Doing God's Will

I'm having an idea... and instead of jumping right in and just doing it, I'm talking about it first.. as usual. The idea revolves around "doing God's will" which has been an ongoing theme in my life for as long as I can remember. I resist it, I crave it, I avoid it, I fight it, I beg for it. Sometimes I call it "following my guidance" - that's usually when it's something I really DO want, sometimes I call it "God is trying to kill me" - and that's usually when it's something I really DON'T want. We, (me and God) have been fighting over this issue ever since I was five years old and my parents obeyed God and sent me away to boarding school.

So... it's a touchy issue for me, fraught with danger and abandonment issues, expectations and angst, pitfalls, demons, angels, and unexpected blessings. It's NOT like the box of chocolates where you never know what you're going to get, it's more like the box of chocolates some of which are yummy and good, and others:

• "Oh my God - there's a worm in this one."
• "That's not a nut - it's a rock - call the dentist!"
• "This one looks good - well, crap, it's made of rubber."
• ... and one ...
• "Is it this one?" is an atom bomb hidden in a tiny chocolate package...
• "Kaboom" annihilation!

I've danced around this subject for years. Intellectually, I know that "God's Will" is probably a good thing. (Notice the "probably"?) And intellectually, I know that my life as a human woman will contain it's fair share of unpleasant surprises - and it's not because "God is trying to kill me." I also think that if I was "following God's will" there would be a sort of peace about it. That I would be able to navigate troubled waters with more serenity and less angst... and at the very least, when the shit hit the fan, I'd be able to chalk it up to a higher purpose and move through the crap with some small feeling of grace and support. And at the very most, it's "Kaboom" annihilation and oneness.

Where am I going with this? Yesterday I read the book, "Sweat Your Prayers" by Gabrielle Roth. She talks about dance as a spiritual practice. It sounds really good the way she presents it, and I almost felt like getting up and dancing as I was reading, and since I was at work I had a really good excuse for not doing just that. One of the things she said had a huge impact on me, and started me thinking about doing something every day that could very easily have a profound impact on my issues with "God's Will."

Here's what she said:

"The Wave is a spiritual practice, so start off with a prayer. My favorite is: "God is truly amazing. God is within me and I am within God." Then offer each of your body parts to the dance. Offer your shoulders to the dance, "Take my shoulders, use my shoulders, free my shoulders, they are yours," and then let your shoulders guide the rest of youf body in a dance. Do this with elbows, hands, spine, hips, knees, feet - with every part of you. Give all of yourself to the dance: "Take me. Use me. Move me even deeper within you." Do this until your whole body awakens."

Wow! What a great way to practice "Let go and let God," and get some exercise, and get some life and some movement pumping, and wake up, and be in my body instead of in my head, it kills so many birds with one stone that birds become seriously endangered around here.

So... I'm going to get off my ass, out of my virtual reality and into my body, and I really am going to go and do this right now.