Monday, February 6, 2012

My Unitarian Jihad Name!!

Inspired by Jon Carroll's column in the Chronicle, and after reasoned and lengthy discussion, the committee reached a consensus that you should be called:


The Machine Gun of Mild Reason.


Secret To Immortality

If you are what you eat - and you want to live forever - then eat McDonalds hamburgers. They never decompose!


This video shows a true story about a guy who's been saving hamburgers, cheeseburgers, and Big Macs from McDonalds for over 18 years... and they look EXACTLY the same! Check it out - they haven’t decomposed in over two decades!

Visit Bionic Burger or The Best Day Ever for more information. And if you don't believe it, here's another video:


Sally Davies, a New York-based photographer took a fresh McDonald's Happy Meal On 10 April, 2010 to see if what she had read online about a school teacher with a 12-year-old McDonald's burger could possibly be true.

She's been photographing it regularly ever since. After 6 Months there was very little sign of decay.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

A Video History of the Ninja

The original videos I had embedded are no longer available on YouTube, so I found these two. Not sure how much alike they are, but two is better than one... I think?

 

How To Spot A Ninja

Ninjas are masters at the art of being invisible. Here's a perfect example:

 
Above is an artist's depiction of a fruit bowl. It was only when he looked at his finished painting that he realized a ninja was hiding in front of him the whole time.

 
If you're trying to find a ninja, (make sure you have a written will and you've said goodbye to everybody you love, unless you can bribe a ninja or beg him to be your slave) these are the places they're most commonly found. How do I know? Well let's just say I've lost a lot of interns.
  • Behind you
  • In front of you
  • Near you
  • Around you
  • Under you
  • Inside you
  • On top of you
  • Diagonally horizontal to the left of your adjacent position
  • Between you
  • In the shadows of you and your loved ones
  • The tree in your backyard
  • In small villages
  • In your refrigerator
  • Adjacent to your car keys
  • Wherever Pirates happen to be
  • In napalm manufacturing plants
  • In the walls
The following picture of a room full of ninjas is a great example of ninja invisibility skills:


Can't see them? Need a hint?
  • one is hiding behind the wallpaper.
  • four are hiding behind the desks.
  • one hypnotized you to not see him.
  • three are hiding behind the camera.
  • one is dressed as a teacher who is also a ninja so you can't find her.
  • at least six are hanging outside the window
Source: The Uncyclopedia Ninja Wiki

What is a Ninja?

Whoops, were you looking for a ninja?
If so, HE'S BEHIND YOU, YOU IDIO- ahh, damn.
Too late again.


Ninja (zool. cut-throatius ninjutsu-useis head-rippus-offis assassinus Japanensis) (pl. ninji) is the common Japanese term for a group of intentionally badass martial artists with a complete dominion over all things totally sweet who specialize in killing people, flying, and burger/pizza/magazine delivery, which they do 24/7, and have also been known to mysteriously show up several hours before the burger/pizza/magazine was even ordered, with your condiments. The physical possibility of this is proven by the Uncertainty Principle.

Although ninji are most commonly thought of as being Japanese, it is a little known but true fact that over half of all ninji are from the southwest Detroit area. We know most about ninji from the autobiography of Sebastian Taylor, which appeared on the shelves of every library in the Australian city of Adelaide spontaneously in 1972, then proceeding to perform martial arts performances. The books soon joined the Cirque Du Soleil, but left the troop after several mysterious and spontaneous deaths in the audience. The books were never officially charged.

Ninji are also known for their leet skills, their knowledge of quilting history, their total disrespect for authority, their ability to fly, their ability to totally FLIP OUT and cut off people's heads, and the ability to retract their testicles for defensive purposes, even when they aren't cold, all displayed and explained in their book "1337 ways to annihilate pirates". However, ninji are not animals (although they may transform into one if they're feeling particularly badass), in that they do provide receipts for assassinations. Of course, due to their temporal skills sometimes they may give the receipt before the assassination; so if you ever find a small black piece of paper in your pocket, then duck!

Real ninji can not be seen. Only pirates, while drunk on rum, can see them. If you can see your killer then obviously he is a masked Assassin, not a ninja. Either that, or you're a rum-intoxicated pirate.

Found at: The Uncyclopedia Ninja Wiki

My New Favorite Movie


I absolutely adore this movie! The special effects are hilarious - it's clever - has a great plot twist - and while the movie absolutely refuses to take itself seriously, it does manage to have depth and layers of meaning.

Here's what Wikipedia says about it:

Norwegian Ninja is a 2010 Norwegian action comedy film, directed by Thomas Cappelen Malling. The film, based on a 2006 book, presents real-life espionage-convicted Arne Treholt as the leader of a ninja group saving Norway during the Cold War and stars Mads Ousdal as Treholt.

The film is loosely based on the story of Norwegian politician and diplomat Arne Treholt, who in 1985 was convicted of high treason and espionage on behalf of the Soviet Union and Iraq. In 2006, Thomas Cappelen Malling wrote the book Ninjateknikk II. Usynlighet i strid 1978 ("Ninja Technique II: Invisibility in combat 1978"). The book was presented as a military manual written by Treholt in 1978. It achieved a certain cult status, and was considered a success at 5,000 units sold.

In December 2008 it was announced that the Norwegian Film Institute would support a film made by Cappelen Malling with NOK 10.5 million, in spite of the fact that the author had no previous experience from the movie industry. The book forms the basis for the film, where an alternative universe-Treholt leads a group of ninjas set up by then - King Olav V to combat the Soviets. The original working title was Nytt norsk håp ("New Norwegian Hope"), and the total budget was NOK 19 million. The producers describe the story as taking place directly before Treholt's arrest in 1984, presenting "the true story of how Commander Arne Treholt and his Ninja Force saved Norway during the Cold War." Cappelen Malling himself describes the film as "alternative history", but only in the sense that all history is alternative. Treholt himself has allegedly given his consent to both the book and the movie.

The absurd premise of the film secured a great deal of media attention for it ahead of its release. Aftenposten, in January 2010, predicted it would be one of the most absurd works of Norwegian cinema. Verdens Gang quoted producer Eric Vogel, saying "Something like this has never been made in Norway before. Or in the world, as far as I know!" They also interviewed Mads Ousdal, who portrayed Treholt in the film, describing the role as very different from anything he had done previously. Comedian Trond Viggo Torgersen played the part of King Olav V.

Although the movie was not a big box-office success, it did receive some very good reviews. J.S. Marcus of Wall Street Journal: "Hilarious and menacing, absurd and insightful, and an accomplished work of genre film making that authoritatively upends the cold-war spy thriller."

Find it on Amazon: Norwegian Ninja

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