. Smile, you're on TV

20. What do M & M's do?
a. Make your tummy happy
b. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket
c. Make you fat
d. Melt your heart
e. Make you popular
f. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
g. Come in colors

Okay, now scroll down for the answers!



Here are the right answers.

1 - D -Wonder Bread
2 - G -Cassius Clay
3 - B -He Is Us
4 - A -Good night, Chet
5 - G -When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6 - D -Maynard G. Krebbs
7 - C -Pants On Fire
8 - F -The American Way
9 - C -It's Howdy Doody Time
10 - E -Oh My
11 - D -Over 30
12 - C -Joe Namath
13 - G -A little dab'll do ya
14 - G -On Blueberry Hill
15 - B -Mary Martin
16 - G -John, Paul, George , Ringo
17 - D -Who wrote the book of Love
18 - B -Cause I eats me spinach
19 - A -Smile, you're on Candid Camera
20 - F -Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand

Well, how did you do?
If you are over 60, you probably did pretty well.
If you are under 30, you probably sucked big time.

If you're over 50 and you failed miserably - congratulations! You're young at heart!
If you're under 40 and you got most of them right - so sorry! You're old before your time.

Curious Facts about Roadrunners

• Roadrunners are quick enough to catch and eat rattlesnakes.
• Roadrunners prefer walking or running and attain speeds up to 17 miles per hour.
• The Roadrunner is also called the Chaparral Cock.
• The Roadrunner reabsorbs water from its feces before excretion.
• The Roadrunner’s nasal gland eliminates excess salt, instead of using the urinary tract like most birds.
• The Roadrunner is the state bird of New Mexico.

Vital Statistics:

• Weight: 8-24 oz.
• Length: 20-24 inches
• Height: 10-12"
• Sexual Maturity: 2-3 yrs.
• Mating Season: Spring
• Incubation: 18-20 days
• No. of Eggs: 2-12
• Birth Interval: 1 year
• Lifespan: 7 to 8 years
• Typical diet: insects, lizards, snakes
  
  source: The Roadrunner (DesertUSA)