Walking In The Dark

There is, therefore, a more perfect intellectual life in the angels. In them the intellect does not proceed to self-knowledge from anything exterior, but knows itself through itself.

~St. Thomas Aquinas

I found this quote today when I was adding to Way Cool Quotes. It really struck me because that's exactly what I've been mulling over recently. What I've been thinking about is how much I rely on what other people think, say, and do versus how little I rely on what I think about what I say and do. I'm constantly running to my friends, to books, to websites, etc. etc trying to figure out what to do... it's like I don't even know what I think until I know what every one else thinks.

What does it mean to know yourself through yourself? Am I afraid to trudge through those well worn pathways of gloom and defeat? Is that what I think I'll find if I explore my inner self? Do I just not see a single glimmer of light when I look inside? Am I struggling to find validation, acceptance, and love on the outer because I know that it will not or can not come from the inner? And what would it take to light that inner lamp, and give myself my own validation, acceptance, and love? How can I find that moment of nonjudgment and unconditional grace when I know all my faults and failures so intimately and hold them so close to my heart?

There is a quote from Dante's Inferno - how does it go.... something about a dark wood... (here it is) And that's where I find myself this morning, endarkened... What about you? Where do you find yourself today?