My Life As It Stands Right Now

So, well ok... if you haven't read them yet, you might as well read the two posts I just put up. One is about who I want to be in the world, and the other is about well... downloading a program of perfection from the casual body of God... if indeed that is possible, and am I really sure that I want to be perfect?

Clearly, I am dissatisfied with my life as it stands right now. A friend of mine watched Avatar on New Years Day. She liked it so much she actually watched it twice, the second time on IMAX, and she said that as she was driving home, the world looked so dull... and boring... and she was just aching to BE in the world of that movie. Maybe, given my current mood, that's the last movie I should watch. I already think my life is dull and lifeless, if I go see Avatar, it'll just be clearly even more dull and lifeless...

LSD... remember those days? I used to drop acid so that my life would be filled with color and meaning, and eventually I gave it up because I realized that it wasn't actually improving anything, that my real life was just as colorless and meaningless with LSD as it was without...

Now, I don't know. I just wish I could peel away the scales from my eyes and see a vibrant living world, full of color and meaning, interesting and exciting, and me a valuable player in it, a person with an important (and interesting) part to play. And probably this really is a vibrant living world, and I am no doubt surrounded by color and meaning, and it's very possible that I am a valuable and interesting part of it... BUT... I just can't see it.

So... maybe I'll rewrite the Violet Flame Download... maybe I'll even do it. Or maybe I'll just talk about doing it... and talk and talk... bla bla bla.... by the way, did I tell you about The Lord of the Rings yet? Looks like that'll be my next post.  Stay tuned.