100 Things I Need

Recently I have been working at sorting out what I need vs what I fear vs what I want vs what I already have but don't use. Over at The Prosperity Project, we have just begun working The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, a prosperity experiment that will culminate on Christmas Day, when hopefully all of our wishes will come true. The following list is my "letter to Santa" ... so here goes.

I am pretty sure I need the following:

1. More time.
2. A place for my art to go other than my closet.
3. A job that I actually enjoy.
4. A really good reason to get up in the morning.
5. Help.
6. Family - people around me who love me and care about me.
7. Privacy.
8. Quiet time.
9. More fun.
10. More money to pay my bills.
11. Fewer bills.
12. Windshield wipers that work.
13. To begin to eat only food that is good for me.
14. To go outside more often.
15. My water line heat taped and insulated before it gets really cold.
16. To stop being afraid of spiders, bugs, dirt, and hard work and get under the trailer and take care of that water line.
17. To take better care of my physical self.
18. Way more exercise.
19. Something really interesting to be involved in.
20. Healthy food in my refrigerator.
21. To go to the beach.
22. To stop being afraid of Bank of America.
23. To stop being afraid of getting old.
24. To stop being afraid of what my life will look like when my little dog dies.
25. A good cry.
26. To run screaming naked through my field.
27. Freedom.
28. For my life to have some purpose other than living until I die.
29. An adventure.
30. To roll on the floor laughing until I cry.
31. To feel better in my body.
32. A shower.
33. A new pair of glasses.
34. To go to the dentist.
35. To stop internalizing all my anxiety and fear.
36. To find away to release my inner fox - the one that's eating me alive.
37. A night out under the stars with a fire and friends.
38. To breathe.
39. A hug.
40. A shoulder to cry on.
41. A soft place to land at the end of the day.
42. To get rid of really a lot of junk.
43. Peace within even if there is chaos without.
44. To make friends with my inner dad.
45. To make friends with my inner mom.
46. A spirit of forgiveness and acceptance of my failures and flaws.
47. To feel loved.
48. To feel.
49. A better daily routine.
50. Some discipline.
51. To know that I am OK.
52. To detox my body.
53. And my emotions.
54. Happiness.
55. A community where I belong.
56. To visit my sister.
57. To know that my children will be OK.
58. Love.
59. A massage.
60. To be appreciated.
61. To appreciate myself.
62. To tell my family and friends how much I appreciate them.
63. Someone to help me get my house in order.
64. Not to be so alone all the time.
65. To relax.
66. To find a better balance of mental and physical activity.
67. To climb out of my box.
68. Energy.
69. Enthusiasm.
70. Courage.
71. To listen more and talk less.
72. Acceptance.
73. Money to flow easily to me and from me.
74. To stop whining and complaining.
75. To stop being scared of my bank account.
76. Confidence.
77. To stop sabotaging myself at every turn.
78. To be my own best friend.
79. To be a better best friend to Michelle.
80. To get ready for winter BEFORE it gets here.
81. To stop running and hiding.
82. To smile more often.
83. To cut myself some slack.
84. Fulfillment and satisfaction at the end of the day instead of anxiety and an oppressive sense of guilt.
85. My mind to be still so my heart can breathe.
86. Did I say to go outside? Because I really think I need to be outside way more than I am.
87. To take a chill pill.
88. To do a much better job of cleaning up after myself.
89. Water.
90. Waves.
91. Sand.
92. Salt.
93. Shells.
94. Touch.
95. To really in habit my body - fully and completely.
96. Kindness.
97. To get my car cleaned out so I can take my granddaughter Trick-or-Treating tonight.
98. For this post to be finished really soon.
99. A frosty glass of tea with lemon.
100. To be content with myself and my life even if not one of these needs gets met.

Feedback on my big idea

Here is what my sister had to say about my "Best Idea Yet", which basically consisted of running away from home and becoming a Gypsy Witch.


I have no talent for predicting good ideas versus bad ideas! But I do hear bits and pieces of an underlying theme here - you really want to get away, out, out from under, out into your authentic life...? What about your life right now is inauthentic? Do you really want to sell your property but you are stuck in the idea you can't? Do you really want to move away?

I have been getting so much insight from writing my thoughts down in 'the language of need...' I keep distilling these needs (always asking myself - is it true? etc using The Work), so that I'm clearer and clearer. When I have my clear and true need down, the manifesting starts happening in lightening proportions.

So, in the language of needs, I am wondering what your e-mail says about what you need - but since I'm not you, I'm not that clear about it. I think when you know what you truly need it will be so much easier to proceed toward manifesting it. For instance, if you need to sell your property and move your life along - if you really know that is what you need - then the fear is drained away and your can proceed patiently and the universe can and will make it happen. And in the practical sense, you will know the next step - call a realtor and have it valued - see an attorney and get clear about what you can and can't do -

If you find out that the urge to leave is really the manifestation of your need to get out from under the debt, then you will know you don't want to leave your property and you can make an appointment with an attorney and find out your options.

This is the best I can offer as far as a plan and I think it is brilliant by the way - you really need some solid ground as your launch pad. I don't see how you can go much further without really sitting quietly and touching your own wisdom. You are really and truly very extremely wise, so much wiser than you even know yourself to be. You are even wiser than the Red Jesus and all your friends put together. I know this to be TRUE.

If you were to ask me what I want to know?

What I want to know is what would happen if you got still for an hour - maybe two. Coffee and notepad a pencil, quiet time, quiet mind. I want to know.

If you were to go to the next step, I would be even more enlightened because your insights about yourself are clearing the way for insights about myself. You can write down your judgments about yourself - I am anxious, frightened, angry and confused about blah, blah, blah. I need blah, blah, blah. I never want to experience blah, blah, blah. I should, I shouldn't, blah, blah, blah. I am angry and disappointed with myself because of blah, blah, blah. Don't try to sugar coat it or make it sound more evolved than say a 13-year old...

Then you can know something really amazing and thoroughly true for you by doing the work on what you wrote... I love you and I know WHATEVER you do will be perfect.

Now that's some good advice, and I wonder why I still haven't done it.

My greatest idea yet!

This morning while writing an email to my sister... I had an awesome idea of how to solve my financial problems and my job issues. I decided to post it here because I just might actually do it, and I want to document the day my life potentially turned upside down.

Well, the windshield wiper motor is really expensive... The least it will cost is somewhere in the neighborhood of $100.. the wost case scenario is $300. It all depends on whether the motor itself is broken, or if the wiper mechanism just came off of it. I'll probably have to wait until I have some significant boarding money before I can have it fixed. I lost several hours of pay the day it broke because it was raining really really hard, and I couldn't drive - so my paycheck was short. And I'm looking at a shut off notice from the electric company even as we speak. I can pay the electric bill - but when I do, there will be no money for the car.

Part of the reason I'm coming up broke this month is that Bank of America took $300 out of my checking account for the line of credit. I wasn't expecting them to do that until next month - it's their yearly fee that I pay in order to have the pleasure of being reamed by them for another 12 months. So, the money that I had saved out for the rental car and the trip just disappeared... but I went anyway, and I paid for it by NOT paying a number of bills. I had the expectation of my dog class and my computer class taking up the slack... But both of them got canceled for 2 weeks which put me $240 less than expected.

And Daphne (no surprises here) doesn't have her "rent" money because she lost her job. Did I tell you that her car is now about to crap out? I wonder what they will do.... It's a curious thing...

Talking about this, and thinking about this activates all my fantasies of how to weasel out of it. Like ... selling the property ... and not putting the money in the bank ... and just being a nomad for a while... maybe even a long while... I could buy a van... make it into a Vardo... and be a Gypsy Witch for a while... traveling from place to place... hooking up at state parks... at friend's houses... etc... maybe I could sell snake oil... .... ... I could visit you and we could do art... I could visit Arkansas and dig for crystals... I could visit Michelle and make cool medicine wheel mojos... I could visit my friend Marsha in California and do native american drummings and sell those crystals and the mojos... I could dress like a Gypsy... say to hell with being ordinary and sane ... For money, I could do animal communication and shamanic healing and reiki ... I bet I could sell my art then...

OH MY GOD... THAT SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN!!! I think it might even be my best idea yet! I like it so much that I just might make a plan to accomplish it! The more I think about it the more appealing it is. I could still see Sydney regularly... I could even keep the blogs if I wanted to. Just put up a disclaimer explaining my life style, and then post when I'm at people's houses... and not post when I'm off in no where... I could keep a stash of books, art supplies, and other "important" stuff at Michelle's... Maybe I could keep a stash or a "room" at your house also?

My expenses would be limited to: food, gas, upkeep and maintenance on the vehicle, clothing and misc necessities, dog food and routine animal care, art supplies, cell phone, my yahoo account, cafe press stores, domain names and hosting at godaddy, and camping fees when needed.

I could run away from home and become a gypsy!!!

I want it! I want to do it!
Have I lost my mind?
What do you think?

Here's something else.... I had the van idea on my way back from Oklahoma. I asked the Red Jesus last night to give me some guidance and a good idea of how to navigate my precarious financial situation. Now I'm in the grip of this really cool idea... Do you think it's guidance? Or do you think I'm just nutty? Would you be willing to help me come up with a plan of how to accomplish it? Like... a step by step thing?


They did it!
Why couldn't I?

Now I'm so caught up in the fantasy... and the idea that I can't focus on anything else. So, I'm off to make lists, and plan massive garage sales, and research real estate prices. I've got a lot of stuff to get rid of! And even more to do - if I actually do it, that is. Right now today, it's just a really cool idea... once the cold light of reality blasts down on it, it just might fade and die. I'm curious to see what happens now.

The Hospice Rose

Here's something I've been thinking about. The other day at work, I was fishing around for excuses NOT to be working when I noticed Cindy, one of my coworkers salvaging a vase of roses that had been wilting in the supervisors office for days. She looked so motherly as she fussed over them that I asked her if she was the "Flower Mommy".

We then got into a conversation about what, if anything, could be added to the water to help the roses live longer now that their stems were recut and the vase refreshed with clean water. I offered up an asprin, and dubbed myself the "Flower Nurse".

When she was done, there was one rose left, so pathetic and wilted, it wasn't even allowed back in the vase with the others. Cindy was going to throw it away, but I said... Hey no! I'm the flower nurse. I'll put it in "hospice" on my desk.

The rest of my shift, that sweet rose lay on my desk. I found myself constantly wanting to hold it in my hand. I got really attached to "her", and started thinking about aging and death, and wondering if roses in their "youth" feared or "looked down" on roses past their prime and dropping petals. To me, this one rose had a sweetness that really spoke to me. I didn't think she was "less than" because she was wilted and droopy. She fed me all night. She fed me her scent and her softness.

And it occured to me how important it is to look at myself in the mirror, and breathe in my essence and my experience, to be tender with and cherish the wrinkles, the roundness, and the aging that has occured. I wished that I could find a way to loosen the grip of anxiety and fear and just relax with the petals as they fall. Will I do that? I don't know. I hope so.

I made a sale at Cafe Press!

Someone bought one of my journals at Cafe Press. How cool is that? Here is what it looks like:

This is the background information on the picture:

Shirley Gibson, age 5, with best friend and constant companion, Chit Chat. Macuma Ecuador 1956

This little monkey was traded for medicine, and we instantly fell in love with each other. He rode around on my shoulder almost every moment that I was outside. My mom wouldn’t let me bring him into the house, but he did have a nice little home of his own on our back porch.

This is the info on the journal itself: Best Friends Journal, $12.99

AVAILABILITY: In Stock, will ship in 2 business days
Product Number: 94331918

Product Information
Scribble important stuff - lyrics, recipes, addresses, and more. Our Wire-O bound, 160 page journal is unlined and measures 5" x 8", a handy on-the-go size to fit in your backpack. Go creative and let the muse flow.

Back cover made of thin black flexible textured plastic, measures 16/1000" thick. Front cover made of 12pt glossy paper, coated for scratch resistance. Filled with 60lb bookweight (24 lb bond) blank paper - NO LINES.

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

One of the seldom mentioned keys to the spiritual life is acceptance. Not acceptance of others, but of ourselves. So often we focus on what we want to change, how we want to work on ourselves, lessen our character defects. Implicit in all of this is the unspoken idea that somehow God has made an error and you are deeply flawed exactly as you are.

What if there is no error? What if our flaws are foibles and not fault lines? What if we are acceptable even in the times we have difficulty accepting ourselves? It is the nature of the desert to be a hostile and forbidding place. Yet, within all that, there is a sheer beauty that emerges from the barren landscape. The same hard-won gains come from enduring the desert of the heart.

It is at least possible that hard times come upon us not as punishments but as stringent blessings. The poet Theodore Roethke, himself a depressive, tells us: 'In a dark time, the eye begins to see.' Spiritual and creative breakthroughs are the frequent fruit of time in the desert, a sudden vivid flowering as when the desert floor comes vibrantly alive after a rare and sudden rain. Droughts can be survived. Desert time can be turned to good purpose if we are willing to listen and endure.

~Quote by Julia Cameron
~That awesome picture of the Sonora Desert
can be enlarged and installed as desktop wallpaper.

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don't open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

~Rumi

This pretty much sums me up today!
It's from Argyle Academy

Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire

I am reading The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire by Deepak Chopra. The book came to me in a synchronistic way, and is spontaneously giving me clues to finding answers to questions that I have been mulling over and struggling with for months now.

He says: "People who have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning to go to a job they hate, who find it difficult to become engaged in their professional activities, who feel emotionally 'dead' after a day at the office, need to pay attention to those feelings. These are important signals that there must be a way to get more fulfillment out of life. Perhaps a miracle lies in the wings. You'll never know unless you form an intention, become sensitive to the clues from the universe, follow the chain of coincidence, and help create the destiny you most desire."

Now, I don't hate my job - but I don't love it either. As broke as I am, I cannot force myself to work more hours even when they are available, I do find it hard to get out of bed in the mornings, and I do feel emotionally 'dead' just about all the time. I keep myself pretty well anesthetized. My greatest pleasures come from being involved in creative projects and my biggest disappointments come when those projects don't grow into self sufficiency.

He goes on to say: "Of course, life can be difficult, and we each have daily chores, responsibilities, and obligations that can become overwhelming. Coincidences may come flying at you from all directions, or they may seem to dry up entirely."

So true. What does he say to do about that?

• Take five minutes every day and just sit in silence.
• Ask yourself a few questions.
• Who am I?
• What do I want for my life?
• What do I want from my life today?
• Let yourself go and let your inner voice supply the answers.
• Write those answers down.
• Do this every day.

When I did that, and didn't write anything down, nothing much happened. When I went ahead and wrote the answers down, it seemed to work better. Somehow, the process of writing it down opens up (at least for me) areas that my mind passes over.

This is what I came up with today:

• I don't know who I am because I'm afraid to know because I'm afraid that I will not be able to live up to it.
• What I want from my life is peace within and interesting challenges without, I want friends and companions. I want to be in a space where I can share what I know, where I can share my heart and my "knowings" in a way that is helpful and inspiring to others. I want the freedom to be creative. And I want what I create to be appreciated and loved.
• For today, I want to get "organized", I want to feel that I have "handle" on chaos, a road map, or a good "beginning" point for the rest of my week.

Snake Medicine

This is a Spreading Adder. Isn't he cute? I had a very interesting encounter with a little guy who looked just like this when I was in Oklahoma last week.

I haven't been able to get him out of my mind. He wasn't very big.. maybe 12 inches long at most. This is what I found out about him:

The name "Spreading Adder" name comes from snake’s tendency to spread its neck when he feels threatened – reminiscent of a cobra. His real name is the Eastern Hognose Snake (Heterodon platyrhinos).

Why does the hognose spread its neck? It’s a bluff to make the snake look large and imposing. These snakes are actually harmless.

Since I can't get him out of my mind, I decided look him up in my "Animal Speak" book. There is no mention of this specific snake, but for snakes in general, this is what he said:

The snake is a symbol of transformation and healing. Anytime a snake shows up as a totem, you can expect death and rebirth to occur in some area of your life. This rarely reflects an actual death but rather a transition. Look for change in conditions and a movement to new life. Examine what is going on around you:

• Are you needing to make changes but aren't for some reason?
• Are you trying to force change too quickly?
• Are you striking out at people and shouldn't?
• Are you not striking and should?
• What is needing to be healed?
• What new opportunities are surfacing that you need to strike out for and take advantage of?
• When you are frightened, how do you bluff?
• Do you exaggerate your fears?
• Do you want to appear bigger or more important than you really are?
• Are you bluffing?

It can also reflect that your own creative forces are awakening. Spiritually, it can stimulate greater perception of how to apply your insight and intuition. Your own vision and intuition will become more accurate. Learning opportunities, formal and informal, will surface frequently. You will be able to swallow and digest whatever you take in.

Snakes have speed and agility, so those who have snakes come into their life will usually find the changes and shifts occur quickly and are soon recognized and defined. When snake comes into your life you can look for a rebirth into new powers of creativity and wisdom.

Here's something to think about!

Here is a story I found in the book The Spiritual Life and how to be attuned to it by St. Theophan the Recluse.

A certain man lived somewhere far away in the desert. His internal organs became diseased, either his lungs, his heart, his liver, or maybe all of them at once. The pain made him feel as if he were going to die. He could not expect human help from anywhere, and so he turned to God with the most intense prayer. The Lord heard him. One night after falling asleep he saw a vision. Two angels came with knives, cut him open, took out the ailing parts, cleaned them, washed them and annointed them with something. Then they put everything back in its place, sprinkled something over him, and everything healed, as if he had not even been cut open. When he awakened, the elder got up entirely healthy, as if he had never been ill; he was new like a youth in the flower of his strength.

I told this story to someone who labors over himself. When he heard it, he responded with enthusiasm, "Oh, if only the angels would come and do for my soul what they did for the body of the elder!" (This is exactly what I was thinking!) In this response you can hear both a prayer and also a desire to shift that which is supposed to be done through one's own labors to someone else. (Oh oh... he's got me pegged for sure!) For such a crafty thought is not alien to our heart; we know that we are to be nothing but good, to to have to labor to achieve this - we despair. The angels are not going to come to purify and heal our heart. There exist such things as instructions and advice from angels, but everything must be done by oneself. All means are provided; that is, tools and surgeon's instruments. Take them and cut yourself wherever necessary without feeling any pity for yourself. No one else can do this for you. (I know he's right - but will I be able to do it? I'm not at all convinced that I can.)

The act of cleansing must be conducted by one's own self, without any self-pity. The motivator of this act within us is that efficacious, living zeal - that active, live, fervent, untiring zeal that is the sign our spirit has been rehabilitated and restored to its former power through reunion with God by means of the grace and action of the Holy spirit.

We do have our outbursts of zeal, but they are only outbursts, and then they are extinguished. The zeal which is always fervent, constant and untiring zeal, exists only when our spirit is filled with grace by the Holy Spirit. Thus when you have such zeal, it means also that your spirit has been restored, and - do not quench it - it takes in hand both the mind and body, all the requirements of their nature, all their domestic and civil cares, and it directs them toward one thing pleasing God and salvation...

It is both chopper and knife, which always works extremely well when it is sharpened by grace and guided by it's suggestions. It is ruthless when it establishes itself in the heart; it cuts, ignoring the cries of its victim. It is for this reason that the work goes successfully, and soon achieves its purpose; for the cutting is not the only thing. Once everything has been cut off, then zeal is present, but does not function as a knife. It acts as a guard, and turns all its fierceness on the enemies of salvation, on those annoyances from which no one is free and the shamlessness from which no one is ever left in peace.

Without it, your spiritual activity will get nowhere. Indeed, when it is not there, your spirit is asleep; and when it is asleep, there is no use in discussing the spiritual.

Maybe you might want to take notes!

Is anything on this blog worthy of a note? Probably not, but I thought this was pretty nifty and I wanted to try it! So go ahead, write a note! You know you want to.. so just do it!

A Sufi Dandelion Story

Here is an old sufi story that I have been mulling over today:

Mulla Nasrudin decided to start a flower garden. He prepared the soil and planted the seeds of many beautiful flowers. But when they came up, his garden was filled not just with his chosen flowers but also overrun by dandelions.

Read the rest of the story at Sufi Stories on ShirleyTwofeathers

Strikes Two Woman

This small story, told by Pretty Shield, a famous Crow shaman, is about Strikes Two, a powerful woman shaman and warrior who rode out bravely against Lakota tribesmen who attacked her village. I want to be her!

I saw Strikes Two, a woman sixty years old, riding around camp on a gray horse. She carried only her root-digger, and she was singing her medicine song as though Lakota bullets and arrows were not flying around her.

Then I heard her say, "Now all of you sing: 'They are whipped. They are running away.' Keep singing these words until I come back."

When the men, and even the women, began to sing as Strikes Two told them, she rode straight out at the Lakota waving her root-digger, and singing that song. I saw her, I heard her, and my heart swelled, because she was a woman.

The Lakota, afraid of her medicine, turned and ran away. The fight was won, and by a woman.

My Inner Spartan

I recently became entranced with the movie "The 300", and found myself watching not only that movie, but also "The 300 Spartans" (a 50's film) and a history channel special about it. At first, I couldn't figure out why I couldn't stop thinking about it. And then I remembered that when I was about 7 years old, I heard a story about a Spartan boy and I remember thinking that I really wanted to be that boy. Here is the story:

Spartan children were taught stories of courage and fortitude. One favorite story was about a boy who followed the Spartan code. He captured a live fox and intended to eat it. Although boys were encouraged to scrounge for food, they were punished if caught. The boy noticed some Spartan soldiers coming, and hid the fox beneath his shirt. When the soldiers confronted him, he allowed the fox to chew into his stomach rather than confess, and showed no sign of pain in his body or face. This was the Spartan way.

I wonder now how deeply my life was shaped by this vision of what courage and fortitude look like. I was 7 years old... and I wanted to be that boy! I think that maybe I am that boy on many levels. And I wonder how can I save that boy and at the same time honor and safeguard his strength and determination, his courage and his success.

Going to the beach!

I was researching pictures for the post about the salt water flush, and I found this. Isn't it beautiful? I want to go to the beach so bad that it makes my heart ache!

Clearing out the crap - literally!

In my ongoing internet search for ways to feel better in my body I found this:

The Salt Water Flush

Drink an oral salt water enema upon arising. To do this, add 2 level teaspoons of uniodized sea salt to a quart of lukewarm water (the one-quart juice bottles in which most organic juices come work very well). Shake well, then drink the entire quart. It's also good to massage the colon as well. Make sure you use uniodized sea salt; regular or iodized salt will not have the same beneficial effect....

... I am so sorry to do this to you, but this post has been moved to my new website, shirleytwofeathers.com, and can be found in the Alternative Therapies section, here: Clearing Out The Crap - Literally!

The Coconut Diet

Today I have been researching Candida Diets - since mine has been such a disaster. See My Candida Diet Disaster. And along the way, I found this little gem:

The Coconut Diet
Coconuts are a way of life for millions of people around the world today in tropical climates. Known as the "tree of life," the wonderful fruit of the coconut palm is rich in specific fats that have incredible health benefits. Traditional tropical populations that consume a lot of coconut oil are seldom overweight, and traditionally have been free from the modern diseases that afflict most western cultures.



The Coconut Diet picks up where traditional diets fail. Low-fat diets don't work. The body needs a proper balance of good fats, but in recent years traditional, healthy saturated fats have been substituted with harmful transfatty acids in the US food industry. We now know that these harmful transfatty acids that are found in most vegetable oils are not the healthy oils they were once thought to be, and they are considered one of the major culprits in modern diseases and obesity. The Coconut Diet replaces these highly refined harmful fats with one of the healthiest fats known to mankind: coconut oil.

I found the coconut diet website pretty interesting. And (if they are indeed true) the success stories sound pretty good!

Interestingly, Virgin Coconut Oil is related to not only weight loss, but to such things as increased metabolism, helping sluggish thyroids, increased energy levels, killing Candida and yeast infections, improving cholesterol levels, clearing up skin infections, killing viruses, improving digestive health, and more!

It sounded too good to be true, so I checked some other sources. At Web MD, and MedicineNet, I found mostly positive stuff, and then I realized that it was the same article in both places. So.. I looked specifically for information about whether or not coconut oil really is effective against candida. And found this article at the Public Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health. What is really interesting, is that when I was at the grocery store buying "real food" for my candida diet, I saw a bottle of virgin coconut oil, and was really drawn to it. I opted not to buy it because it wasn't on my list, and my budget is so limited. But, now I think I'm going to try it.

I'll keep you posted and let you know if I have the same results as this person:

Theresa - "This Diet Has Given Me Renewed Energy and A New Life! I have been taking a tablespoon of coconut oil three times daily with meals. Taking the oil with my meals seems to give me a “full feeling” a lot faster. My sweet tooth has practically vanished—and this is from someone who should have bought stock in Hershey's long ago! Ironically, facilitating weight loss was my main reason for trying the coconut oil diet, but with all the wonderful benefits I am experiencing, the weight loss aspect almost seems like an afterthought.

About three days into the routine, I had an energy rush on a Saturday morning that kept me going until well after lunch. I can’t believe how much I got done that day! My mental state of mind seemed to be much sharper. I was able to focus on the tasks at hand without getting sidetracked. I was not exhausted at the end of running my errands, which included traipsing around a huge mall. It seemed like I was practically running, rather than the leisurely walking that was formerly my habit.

In addition to my energy level, my mood has been very stable—no up and down mood swings—even with the onset of PMS! My husband commented yesterday on how soft and silky my skin felt, and I have not used any lotion since I started taking the oil." ~(from the Coconut Diet Forums)

My Candida Diet Disaster

So, about a week ago I started a candida cleanse using an herbal supliment to eliminate candida and a probiotic supliment to replenish the "good" organisms. In addition to the suppliments, I went on a "cleansing" diet that basically consisted of no sugar, no yeast, no cheese, no refined flours, no coffee, no caffeine.

Giving up coffee and sugar at the same time has been one grueling experience! I have brain fog, head aches, depression, fatigue, brain fog, head aches, depression, fatigue... Did I mention brain fog?

These are the foods on the "do not eat" list:

• All sugars and sugar-contained food including table sugar, fructose, corn syrup, honey, molasses, maple sugar and date sugar.
• All white flour and white flour products.
• All yeast-containing pastries, breads, crackers, pastas, etc.
• All cheese except ricotta, cottage and cream cheese. Artificially sweetened drinks and food products.
• Avoid alcoholic beverages.
• Avoid all fruit juices, fruits (fresh, canned, or dried) until yeast is abated. Fresh lemon or lime may be used in water, or as a substitute for vinegar in salad dressings.
• All coffee and tea (even herbal). Except pau de arco tea.
• Chlorinated tap water.
• All processed meats such as bacon, sausage, ham, hot dogs, luncheon meats, corned beef, and pastrami.
• Old leftovers. If food has been in the fridge for more than 3 days, do not eat it. Leftovers may be frozen.
• Obvious fungus foods: mushrooms, blue cheese, etc.
• Peanuts and peanut products: peanut butters. Use almond butter.
• All vinegar-soaked products or vinegar dressings: pickles, pickle relish etc. Lemon juice may be substituted from vinegar in recipes.
• Brewers yeast B vitamins made from yeast, yeast breads, pastries, cracker and pretzels that contain yeast.

It's harsh isn't it? What a shock to my system! People at work were practically begging me to stop it because I was so obviously impaired! (brain fog - remember?)

So now I have a refrigerator full of healthy food that I don't have the energy or the mental capacity to prepare. It's a conundrum!

I think that maybe I took on more than my body could handle. It occurs to me that it would be a good idea to back off a little bit. I don't want to admit failure or defeat - so I think I'm going to regroup, cut my losses, and formulate a new plan. In the mean time, I'm back to the caffeine (so I can think), but staying off the sugar (because I don't want it to all be for nothing).