Having satisfied my urge to rant, I thought it might be a good idea to have a talk with someone. But who? And then it came to me - a flash of inspiration! My mental attitude is in the toilet, who better to ask than the Plumber Guy? So, I asked what would be the best way to fix my depression. And he said - I kid you not!! - "Maybe you should ask someone who knows." I love the Plumber Guy. So, I took his advice and paid a visit to the I Ching Oracle.
(present) 21. Shih Ho - Biting Through
(future) 27. I - Corners of the MouthI was so bummed, I went looking for a random curse generator, and as you can see, I found one but it doesn't work in a blog post. Nor does it work as a blog widget. So, a pox on them!
Or, better yet, this cool randomly generated curse: May your doctor prescribe the sacharine slime swilling from the unmentionable orifices of a Babbletogian Windpasser.
I found this... floating around in my inbox. It's an email I wrote almost 4 years ago. So much hasn't changed since then!
Hi.
Well, I'm so discouraged.
One step forward and then three steps back.
Work is slow this week at Heavenly Pets.
I'm wondering how I will ever get my debts paid.
I can't make myself get my income taxes filed,
or the grass mowed,
I hope I can make myself apply for some jobs tomorrow.
So far, all the jobs that I really want are taken before I even get an application filled out.
Jobs I think I could get pretty easy go to other people
Younger people no doubt.
James gets jobs all the time.
He applies
And he gets hired.
He has a job right now.
So what's up with that?
Do I have to be mentally disabled and a man in order to get a job?
I have a job.
And I like my job.
Somebody told me once
"Do what you love and the money will follow."
So I'm doing what I love
And the money is following who?
And why am I complaining?
I will probably have just enough to pay my house, car, utilities, and bank of america
Just enough to pay them all one month late
At least I'm consistant.
I pay them
And I'm always late.
And it's not just paying the bills that I 'm late with either.
I'm late sending out birthday cards
And presents
Mothers day cards
and presents
Fathers day cards
and presents
Speaking of cards, I have 2 people that want to pay me for Gospel Missionary Cards
And I can't seem to get that taken care of either.
So what's up with that?
Money.
The root of all evil.
Did they really teach us that in church?
I did some research.
And it looks like I'll lose my land and mobile home if I do a bankruptcy.
A lawyer would be a very good idea.
And the thought of contacting one makes me too tired to even breathe.
I have some boarding going on.
But it isn't legal.
I still need to paint and mow and clean the place up
and then call the state of missouri
and pay this years fee
and last years fees
and deal with a kennel inspection
and it is never as bad as I think it will be
And just thinking about it makes me too tired to evn breathe.
My dad asks about it every time we talk.
He sent me $300 to get it legal.
I bought a lawn mower with some of the money
The rest of it is in a cookie jar
on top of my refrigerator
Someone has bought the property next to mine
they are building a house
it's making me crazy
I just want to scream and cry and rage and go on a shooting spree
but I'm too tired to do anything that vigorous
If I lose my privacy
And my peace and quiet
I'll be even more crazy than I already am
I used to have friends that I talked to regularly
but I don't call them
And most of the time I have my phone turned off
So even if they did call me
It wouldn't be very interesting for them
Since I haven't changed my phone message for weeks
At least it seems like weeks
I think I'm depressed
There was this thought that I should go out and get some professional help
Hypnosis
Or something
And then I started to feel pretty good
And I started painting
And I realized that I don't really need anyone to help me be OK
And then I got tired
And stopped feeling pretty good
And stopped painting
And started feeling pretty freaked out about money
And now I'm too tired to even breathe
The resistance in me is so big
I think it might swallow me up
Resistance to what?
I don't know.
Change.
Pain.
Discomfort (which is often worse than pain)
Activity
Life itself
The inevitability of "stuff"
and having to let go of it.
I was going to go to a sweat on Sunday
Thinking it might pull me out of this swamp of paralysis
But it's Layla's birthday party day
And I can't miss that.
Sky would kill me!
I'd be "Bad Grandmother of the Year"
And then I keep having these recurring thoughts --
painful things will happen in my life
I will get old
I will get frail
People I love will die
My dogs will die
Carpenter ants will eat my house
I'll never amount to anything
my whole life is mostly composed of big ideas that never amounted to anything
I probably won't go to heaven
I'll probably have to come back and do life on earth all over again
because I screwed this up so bad
So.
I'd call
but it's too late now.
I went to bed once
And I couldn't sleep.
They had bull dozers going in the field next to mine.
And I was thinking about the foxes
and the coyotes
and the owls
and all the living things that are being displaced
to go where?
and then my recurring thoughts
about change, and loss, and death came creeping into bed with me
So I turned on some music
but my ears betrayed me
and strained to see if they could hear the heavy equipment tearing up the soil
So I got up
and went looking for a job online
Found a few things
that I hope I call about tomorrow.
I love you both.
Love
Shirley
Depressing isn't it?
And here's the worst part: I'm having exactly that same kind of day today! Bleah! It makes me want to chop off my head!
Ok, so I was finding my Irish name, and stumbled onto this very extremely disturbing bit of information!
You Are Barney |
 You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer. You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps. Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem." |
Your Irish Name Is... |
 |
OK, so it wasn't exactly like the picture... but I did go to a sweat at the Potawatomi Reservation over in Kansas. I have been to a number of sweats in the past, so it wasn't something I've never done before. However, the last sweat I went to was 3 years ago, and was pretty hot, and I hadn't been to one since. So, when I got the invitation for this one, I was just a little bit nervous about it.
OK so... this post and other cool stuff can be found at my new website, Hey It's Me, which is hosted at shirleytwofeathers.com
The story of False Face
as told by Mad Bear Anderson.
I will tell you his story - who he is and how he came to look like that. But he is gone on now, evolved beyond this. These Beings have graduated and gone to a higher world - and they are high, high, high, beyond us. Yet we keep the False Face in this form and we pay honor and respect to it. It reminds us of a lesson far ahead of us - a hard lesson that we have yet to learn.
I call him False face even though that wasn't his name at his time. That was never the name of him or his people but that is how we refer to it. False Face had studied and learned all the basic things in the universe. Then he had prepared and developed himself in all the medicine ways. It took centuries of hard work, but eventually he developed all the spiritual powers known on this Earth. He knew all the ways of the Creator.
One day False Face stood out in a large field looking at the skies and at the mountains in the distance. And he thought to himself: Knowing as I do all the ways of the Creator, all things in this world are possible for me. I now understand how all things are done. Why, if it should be my will, those mountains should have to move.
And then he heard the voice of the Creator whom he knew as the Great Lord of the Universe. The voice said, "Yes, I am the Lord and the mountains are there by my will."
False face paused for a moment. Many times he had heard the voice of the Creator; but now he was thinking only of himself. Speaking aloud, he announced in a powerful voice, "I have come to know the ways of the Lord and I can duplicate them all! I can move these mountains if I wish!"
And the Creator repeated, "Yes, I am the Lord and I can move mountains."
"Not you!" shouted False Face. "I am referring to myself, I am talking about me. Have I developed all this for nothing? Can I do nothing myself? I have learned all the rules of power and creation! Do you still think I am useless without you?"
"You are never without me," the Great Spirit answered in a gentle voice, "for I am always with you."
"But I know all your secrets now," False Face protested. "I know how you do all these things."
"It is because you have come to me," said the Great Spirit.
In spite of all that he had learned, in spite of all his training and wisdom, False Face experienced a rush of great pride and anger, and he shouted at the Creator. "Go away. Leave me alone. I don't need you anymore. I am now powerful and you want to think of me as your little child. I am not your little child anymore. I can do anything that you can do. So just leave me alone."
"Alone?" said the Great Spirit. "There is no alone. How can I leave you? We are one and cannot be apart."
These gentle, loving words only made False Face more angry. It seemed to him, in his anger, that the Lord was discrediting him in spite of all his long efforts and the remarkable knowledge and power that he had attained. It seemed to him that the Great Spirit was still claiming all power for himself.
In his angry state, False Face determined to have a contest with the Lord of the Universe and he challenged Him. "I know you don't want these mountains moved, Lord. But I am going to move them against your will. Then you will see that I am something in my own right. You can pit your power against me if you wish, Lord!"
"I do not pit anything against anything," answered the Lord. "This idea of a contest is a temporary dream. Wake up and come to me now and you will see that nothing is anything in its own right apart from all that is."
But False Face repeated his challenge, "You are trying to take everything away from me, Lord. You cannot take this chance away. Do what you like. Oppose me if you like, but I am going to move these mountains anyway, knowing that you want them where they are, so that it will be clear that it is done by my will alone."
False face waited there in the field, grim and determined, and there was nothing but silence. So he went about the contest. Though he strained with all his might, trying everything that he had learned and developed over the centuries, nothing happened. Nothing at all. There was only a soft breeze, and the mountains stood in the distance as always. he flew into a rage, cursing in a way that cannot be repeated and, when there was only silence, daring the Lord to respond. He called the Great Spirit a fake and a liar, claiming the Creator had pitted his Great Will against him in spite of promising he would not.
Then an idea occurred to him. He would have his contest yet. He shouted at the Lord, daring the Lord to move the mountain while he tried to block Him with his own will as the Lord had done to him. He believed that if the Lord had neutralized his power then he could do the same to Him. But he also believed that the Lord might well want the mountains where they were and would be unwilling to move them. In either case, nothing would happen. He craved to claim victory over the Lord and he felt sure he would win his dare.
He shouted his challenge again. He clenched his fists and squinted his eyes and screamed into the sky; and before he could finish his sentence, he heard a trembling and a rumbling. He spun around to look just as the mountain was coming to his side. That was a mistake, for that caused the mountain to strike his face and break his nose.
And at that the gentle voice of the Great Spirit was heard again. "Now look what we have done to our beloved self. No matter. It is very temporary. We shall now set it right with our collective will, shall we?"
False Face felt a moment of great pain, and then he had a sudden awareness. There was no contest. There had never been any contest. This was another of his countless lessons. But this was the ultimate lesson and he had arranged it - he and His Own Self - so that he could be free from the desire to be a separate, independent something in its own right. So that he could be free from being apart and alone.
The False Face Society is the best known of many medicinal societies among the Iroquois. The society is best known for its dramatic wooden masks, the "false faces." The masks are used in healing rituals which invoke spirits and a dream world. Those cured by the society become members. Also, echoing the significance of dreams to the Iroquois, anyone who dreams that they should be a member of the society may join.
The masks are considered to be living and breathing. They are fed with cornmeal 'Mush' and they accept gifts of tobacco as payment for rituals. The design of the masks is somewhat variable, but most share certain features. The masks have long, black, reddish brown, brown, grey or white horse hair. Before the introduction of horses by the Europeans, corn husks and buffalo hair were used. The eyes are deep-set and accented by metal. The noses are bent and crooked. The other facial features are variable. The masks are painted red and black. Most often carry pouches of tobacco on their foreheads and/or nostrils. Basswood is usually used for the masks although other types of wood are sometimes used.
When making a mask, an Iroquois man walks through the woods until he is moved by a spirit to carve a mask from the tree. The spirit inspires the unique elements of the mask's design and the resulting product represents the spirit itself. The masks are carved directly on the tree and only removed when completed. Masks are painted red if they were begun in the morning or black if they were begun in the afternoon. Red masks are thought to be more powerful. Masks with both colors represent spirits with "divided bodies.
The story behind the rituals and the artifacts can be found here: The Story of False Face as told by Mad Bear Anderson.
I just finished reading a book called "Mad Bear - Spirit, Heailng, and the Sacred in the Life of a Native American Medicine Man" by Doug Boyd. This book has really resonated with me, I'm not entirely sure why, but for some reason reading it has given me a number of significant "aha!" moments. Just last week I was asking the "Master of the Universe" to send me a teacher... I had no idea it would be in the form of this old book, and yet that's exactly what has happened.
Never fear! The Plumber Guy is here! Yes. You can now ask any "how to" plumbing question, right here, on this very site... and the Plumber Guy will give you an immediate answer! Not only that, this amazing service is absolutely free of charge and open 24 hours a day! You can find him in his office at the bottom of the page.
Here's something cool! My very first check from Google is winging its way to me. It took me 1 year and 4 months to make $103.00 with Google Adsense. But get this !! Already, just in the months of February and March - that's only a month and a half - I have accumulated $42.00. WOW! Is that cool or what? I am so excited! All my hard work is finally beginning to pay off. Soon, I'll be IN the money.
Ok, so yesterday I went on a shopping spree and bought some really cool rocks. One of which was an awesome chunk of Celestite.
So that's life in shirleyland today...
How about you?
What's life in your land like today?
This is a video of a homeless man in Santa Barbara and his pets. They work State Street every week for donations. The animals are pretty well fed and seem to be happy. They are a family. The man who owns them rigged a harness up for his cat so she wouldn't have to walk so much (like the dog and himself). At some juncture the mouse came along, and since no one wanted to eat anyone else, the mouse started riding with the cat and often, on the cat. The dog will stand all day and let you talk to him and admire him for a few chin scratches.
After that last post, I was starting to worry, I was even thinking of getting out the aluminum foil. Thankfully, I now realize there is no need to panic!
| There's a 16% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens |
 There's virtually no chance you've been abducted by aliens. But there's always hope for the future! |
Thinking about running away from home? Planning to do something totally different with your life? Contemplating the Big Apple? New York City? Not sure how you would be able to afford it?
Here ya go! This was found on Craig's list:
$1 Room for ONE DOLLAR in bright, clean apartment (West Village NY)
I am looking for someone to rent a spare bedroom in my spacious 2 br apartment. The rent is only $1 per month. While this may seem a glorious opportunity to live in the desirable West Village and still have enough money to pay off your gambling debts, you must read carefully, as this situation is not suitable for all.
First, you must call me Pierre on Tuesdays, unless that Tuesday falls on an even-numbered date, in which case you must call me Pip. If the Tuesday is both even-numbered and a holiday, you must also paint me a watercolor of a woodland scene, replete with songbirds and a cute deer peeking out from the dense brush.
Second, you must join me for nightly sing-alongs during which you will accompany on acoustic guitar while wearing a macrame vest and a Guatemalan hat, both of which you must supply yourself. Currently on the playlist: Angie by the Rolling Stones in the key of F-sharp. After six months, we may add a second song to the list. You may not riff, yodel, or otherwise embellish the vocal line in any way. You may NOT simultaneously play the harmonica or knock on the guitar for percussive effect. Light refreshments will be served, at your expense.
You must feed my parakeets daily. Since I do not own any parakeets, you must obtain several in order that you may feed them. They enjoy sunflower seeds and pine nuts in the exact ratio of 2 to 1 (by nut count, not weight). One parakeet must be named Yellowy and have yellow or yellow-tinged plumage. Hi, Yellowy! Yellowy must already be named Yellowy; you may NOT simply purchase a parakeet and start calling it by that name. And don't think I won't know the difference.
Moreover, you must read all the ingredients in my foodstuffs to me daily, for all victuals in my kitchen, even for foods I do not plan to eat that day. If you have amusing anectodes about any particular ingredient, you may share them, as long as they do not exceed 500 words.
Every night, if there are at least three (3) stars visible in the sky (NOT counting any visible planets), you must prepare a mustard plaster and a camphor poultice, which you will then place outside my bedroom door. You will scratch gently at the door to alert me to their presence and then retreat to your chambers. If I open the door and catch sight of you, I will cast you out into the streets and alleys to meet your fate among the wretched of the city.
If you bring guests home, they must provide photo I.D., samples of their blood, urine, and saliva, and a small, green salad. They must eat the salad while I run the analyses on their fluids. The following diseases are permissible: cholera, typhus, and rabies. The following ailments are NOT: plague, rickets, and scurvy. If your guest is found to have scurvy, they may remain in the apartment as long as they have also brought a small piece of silver for me.
You must attend my morning lecture at 7:00 a.m. sharp. This morning's lecture, for example, explored the connection between the parliamentary system of government prevalent in European societies and my cataracts. Sometimes I will have a guest speaker. Last month, Henry Kissinger posited the existence of elves who come out at night and smoke the rest of your pot so when you wake up in the morning you can't believe you don't have any pot left 'cause you coulda sworn you had at least one more joint when you went to bed. He received a standing ovation for his presentation as well as the National Award for Excellence in Lectures.
If you are interested in this living situation, please write an essay detailing your contributions to society. I will be grading you on content as well as style. Spelling counts!
Thank you.
I found this in the May 1934 issue of Modern Mechanix! Sounds like this guy knows "the secret," don't you think? I think it's worth sending off for. This Yogi Alpha dude certainly looks like he knows what's up!
Here's what the article says:
MAN CAN NOW USE STRANGE INNER POWER
As Revealed by New World Teacher Yogi Alpha, internationally known Psychologist and Philosopher and acclaimed New World Teacher, is bringing Health, Happiness and Financial Success to Thousands by his Startling Revelations that:
it is easier to succeed than it is to fail.
Write for Amazing Free Lecture, “Key to Your Inner Power”
The story of a new and revolutionary teaching which reveals a strange inner power so dynamic and forceful that it can carry man to complete happiness, health and financial success almost overnight is told in a remarkable 5000-word Lecture “Key to Your Inner Power —the Seven Steps to Success”—recently compiled by Yogi Alpha, Internationally known psychologist and philosopher.
He tells of his discovery that all the laws of the universe can be controlled because the laws themselves depend upon the great universal mind for their existence; that every mind is part of this universal mind, and if you learn to use this dynamic energy it can bring complete fulfillment of your most cherished ambitions, WITHOUT PHYSICAL EFFORT.
Yogi Alpha further believes that this power is not limited to a fortunate few, but is latent in every human being, regardless of training, education or environment. This secret Key is so simple to understand and apply that it is amazing no one has found it before.
If you have wondered why many dream of success and happiness, without fulfillment, why they struggle and toil through the deadly monotony of daily grind for the few who seem to get ALL the good things of life, you will receive the answer in “Key to Your Inner Power.” And, if YOU have had visions of wonderful achievement, glimpses of riches you could almost reach, he will show you that these visions are PROOF that they are possible for you to attain; that they are part of your INNER POWER that can be quickly tapped if you are given the KEY.
The author offers for a limited time to send this amazing Lecture FREE of cost or obligation to all sincere readers of Modern Mechanix and Inventions magazine who wish to begin life ANEW. It explains how you may receive this new and revolutionary teaching in the privacy of your own home, and reveals the astounding secret, which mastered, may enable you within the next few months to increase your earning power, attract new friends and make your visions of achievement, health and happiness come true.
Mail the coupon TODAY for your free copy of this unusual Lecture which may unlock the reservoir of vast riches within YOU.
Read What Others Say of New Found Health, Happiness and Success “I now know greater peace of mind, more assurance, greater faith in myself. Through the wisdom and enlightenment of the Lessons, I am envisioning a vista, never before experienced, of security and a sense of power.” F. A. C, Los Angeles.
“Am in much better health and mind and throwing off the burden I have been carrying.” Maj. M. B., Los Angeles.
“I saw a marvelous change in the fourth day, and I received a job that morning.” C.
B., San Francisco.
I'm not sure where this came from, but it was sitting in my "drafts" folder, and since I had posted about numerology yesterday, or was it the day before? it seemed appropriate to add this to that mix. Interesting how the interpretation is different, and yet it could be said to "fit" me rather well.
| You Are 6: The Loyalist |
 You have strong relationships and are intensely loyal. People find you easy to love and care for.... |
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