Friday, February 29, 2008

Ok, Now I'm bragging!


128 words

Speedtest

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Numerologically Speaking

I found a fun little web site. It's called Marlies' Creative Universe. She has some fun numerology stuff that's easy to understand. Her nifty java script calculators make it easy to figure out what your numbers are. Here are the highlights:

My personal year is an 8 - which means Test and Evaluation:

You have done your reflecting last year and now you are switching from looking inward to looking outward. You are manifesting what you have worked on during the past 7 years. The physical world with its material issues, career and worldly accomplishments will take up a lot of your time. You are ambitious and now you know your strengths and are willing to take on more challenges.

When things get getting hectic you have a better understanding now as to what needs to be done. You are confident, feel fit and know where you are going. You will be tested and evaluated. So go for it and keep in mind that being organized will make life much easier for you at this time. You will get the recognition you deserve after all the hard work you have put into it. Money will be a big lesson with income and expenses running neck to neck. Money owed to you might also find its way back to you. It is a great year to sell or buy property and investments. You are attracting abundance. Look forward toward the future and not the past and your mistakes. Setbacks are only temporary as obstacles are opportunities for growth.

Taking the analogy of a farmer planting a field, just about there. The plants show what they will look like when they're ready to be harvested.


My Karmic Number was also interesting. The karmic number interpretation tells what you need to do in order to correct your actions from previous lives. It can also help provide invaluable instruction as to what to do so that you can reap the rewards of the seeds that you sow in this life.

My karmic number is 4, the intrepretation read: Achieving world peace is one thing, but first one must be harmonious inside. As you are such a caretaker of others, you are advised to take time out from your focus on others and regularly reconnect with your higher self by practicing yoga or meditation.

Now I'm Certifiable!

Ok, Mr Smarty Pants... Here is my Sanity Certificate! As you can see I am now certifiable. Not only that but I have a cool certificate to hang on my wall. Whaddaya think of that? huh? huh? I bet you want one too. Don't cha?

By the way, if you don't know what I'm talking about, that's OK because I am IN sanity and certifiable... or you could read the comment on this post about being bananafied.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Animator vs Animation

This is really cool, I hope it works as a blog post! Wait for the page to completely load, and then click on the image to activate the "movie." If the flash animation won't play, you can click through to the deviantART page and see it there.


Animator vs. Animation by *alanbecker on deviantART

You Are Now Bananafied!

If you are one of my faithful readers, you have now learned a number of amazing facts and interesting oddities about bananas. You have seen:

  1. Bananas coming in with the tide
  2. A banana in the sky over Texas
  3. Beautiful banana tree flowers
  4. One Bad Banana
  5. A giant banana peel on the sidewalk in New York City
  6. Bananas can cure what ails you
  7. Bad banana companies
  8. What happens when people have too much time on their hands
  9. Banana Man

Now that you have been bananafied, you are eligible to receive this certificate of a degree in Bananology! As you can see it has been signed by "Anna Banana," and all that's left for you to do is print it up and fill in the blanks!


Congratulations!

The Other Side of the Banana Story

Yes, bananas are good for what ails you, but life on a banana plantation - growing Chiquita bananas means pesticides and hard work.

On farms from Mexico to Ecuador, Chiquita and its affiliates grow millions of bananas every year for consumers in North America and Europe. The fruit is grown and harvested in a labor-intensive process that involves an army of workers, lots of equipment, crop-dusting airplanes, foam cushions, string, bags, special cartons, refrigerated trucks and trains, and tons of pesticides.

While production methods vary slightly from plantation to plantation, the basic operations illustrated below remain the same. This illustration is a composite plantation, drawn from Enquirer reporters' visits to Chiquita subsidiary plantations and Chiquita-affiliated farms in Honduras and Costa Rica, as well as interviews with plantation workers and environmental scientists.

Commercial banana plants grow from 15 to 30 feet in height and are grown in long rows on large irrigated plantations. Most bananas consumed in the United States are grown in the lowlands of Central and South America. The average banana plant produces fruit about every nine months. The stem usually grows to contain about 150 bananas. When the manager decides, the fruit is cut green from the plant and dropped carefully on the back of a worker carrying a cushion to stop any bruising of the fruit.


  1. To kill off other plants growing around the bananas, workers apply herbicides. The chemicals are toxic and wash into the ground and ground water during rains.

  2. To kill off nematodes, small worms that attack banana plants from the roots, workers cover the ground around the plants with nematicides. These chemicals are highly toxic and make an area extremely dangerous for 24 to 48 hours after application.

  3. Banana plants do not have strong trunks, they can easily be knocked over in a tropical windstorm. To prevent 'blowdowns,' workers tie the plants down with string.

  4. Aerial spraying is an integral part of pesticide application in commercial banana farming. The main purpose is to combat Black Sigatoka, an airborne fungus that can destroy a plantation's crop. In areas that are infected with the fungus, including much of Central America, airplanes may spray fields more than 40 times a year.

  5. The spray lands on the plants' upper leaves, the ground, irrigation canals, streams and rivers and nearby homes, workers and residents, scientists told the Enquirer.

  6. Workers on Chiquita subsidiary plantations and other farms producing Chiquita bananas told the Enquirer that they receive no warning when the planes come over and they often hide under banana leaves to escape the pesticide dust.

  7. Nearby villagers complain the aerial spraying often drifts into their yards, sending children running into the houses to escape rashes. Many worker villages are located close to banana plantations.

  8. The water used in the in the packing plants to wash pesticides off the bananas comes from the irrigation canals and then is routed back out into the water supply. Chiquita has built berms in recent years on some plantations to limit pesticides from flowing directly into rivers. But many irrigation canals, laced throughout every plantation, remain directly exposed to pesticides.

  9. Plastic bags imbedded with the powerful chemical chlorpyrifos protect the the growing fruit from insects throughout its entire gestation. In previous years,the bags were simply discarded after use, though the major banana companies have now started recycling programs.

  10. At harvesting, the stem is placed on a large overhead cable system that runs throughout the plantation. Workers place foam cushions among the fruit to stop bruising. The fruit is then pushed along the cable toward the "Empacadora," the packing plant.

  11. In the packing plant, workers remove the cushions. Other workers then cut the stems into smaller bunches.

  12. The bunchesare then put in a "pila de seleccion," a selecting trough, where selectoras, usually women, choose the bananas and cut them further down to shipping size with small hooked knives.

  13. Larger troughs called 'pilas des leches," milk troughs, wash off the pesticides applied in the fields as well as natural fluids from the banana plant.

  14. New pesticides are applied to the bunches after they are placed on a conveyer belt. The new pesticides, either thiabendazole or imazalil, are applied to prevent "crown rot," a fungus that attacks the extremities of the banana bunch.

  15. On some plantations, Chiquita has installed small plastic containment systems that save money on pesticide costs and reduce worker exposure to the pesticides. But most plantations do not have this system, according to Chiquita statements issued through its attorneys to the Enquirer.

  16. Boxes of banana bunches, freshly applied with pesticides, are put on large skids for shipment. On all the plantations visited by the Enquirer, most workers viewed by reporters did not wear gloves when handling the pesticide-covered bananas.

  17. Trucks or trains are brought to the plant and loaded with the skids. The bananas are taken to port, where the large refrigerated containers are lifted onto ships. The ships then sail to various destinations, usually in North America or Europe. About ten days to two weeks after being harvested, the bananas are on display and for sale at local groceries.

Pesticides in the banana ecosystem
The ecosytem of a banana plantation is extremely wet and hot. The soil is very loose, helping the banana plants grow but also making it easy for pesticides to spread throughout the system.

It often rains in these areas, flushing pesticides into the ground and water table. The banana industry's answer to this dissipation has been to apply pesticides frequently.

Ways pesticides get into the environment:

  • Air: Airplanes drop toxic chemicals regularly from the air. Pesticides fall on the plants, but also on workers, the ground and irrigation canals and streams.

  • Ground: Workers apply pesticides to the ground around the plants. These chemicals seep into the ground with every rainfall.

  • Water: Pesticides also get into water that is used to wash bananas in the packing plants. That water then flows back into the irrigation canals.

  • Bags: Plastic bags with the insecticide chlorpyrifos cover all the banana bunches from their inception. The chemical leaks off the bags in rain storms and flows into the ground and water.
Black Sigatoka is a banana plant disease that plagues most areas where Chiquita bananas are produced. The airborne fungus eats away at the plant leaves, turning them black. The disease shrinks the size of the fruit and makes it ripen too quickly to be shipped to market. Eventually, the disease kills the plant. Some researchers are now trying to find a Sigatoka resistant banana that will still appeal to consumers, but nothing has been discovered thus far. To date, the industry's reaction to the problem has been to increase aerial spraying of powerful pesticides.


BUY ORGANIC!
Good For You, good For the Planet
.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Going Bananas!

FINALLY A CURE FOR WHAT AILS YOU - BANANAS
A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of bananas on the brain.

Read on:

Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
This is interesting.
After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90 minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana isn't can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!'

Before you get too excited about bananas, however, you might want to read this!

At a loss for words?

Ok, just in case you were not too impressed with the ghost writer program I found for you... here's something else you might use when at a loss for words! It's completely portable and can be used whenever necessary. No batteries required.

At a loss for words?

Ghost Writing

At a loss for words? Never fear! I have found you a cool new tool. It's the GHOST WRITER. Here is a letter it composed for me just this morning:

Dear Readers,

There's a saying, May the roof above never fall in and may the friends below never fall out. We should get together more often. We like the same things. Go the same places. Know how to find and appreciate the new...the beautiful...the uncommon pleasures in life.

To make a long story short and to the point... Peace. Some say you find it only when they shovel the last heap of dirt on your grave. Skeptics say, Not even then. Success is a journey, not a destination.

Each individual is an end in himself, not a means to the ends of society. His highest purpose is the pursuit of his own happiness. So said Thomas Jefferson. And the benefits we enjoy in America were created in just that way, by individuals selfishly pursuing their own ends.

Show your boss you can walk on water. Just because you were on the mountain when the avalanche started doesn't mean that you caused it. We realize that such a practice is a significant inconvenience these days, and we are working hard to stop it.

I remain affectionately yours,
Shirleytwofeathers

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I finally did it!

I've been talking for months about The Question of the Day, and how I think it's time to let it go... Well, today was the day. I asked the Fortune Teller (see bottom of this page), and she said "Absolutely!" so how could I go wrong with that great advice?

I am planning to gradually import the questions and the answers that I think are interesting and intriguing. I think it will be fun to revisit them... see how far we've come in the last year.

Also, I think it would be nice to take a moment of silence as we visit The Idea Cemetery where The
Question of the Day now gently rests.

In case you can't read the small print, this is what the letter says:

Dear Mr. --,

It is with deep sadness that we acknowledge the death of your idea. Beloved ideas are often torn from this world far too soon, and whether these unexpected farewells are at the behest of consultants, creative directors or customers, the pain is always real.

Perhaps your grief will be easier to bear if you know that others share in it -thousands of ideas die each day. Join our large, grieving community at
ideenfriedhof.com and commiserate with friends over the grandeur of your idea. To find peace, please use the enclosed memorial park, which will make your desktop a place of solemn reflection.

You’ll realise how good it feels to let go. Wonderful days with beautiful new ideas lie before you. Our online catalogue 'One Life' will show you the latest and most important visual trends and will inspire you to fresh, stunning ideas.

With best wishes for your creative future,

Horst Zsifkovits
Vice President of Sales
Central and Northern Europe

Roping a Deer


Names have been removed to protect the stupid!
Actual Letter from someone who farms in Kansas.


I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.



This hilarious story has been moved to it's more permanent spot at shirleytwofeathers.com

Feeling Pissy?

F#%k you CHORES

Original URL: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/367342914.html
this craigslist posting was forwarded to you by someone using ouremail-a-friend feature - if you want to prevent these, please go here

Fuck you, cleaning the fridge. How the hell do you get so dirty? I don't eat in there, I simply store food. What the fuck is that stain on the bottom shelf? Do gnomes have parties in here when I'm at work or something? Nasty little gnomes. And, for some reason, I feel really, really vulnerable when I'm bent over, scrubbing your gross shelves. Don't know why. So thank you for keeping my beer cold, but fuck you for making a mess of it.

Fuck you, paying bills. Every fucking month? Are you kidding me? I barely even watched TV this month, I still gotta shell out all that cash? And, while I'm at it, fuck your pathetic little late fees. They're small enough for me to easily ignore them but they add up over time. So thank you for the electricity, water and internet, but fuck you for your constant demands.

Fuck you, deleting old files from my computer. What man can make this decision? It's like choosing which of my kids to leave behind on the sinking ship. Fuck, this is killing me. I hate my old ass computer.

Fuck you, changing light bulbs. It's 2006, right? I was pissed when I wasn't issued a jetpack in 2000 (where's my fucking raygun?!?), but I figured by now technology would've at least advanced to the point where I don't have to stand on my wobbly chair and deal with this crap. Two bonus fuck yous: for scaring the crap out of me when I walk into a darkened room, innocently flick the switch and get momentarily blinded by that huge flash and terrifying pop! Also, for somehow convincing your lightbulb brethren to join you, causing a chain reaction that means I'm filled with fear whenever I turn on a light. Pop! Pop! Pop! What, did you all join in a suicide pact while I was asleep?

Bastards.

Fuck you, washing dishes. Yes, I know, you smell funny, and I know the longer I wait, the more weird slime stuff is just gonna accumulate on you. That's why I've pretty much switched to just using paper plates (fuck you, environment) and eating with my hands. I'm a caveman in an apartment.

Finally, fuck you, writing this rant.

Found in my inbox this morning!
Thank you Daniel!
I totally agree!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Breaking News!

It is now possible to ASK THE FORTUNE TELLER without leaving this site! How cool is that? Scroll down to the bottom of the page and see this awesome new widget!!! No longer will you have to search the internet for answers to life's most important questions! Just head on down and find out what's what!

My Celtic Horoscope

You Are A Weeping Willow Tree

You are a dreamer, and you're into almost any kind of escapism.
Restless and capricious, you love to travel to exotic places.
You are easily influenced by others, as long as they don't pressure you.
You tend to suffer in love until you find that one loyal, steadfast partner.
An empathetic friend, you love to make others smile and laugh.

A Mini Course in Astrology


ARIES - The Aggressive

Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be "Right". Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world.


TAURUS - The Tramp

Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Independent but needs love and attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!


GEMINI - The Twin

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Gemini's will not take any crap from anyone. Gemini's like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Gemini's can be very sarcastic and childish at times, and are very nosey. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.


CANCER - The Beauty

MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most's are artists and insane respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to!


LEO - The Lion

Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy, but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is re ally good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.


VIRGO - The One that Waits

Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only.


LIBRA - The Lame One

Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying... Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Kinda dumb at times.


SCORPIO - The Addict

EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring.


SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with - you might end up crying.


CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover

Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini's in sports. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.


AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water

Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in long-term relationships. Can be clumsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy, and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when they're not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their familiy. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.


PISCES - The Partner for Life

Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Messy at times and irresponsible! Smart but lazy. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. Lover of animals. VERY caring, make wonderful nurses or doctors . They always try to do the right thing sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but need to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Buffalo Child Comes Home

A story by shirleytwofeathers


Buffalo Child was born on the evening of the day of a great storm. A hard rain came down in sheets, bringing earthworms up out of the soil, and sending raccoons scurrying home to their dens. The ground all around the birth mother had turned to mud, and was so deep and thick that Buffalo Child had a very hard time standing up.

Her birth mother tried to nudge her to her feet, but Buffalo Child just rolled over. She rolled over so many times that thick mud stuck to her birth damp coat, and became very heavy. Finally, with great difficulty, Buffalo Child stood up. She looked around for her birth mother, but everything was the color of brown earth. Thick mud covered Buffalo Child’s eyes, and she did not recognize anything. She could not see which of the dark shapes in front of her was her mother.

Buffalo Child moved hesitantly toward the dark shapes, and as she did, her confidence grew. Surely her mother was the tallest, most magnificent of all the shapes she saw before her. On unstable legs, she ran forward, running right into the thick brown shape she thought was her mother. But it wasn’t her mother that she was running towards. It was an old cottonwood tree, and it hit her hard between the eyes. Buffalo Child cried out, thinking that her mother had struck her. The tears washed some of the mud and dirt out of her eyes, and she saw that her mother was not the tree.

The other Buffalo Mothers were dismayed. They saw the newborn Buffalo Child run into the old cottonwood tree, they saw that she was lost and stumbling, and so they moved into a protective circle around her. Her birth mother once again nudged Buffalo Child and this time, with awkward shaky steps, she found her mother. Buffalo Child suckled sweet milk, and she felt love, and it was good.

Buffalo Child was never able to see clearly, and the thick mud that had formed around her when she was born soon hardened. It was very heavy, and caused her to grow in an unbalanced way. Her mother was patient at first, but their bond was not as strong as it might have been, and it was very hard to be the mother of a child who was half blind and unable to walk in a straight path. Buffalo Child was always bumping into rocks and tripping over thick clumps of prairie grass, and blundering into thickets of thorn bushes. The other mothers soon lost interest in this strange child; they grew tired of looking for her when she was lost. They had their own children to worry about. They had their own concerns.

And so it was, that Buffalo Child often went hungry, she had no safe place to sleep at night, no kind words were spoken, and her life grew cold and lonely. She no longer felt love, and did not often taste the sweetness of mother’s milk.

The leader of the tribe, a great White Buffalo, watched Buffalo Child those first days of her life. His heart filled with compassion as he saw how the members of the tribe, and even her own birth mother, one by one fell away, until soon Buffalo Child had no one at her side, no one to show her where the sweet grass was, no one to lead her to the quiet watering holes, no one to pick her up and dust her off after a great fall. He saw that she was alone in the world and his heart opened to her. And he took it upon himself to be her father.

He named her Star Child, and licked her clean of mud and dust. He pulled burrs and thorns out of her thick coat, and soon it was clear that she was truly his daughter. Her robe, like his, was thick and white. The White Buffalo leader was kind to Star Child, and she called him Father. He waited patiently when she stumbled and fell; he stood guard over her as she slept; he taught her to find her way. In his care, she once again felt the sweetness of love, and it was good. But although she grew healthy and strong, and the dust and mud were gone, Star Child never regained her balance, and her eyesight was not clear.

One early morning, in the spring of the year, when a family of snow geese made a V in the sky, the Father took Star Child on a long walk. They crossed a small river, and stopped to enjoy the otters at play. Soon they came to a beautiful place, a place that was very close to the rising sun. Blades of sweet grass shone with gold on their edges. Somewhere a cougar made his presence known, and for a moment all was silent.

Star Child was very tired and sleepy after the long walk, so she lay down to rest in the tall golden grass. The White Buffalo Father stood quietly over her. He made a necklace of sweet grass and placed it around her neck. He wove a very small crystal into the fur on her forehead, and then he went away.

Star Child woke up to an eerie cry. She looked around for her Father, but he was gone. She looked toward the rising sun and saw a huge shape coming towards her in the sky, it looked swift and sure. She was very afraid, so she closed her eyes, and buried her head in the grass. She hoped that she would look like a large white rock. She hoped that whatever it was that was coming would fly on by.

But it didn’t.

The Great Mother of the Golden Eagles flew out of the rising sun toward Star Child. Her eyes were sharp and bright. She picked the Star Child up in her strong talons, and carried her to her nest high in the top of a tree that grew high on the top of a mountain right on the edge of the world. The nest was large and lined with golden down. Golden Eagle Mother set Star Child down in the nest. Her eyes were sharp and bright, but they were kind, and Star Child lost her fear.

The time that Star Child lived in the nest was a healing time. No one laughed at her, or made fun of her for falling down, or bumping into things. She didn’t get lost. It was easy to stay in the nest because the sides were tall and strong, made of sturdy sticks and branches. It was a secure place at the top of the world. And Star Child could look over the edge, and out into the world whenever she wanted.

Golden Eagle fed Star Child healing herbs. She brought fresh, mountain water. In the night, under the bright stars, Star Child nestled, contentedly under Golden Eagle’s strong wings, and listened to the rhythm of her strong heart. She thought of her as Mother. It was a safe and sacred time.

Soon, because of the healing herbs, and because of the love of the Golden Eagle Mother, Star Child began to see more clearly. She began to see more than just colors and shapes when she looked out into the world. She began to see green grass, and red hawks feasting on the mice that lived in the grass. She saw rivers, and ponds, and the lodges of beavers. She saw forests and trees, and the deer people who lived amongst the trees.

At first it was fun to be seeing so clearly. But after a time, Star Child began to miss the feeling of soft grass and the earth under her feet. She wanted to bury her nose in flowers just like the hummingbirds she saw from her high perch at the edge of the world. She wanted to walk with fireflies in the evening time, and listen to owls in the night.

She looked toward the northern plains, and she saw the White Father, and she saw his gentle eyes, and knew his love. She saw her Birth Mother, and how it was with her, and the other Buffalo Mothers, their children, and the great Buffalo Tribe, and her heart was filled with an aching sadness. But she knew that in this great high place she was loved, that the Golden Eagle Mother loved her deeply and fiercely, and she herself had great love for the Mother of Eagles. So Star Child decided to forget about her sadness, she made a gift out of her precious necklace of sweet grass and gave it to the Mother. She decided to try to be happy.

The Golden Eagle Mother was pleased with the gift, but she was not fooled. She was ancient and wise in the way of children. And she knew what was best for Star Child. So one day, when the sun stood tall in the center of the sky, she took Star Child out of the nest and flew with her down to a place where the grass was thick and lush, where fat gray rabbits lived in warrens under the ground; a place of rivers filled with salmon; and where families of wolves hunted and sang in the night.

She gently set Star Child down in the soft green grass. And she said, “I love you, and I will watch over you always. My light will shine on you, no matter where you go, no matter where you are.” And with that, she flew back to her nest by the place where the sun rises.

Star Child was alone. She was a little bit scared, and a little bit sad. Star Child was alone. She was a little bit scared, and a little bit sad, but she was also excited and happy to be in this new place. Rabbits peeked out of their holes, curious about this stranger whose white robe was now tipped with gold. They were very impressed.

As soon as Star Child saw their little rabbit faces peeking out of the ground, she scrambled quickly to her feet. She was eager to make new friends. But even though her vision was good, her balance was still very bad, she was still unable to walk a straight path, and the first thing she did was run into a large rock and fall down. The rabbits laughed and laughed. They rolled on the ground laughing. Star Child saw that their laughter was filled with joy and fun, and she started laughing too.

Coyote heard the laughter and immediately came to investigate. And what he saw filled him with amazement. In front of him was a buffalo calf, with gold tipped white fur, rolling on the ground, with rabbits, laughing. He watched quietly. Soon the laughter stopped, the rabbits went back to their rabbit business, and Star Child stood up. She was hungry and began to munch on the grass.

Coyote noticed that the buffalo calf walked in a strange sideways, stumbling fashion. She seemed to know where she was going, but she was unable to walk a straight path, and sometimes she fell down. He began to follow Star Child around. He did everything she did. When she crashed into a tree, he crashed into a tree. He became her shadow. It was great fun.

And Star Child was very comforted to find that she had a shadow companion. Soon they became friends. Star Child told Coyote her story, and Coyote showed Star Child the way of the world. They had many adventures. Star Child discovered that if she followed Coyote as like a shadow, that it was OK to fall down, and that sometimes it was a great and wonderful joke. Sometimes they both fell down on purpose just to have a good laugh.

From Coyote, Star Child learned how to get out of a tight spot, how to talk her self out of big trouble, how to enjoy the surprises of life, and that there is bitter and sweet in every experience. Coyote taught Star Child the language of flickers, how to get the Grandfather of the Fishes to guide you out of deep water and back to dry land, and how brown bears find honey. It was a powerful time, a time of companionship and trust. Star Child called Coyote brother, and they were friends.

One day, late in the summer, Coyote took Star Child on the road toward the place of the setting sun. Towards evening, they came to a cave. Star Child curled up in a comfortable corner of the cave and went to sleep. While she slept, Coyote kept watch. He built a small fire and burned some sage. He sang to the stars, and the stars sang back. Then Coyote left a bundle of sage next to his friend and left.

When Star Child woke up it was very dark and cold. The fire had gone out a long time before. She was alone and very afraid. She called out to Brother Coyote, but he did not reply. She called out to the Mother of the Eagles, and to the Father of the Buffalo, and still there was no reply. The cave was dark, and cold, and silent. She picked up the bundle of sage, and held it to her heart. It did not speak to her either.

She wandered around in the dark for a very long time. Sometimes she bumped into walls; sometimes she fell over rocks. Nothing was funny, and she got very lost. Finally, Star Child sat down and cried. She let the tears flow. She cried for her lost tribe, for the Father, Mother, and Brother who were lost to her. She cried for herself because she was lost, and alone, and afraid. After a while, she ran out of tears. She was tired and exhausted from the wandering, the falling, and the crying, so she did not know what to do.

Suddenly she heard a loud rumbling noise. It sounded like thunder. Star Child stood up, her legs were shaking so much that she almost fell down. But she clutched the bundle of sage that Coyote had left for her. There in the middle of the cave was a huge brown mound of fur. The fur was thick and dark and shot thru with the gray hairs of age. One eye opened, and then the other.

Grandmother Grizzly looked right into Star Child’s heart. She looked past the fear, she looked past the stumbling and the fumbling, and she saw a sweetness and a light. She saw the sweetness of tall prairie grass, the light of golden sunshine, and she saw a story, and a friendship, and fun.

Star Child looked back. She forgot that she was frightened. She saw a Grizzly Bear, and she also saw wisdom, depth of feeling, and a heart as big as the world. “Hello Grandmother,” she said.

“Hello Little One.”

Star Child gave Grandmother the bundle of sage that she had in her hand. The gift was accepted with a smile. Grandmother invited Star Child to sit down. Star Child was very tired after wandering around for so long in the dark, and from the falling, and the crying, and soon she was curled up next to Grandmother Grizzly. There, in that safe warm place, Star Child fell very deeply asleep. She dreamed many dreams. Star Child dreamed of things she had never seen, of the great Whale Tribe that lives deep in the ocean. She saw visions, and she explored the dark time realm. Sometimes she would wake up, and wander through the cave. She talked to the shy mice that nested in hidden places, and to the ants that occasionally visited. If she found water or food, she shared it with them and with Grandmother.

Always when she slept she had dreams, and when the dreams frightened her, she moved closer to Grandmother for comfort, solace, and strength. It was a dark and quiet time. The depth of love was great.

And then, one day, Grandmother woke up. She thanked Star Child for spending time with her, for bringing her food and water through the long sleep. “Now you must go home,“ she said. “I will go with you in your dreams. I will be with you as you sleep, and beside you when you wander in the dark.”

Grandmother Grizzly stretched and growled. She stood up tall and strong, and she pushed hard on the side of the cave. The rock wall gave way with a shout and a roar. Sunlight streamed in.

For a time, Star Child was blinded and disoriented. She walked out into the world, and her vision cleared. It was the fall season; the air was crisp. Ravens spoke to her from the trees, and a snake slipped under the dry leaves into his safe hole in the ground. She looked back to say goodbye to Grandmother, but the cave was gone. She looked around, in the distance Star Child saw a herd of Elk, and beyond the snow covered hills, she saw sweet grass, and yes… Buffalo grazing.

Star Child made her way toward the Tribe. She noticed as she went, that she was able to walk a straight and narrow path, that she was not running into trees, or stumbling into bushes, or getting lost in thickets of brambles and weeds. Quietly and surely, she made her way toward the place where the Buffalo stood grazing, toward her birth mother, her birth brothers and sisters.

In the distance she heard Coyote laughing, so she stopped and waited for him to catch up. As she waited, she looked toward the east and saw the Great Mother of Eagles, and the Sun to touched her face. She heard dolphins singing. She walked toward the north, toward the White Buffalo Father, who smiled to see her again.

And so Star Child came home. But no one recognized her. Her robe had turned to a deep rich brown during her time in the cave; her eyes were clear and gold in color; there was a white star on her forehead; and the scent of sage followed her like a shadow. They called her Buffalo Woman. She lived quietly among her people. Sometimes she told stories, sometimes she fell down just for fun, and always she took care of the children.

Osho on Being Authentic

Truthfulness means authenticity, to be true, not to be false, not to use masks. Whatsoever is your real face, show it...and at whatsoever the cost.

To be authentic means to remain true to your own being. How to remain true? Three things have to be remembered.

One, never listen to anybody, what they say for you to be. Always listen to your inner voice, to what you would like to be; otherwise your whole life will be wasted. Your mother wants you to be an engineer, your father wants you to be a doctor, and you want to be a poet. What to do? Of course the mother is right because it is more economical, more financially helpful to be an engineer. The father is also right: to be a doctor is a good commodity in the market; it has a market value. “A poet? Have you gone mad? Are you crazy?”

Poets are people who are cursed. Nobody wants them. There is no need for them; the world can exist without poetry. There will be no trouble if poetry is not there. The world cannot exist without engineers; the world needs engineers. If you are needed you are valuable; if you are not needed you don’t carry any value.

But if you want to be a poet, be a poet. You may be a beggar. Good! You may not get very rich through it. Don’t worry about it, because you may become a great engineer and you may earn much money, but you will never have any fulfillment. You will always hanker, your inner being will hanker, to be a poet.

Remember, be true to your inner voice. It may lead you into danger; then go into the danger, but remain true to the inner voice. Then there is a possibility that one day you will come to a state where you can dance with inner fulfillment. Always look for the first thing is your being and don’t allow others to manipulate and control you. They are many: everybody is ready to control you, everybody is ready to change you, everybody is ready to give you a direction you have not asked for. Everybody is giving you a guide for your life. The guide exists within you; you carry the blueprint.

To be authentic means to be true to oneself. It is a very, very dangerous phenomenon; rare people can do that. But whenever people do it, they achieve. They achieve such beauty, such grace, such contentment, you cannot imagine. If everybody looks so frustrated, the reason is that nobody has listened to his own voice.

You wanted to marry a girl but the girl was a Mohammedan and you are a Hindu brahmin. Your parents wouldn’t allow. The society wouldn’t accept; it was dangerous. The girl was poor and you are rich. So you married a rich woman, Hindu, brahmin by caste, accepted by everybody but not by your heart. So now you live an ugly life. Now you go to the prostitute, but even prostitutes won’t help you. You have prostituted your whole life; you wasted your whole life.

Always listen to the inner voice, and don’t listen to anything else. A thousand and one are the temptations around you because many people are there peddling their things. It is a supermarket, the world, and everybody is interested in selling his thing to you; everybody is a salesman. If you listen to too many salesmen you will become mad. Don’t listen to anybody; just close your eyes and listen to the inner voice. That is what meditation is all about: to listen to the inner voice. This is the first thing.

Then the second thing — if you have done the first thing only then does the second become possible: never wear a mask. If you are angry, be angry. It is risky, but don’t smile because that is to be untrue. But you have been taught that when you are angry, smile; then your smile becomes false, a mask...just an exercise of the lips, nothing else. The heart full of anger, poison, and the lips smiling; you become a false phenomenon.

Then the other thing also happens: when you want to smile you cannot. Your whole mechanism is topsy-turvy because when you wanted to be angry you weren’t, when you wanted to hate you didn’t. Now you want to love; suddenly you find that the mechanism doesn’t function. Now you want to smile; you have to force it. Really, your heart is full of smile and you want to laugh loudly, but you cannot laugh, something chokes in the heart, something chokes in the throat. The smile doesn’t come, or even if it comes it is a very pale and dead smile. It doesn’t make you happy. You don’t bubble up with it. It is not a radiance around you.

When you want to be angry, be angry. Nothing is wrong in being angry. If you want to laugh, laugh. Nothing’s wrong in laughing loudly. By and by you will see that your whole system is functioning. When it functions, really, it has a hum around it, just as a car, when everything is going good, hums. The driver who loves the car knows that now everything is functioning well, there is an organic unity — the mechanism is functioning well. You can see: whenever a person’s mechanism is functioning well, you can hear the hum around him. He walks, but his step has a dance in it. He talks, but his words carry a subtle poetry in them. He looks at you, and he really looks; it is not just lukewarm, it is really warm. When he touches you he really touches you. You can feel his energy moving into your body, a current of life being transferred...because his mechanism is functioning well.

Don’t wear masks; otherwise you will create dysfunctions in your mechanism...blocks. There are many blocks in your body. A person who has been suppressing anger, his jaw becomes blocked. All the anger comes up to the jaw and then stops there. His hands become ugly. They don’t have the graceful movement of a dancer, no, because the anger comes into the fingers — and blocked.

Remember, anger has two sources to be released from. One is the teeth, another is the fingers: because all animals, when they are angry, will bite you with their teeth or they will start tearing you with their paws. So the nails and the teeth are the two points from where the anger is released.

I have a suspicion that wherever anger is suppressed too much, people have teeth trouble. Their teeth go wrong because too much energy is there and it is never released. Anybody who suppresses anger will eat more; angry people will always eat more because the teeth need some exercise. Angry people will smoke more. Angry people will talk more; they can become obsessive talkers because, somehow, the jaw needs exercise so that the energy is released a little bit. Angry people’s hands will become knotted, ugly. If the energy was released they could have become beautiful hands.

If you suppress anything, in the body there is some part,a corresponding part, to the emotion. If you don’t want to cry, your eyes will lose their luster because tears are needed; they are a very alive phenomenon. When once in a while you weep and cry, really you go into it — you become it — tears start flowing down your eyes; your eyes are cleansed, your eyes again become fresh, young, and virgin. That’s why women have more beautiful eyes, because they can still cry. Man has lost his eyes because they have a wrong notion that men should not cry. If somebody, a small boy cries, even the parents, others, say, “What are you doing? Are you being a sissy?”

What nonsense, because God has given you — man or woman — the same tear glands. If man was not to weep, there would have been no tear glands. Simple mathematics! Why do the tear glands exist in man in the same proportion as they exist in woman? Eyes need weeping and crying, and it is really beautiful if you can cry and weep wholeheartedly.

Remember, if you cannot cry and weep wholeheartedly, you cannot laugh also, because that is the other polarity. People who can laugh can also cry; people who cannot cry cannot laugh. You may have observed sometimes in children: if they laugh loudly and long they start crying — because they are joined. In the villages I have heard mothers saying to their children, “Don’t laugh too much; otherwise you will start crying.” Really true, because the phenomena are not different — it is just that the same energy moves to the opposite poles.

The second thing: don’t use masks. Be true whatsoever the cost.

The third thing about authenticity: always remain in the present — because all falseness enters either from the past or from the future. That which has passed has passed; don’t bother about it. Don’t carry it as a burden; otherwise it will not allow you to be authentic to the present. All that has not come has not come yet. Don’t unnecessarily be bothered about the future; otherwise that will come into the present and destroy it. Be true to the present, and then you will be authentic. To be here-now is to be authentic. No past, no future: this moment all, this moment the whole eternity.

These three things, and you attain what Patanjali calls truthfulness. Then whatsoever you say will be true. Ordinarily you think you have to be alert to say the truth. I’m not saying that. I am saying: you create authenticity; whatsoever you say will be true. An authentic man cannot lie; whatsoever he says will be true.

In Yoga we have a tradition — it may not even be possible for you to believe it; I believe it because I have known it, I experienced it: if a real, authentic man lies, the lie will become true, because an authentic man cannot lie. That’s why in the old scriptures it is said, “If you are practicing authenticity, be alert not to say anything against anybody — because it can become true.” We have many stories of great seers who said something in anger, but they were so authentic....

You must have heard the name of Durvasa — a great seer, authentic man. If he says something, even he cannot cancel it. If he curses you, the curse is going to come true. If he says, “You will die tomorrow!” you will die tomorrow, because from that source of authenticity the lie is not possible. The whole existence follows an authentic man and then even he cannot cancel it.

It is beautiful. That’s why people go to great seers for their blessing: if they bless, it is going to come true. That is the meaning, nothing else. They go and they ask blessings. If the seer gives the blessings then they are not worried; it is going to happen now, because how can an authentic man say a lie? Even if it is a lie, it is going to be true. So I don’t say, “Tell the truth.” I say, “Be authentic and whatsoever you say is going to be true.”

Ceiling Kitty Hard At Wurk

Rats in Ur WallsThank You Ceiling Kitty!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Making peace with Aragorn

Ok OK... I know, enough already about Aragorn... and you'll have to bear with me at least one more time, because I think this is really profound!


All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows will spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken:
The crownless again shall be king.

I am finding so much comfort in that phrase, "not all those who wander are lost... the old that is strong does not wither..." If it is indeed possible to be Aragorn all that is required of me is to just show up and do whatever I can do. I am not lost in a maze....

And this post has been moved to my new website, shirleytwofeathers.com. It can be found in its entirety on my personal blog Hey It's Me

I found something really cool!

It's the Hobbit Name Generator.

My actual hobbit name is -
Are you ready for this?

Iris Sandybanks of Frogmorton

How cool is that?
What's your hobbit name?

Or maybe you're an elf?
I have an elvish name too... but it's a secret.
Want to know what yours is? Discover it.

This post has been migrated to my new website, shirleytwofeathers.com, and if you want look at it over and over again, you can find it on my personal blog: Hey It's Me.

Sister Rose's Cajun Cough Stopper


Here's a recipe for a Hot Toddy
Makes 1 cup.

  • 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
  • 1/4 tsp ground allspice
  • 3/4 cup freshly squeezed orange juice (or orange, grapefruit and lemon juice combined)
  • 1 tsp honey
  • 1/4 cup bourbon

Add the spices to the juice and mix well. Bring the mixture to a boil, pour into a cup and add the honey. Add the bourbon. Inhale the steam and sip very slowly.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

So I asked the I Ching Oracle...


I asked the I Ching Oracle:
How can I be more like Aragorn?


(present) 38. Keui - Opposition
Dampen your enthusiasm, no success lies down that path. Opportunity arises when opposites are reconciled.

(future) 2. Kun - Mother Earth
The path may take a little longer, but it is worth the wait. Show the largeness of your heart and your success will benefit more than just yourself.

What does the Oracle hold for you?
http://luckyhonu.com/iching/oracle

Hmmm...
Ok, I'm going to go clean my sword,
kill some of the bad guys hiding in the kitchen sink,
and think about this for a while.

And then later I moved this post to my new website, shirleytwofeathers.com, it can be found on my personal blog - Hey It's Me

Channeling Aragorn

Ok, so I've been considering how to channel Aragorn and it occurred to me that I need to answer some basic questions first:

  1. Where is the shire?
  2. And what exactly am I protecting it from?
  3. Who are the hobbits?
  4. Rivendell... how do I get there from here?
  5. Arwyn, who are you? Where are you? And how do you spell your name?
  6. What is the sword that was broken?
  7. Where do I find it?
  8. Who is going to reforge it for me?
  9. What is the quest?
  10. Where the heck is Frodo, anyway...
And this post has been moved to my new website, shirleytwofeathers.com, and can be found on my personal blog, Hey It's Me

Being Aragorn

This year I watched the Lord of the Rings with my friend Daniel. We did an all day marathon... watched all three DVDs, one right after another, it was incredible! And I did my usual thing of thinking about "If the Lord of the Rings was my real life, which character am I portraying?" and it occured to me that I have been working at being Theodin, King of the Rohirrim - which is better than Denethor by a long shot, so things are improving.

Then, we talked about who we would want to be... and Daniel suggested Aragorn. Well... Aragorn just happens to be my favorite character in that series. And, of course, I could never live up to his level of competence and strength of spirit. I'm was pretty sure on that score. But... the idea had a certain appeal.. it felt ambitious as hell.. so I decided to go for it.

And now... what is it... 45 days later... and I still haven't a clue as to how to actually DO it....

And this post has been moved to my new website, shirleytwofeathers.com and can be found in its entirety on my personal blog, Hey It's Me,


There are moments


There are moments, dark moments, monents of pain and hurt and aches and bruises. There are dark nights but they are part of the whole game. Without the dark night you cannot have a bright morning, and without the hurt, without the pain, you cannot enjoy either. They go together. Only dead people go beyond pain and then they go beyond pleasure too.
~Osho

Monday, February 11, 2008

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Ok, so I find myself in that dark familiar place that tends to haunt me most winters. And I thought I'd celebrate it with a song.


Click here to get Free Simon MP3s at EZ-Tracks.com *

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence

~The Sound Of Silence
P. Simon, 1964

Saturday, February 9, 2008

My life is worth how much?

Your Life Is Worth...

$541,500
Maybe I should put me on eBay!
I could solve all my financial problems!

Friday, February 8, 2008

I'm on ur tree


I'm on ur tree of the damned meetin' ur spider of a thousand torments.
iz not so gret, aktualy!

Ok so... here's a story for ya.

The day before yesterday I spent $30 at the grocery store. And then, yesterday, I paid $15 to have a flat tire fixed. This morning I put $15.00 worth of gas in my car, enough money to get me to work and back for the next 3 days. Then, I log into my email only to discover that I have a "low balance" warning from the bank. It seems I have $232.00 in my account. So, I'm thinking "that's alright. After all, it's only a week until payday, I've got a $60 check in my purse, and by the end of the month I'll have some boarding money coming in. I'll put off taking my dog to the vet, and everything will be fine if I'm really careful and nothing "exciting" happens.

Then the exciting thing happens....

I check the mail and find a disconnect notice for my cell phone... some anxiety there.... a little heart clenching goes on... but the bill is only $20... I still have the $60 check... the upcoming automatic withdrawal for the car insurance is somewhere in the neighborhood of $70... I'll be fine if I'm really super careful and nothing "even more exciting" happens. So, I paid the cell phone bill.

Then the even more exciting thing happens...

I get an email saying that my check to Bank of America in the amount of $220 was just mailed. Don't you just love automatic bill pay services? They make sure those bills go out when they are supposed to go out ensuring that forgetful flakey people (like myself) don't have their utilites turned off and their homes foreclosed on just because they forgot to visit the mail box, or because they did visit the mail box but put all the mail in the glove compartment of the car and forgot about it for 3 months... stuff like that.

So... I'm sitting here doing the math...
Getting excited...

By tomorrow morning I'm going to be at least... let me see...
Oh God... this is way too exciting...

Breathe... Shirley.... Breathe
At least I've got beer!
That's a bonus!

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Clam Lynch Visits Two Feathers

Ok, so who is this guy and why is he here?
I'll tell you.

The story that goes with this picture made me laugh out loud. So, go visit his site. Read the story. Surf the wilder side of the net today.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Doing God's Will

I'm having an idea... and instead of jumping right in and just doing it, I'm talking about it first.. as usual. The idea revolves around "doing God's will" which has been an ongoing theme in my life for as long as I can remember. I resist it, I crave it, I avoid it, I fight it, I beg for it. Sometimes I call it "following my guidance" - that's usually when it's something I really DO want, sometimes I call it "God is trying to kill me" - and that's usually when it's something I really DON'T want. We, (me and God) have been fighting over this issue ever since I was five years old and my parents obeyed God and sent me away to boarding school.

So... it's a touchy issue for me, fraught with danger and abandonment issues, expectations and angst, pitfalls, demons, angels, and unexpected blessings. It's NOT like the box of chocolates where you never know what you're going to get, it's more like the box of chocolates some of which are yummy and good, and others:

  • "Oh my God - there's a worm in this one."
  • "That's not a nut - it's a rock - call the dentist!"
  • "This one looks good - well, crap, it's made of rubber."
  • ... and one ...
  • "Is it this one?" is an atom bomb hidden in a tiny chocolate package...
  • "Kaboom" annihilation!

I've danced around this subject for years. Intellectually, I know that "God's Will" is probably a good thing. (Notice the "probably"?) And intellectually, I know that my life as a human woman will contain it's fair share of unpleasant surprises - and it's not because "God is trying to kill me." I also think that if I was "following God's will" there would be a sort of peace about it. That I would be able to navigate troubled waters with more serenity and less angst... and at the very least, when the shit hit the fan, I'd be able to chalk it up to a higher purpose and move through the crap with some small feeling of grace and support. And at the very most, it's "Kaboom" annihilation and oneness.

Where am I going with this? Yesterday I read the book, "Sweat Your Prayers" by Gabrielle Roth. She talks about dance as a spiritual practice. It sounds really good the way she presents it, and I almost felt like getting up and dancing as I was reading, and since I was at work I had a really good excuse for not doing just that. One of the things she said had a huge impact on me, and started me thinking about doing something every day that could very easily have a profound impact on my issues with "God's Will."



Here's what she said:

"The Wave is a spiritual practice, so start off with a prayer. My favorite is: "God is truly amazing. God is within me and I am within God." Then offer each of your body parts to the dance. Offer your shoulders to the dance, "Take my shoulders, use my shoulders, free my shoulders, they are yours," and then let your shoulders guide the rest of youf body in a dance. Do this with elbows, hands, spine, hips, knees, feet - with every part of you. Give all of yourself to the dance: "Take me. Use me. Move me even deeper within you." Do this until your whole body awakens."

Wow! What a great way to practice "Let go and let God," and get some exercise, and get some life and some movement pumping, and wake up, and be in my body instead of in my head, it kills so many birds with one stone that birds become seriously endangered around here.

So... I'm going to get off my ass, out of my virtual reality and into my body, and I really am going to go and do this right now.

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