Sunday, January 31, 2010

Wrestling With My Life

The Prosperity Project this time around is about Living a Larger Life, and just when I think I've got it all together, just when I think my hard work is paying off, this happens... and I begin to lose my confidence and strength of purpose.

This week, today in particular, I think I've done a much better job at emulating "The Wrestler." This video pretty much sums me up, today at least!

Here's a short quote about the move: "It’s a simple but devastating story of faded glories and the inability to let go. They know how to do one thing and keep at it, because what else are they going to do? They may be stuck in the past but what else do they have to stick to?"

And I'm wondering, is all this wanting to "be" Aragorn, or "be" Buffy is this me trying to relive the glory days of the past that never even happened to me? Am I completely nuts? I'm having all kinds of 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th thoughts on the whole subject of "being Aragorn" and "being Buffy" and "being anyone including me." Here are some highlights from today's post on the Prosperity Project:

I missed a few days posting here because I was so worn out from work that I couldn't lift a finger to do anything. The last 3 days have been just brutal. Out of the 100+ dogs I bathed this week, I think there were only 1 or 2 who weren't vigorously resistant to the whole idea of wetness. From little bitty dogs who turned into crazed demons at the sight of water, to a Mastiff the size of a small horse curling his lip and showing his teeth to everyone who looked at him - it was just crazy!

As I was walking out to my car last night - feeling battered and beat up - I said to myself, "I'm tired of having to constantly fight every day!" Then, it hit me... fighting... Isn't that what Aragorn does? Isn't that what Buffy does? Fight Urukai, Orks, and vampires - bad guys? Isn't that pretty much what happens in these epic fantasy movies? Those larger than life heroes get out there and fight, then they fight some more, they get knocked down, they get back up, and they fight again. In the movies, it looks pretty cool... in real life I think it probably pretty much sucks!

Is it true that I don't want to be constantly fighting? or is it just that I don't want to be fighting with silly dogs who don't want their bath? Maybe I enjoy fighting, I just wish it was more interesting, or more rewarding, or that in the end I'll be winning something richer and way more cool than my piddling paycheck. Which sounds really ungrateful - and that's something else to consider - since that paycheck is what keeps my electricity on, my car running, and without it I'd be pretty frightened and cold right now.

Maybe at the end of the day I'd like to be sitting around the fire, or sitting in the library with my friends and companions thinking about how we saved the world yet again, instead of sitting at home, alone. And why is it that I'm generally attracted to the warriors, to the die hards, to the relentless hero fighting against all odds. Could it be that bathing dogs is just too easy? If they really were little demons, and if I really was saving the world one Lhasa demon at a time, would I be happy and fulfilled in my work?

And as I'm writing this, it occurs to me that movies and books tend to leave out the tedium and the long hours and even longer days when nothing interesting is happening. Would I have become such a Lord of the Rings fan if I had to watch it in real time? Would I even be out of the Shire yet if I was watching it as it actually occurred? And if movies did unfold in real time, I guess the movie I'd rather be in is Avatar... and I'd want to be one of those cool flying dragon creatures!

Of course, if that happened, I'd probably end up with a job flying and fighting... and I'd be coming home from that job feeling beat up and tired and wishing I had a small animal to eat... maybe a dog even... and saying to myself, "I'm really tired of flying and fighting."

So... guys... those are my thoughts for today. What about you? What are you wishing for and then wishing it wasn't almost as soon as you get it? Are your glory days over? Were they over before they even began?

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1 Comment:

Anonymous said...

Hm...glory days. Hard to say. Life is cyclic, so keep that in mind. It's not all wine, roses and orc blood (if you're into that kind of thing). Bear in mind we all wish for the pinnacle of what can be achieved. We rarely wish for the drudgery bits. But those are part of the deal, whether we want it or not. The key is finding your own personal legend (to use a line from that book, The Alchemist). Find your own original centre and all the adventure that comes with it. Aragorn may seem all that, but he's nothing next to your own epic journey.


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