It Might Be Goodbye

Ok... well, here's the thing.

Being the Gypsy Witch that I am, I have been content to break rules and fly by the seat of my pants where the picture blogs are concerned. I try not to post anything that isn't pretty much posted every where else already.

But... I have apparently tweaked someone's inflated sense of being a busy body, and it's possible that my Flickr account will get deleted unless I pull all the pictures that aren't mine real soon. Like maybe even tomorrow. This doesn't give me very many choices. I could scramble and lose sleep and move all 2000 pictures to other sites where the admin isn't so prickly. That part wouldn't be so bad... it's rewriting all those blog posts... I can't even imagine how long that would take!!

OR ... I could just give the whole situation over to the Red Jesus, and then if the Flickr account goes by by, I could simply delete all the blogs.

Well, I wouldn't HAVE to delete all of them, I could probably keep a few of them afloat if most of the images suddenly go away, but the picture blogs are toast if that happens. I'd have to really scramble to take care of a disaster of those proportions. And maybe it wouldn't be worth it...

I don't know if I'd have the heart for blogging if I became a Flickr pariah... outcast... persona non grata... WOW! That would get my "issues" and my "stuff" in an uproar. Big time.

Interestingly, just the other day, during my morning meditation, I had a thought that maybe the blogging and the internet is taking up too much of my time and energy. Time and energy that I could be using to actually dig really deep and begin to live shamanism... and art... and magic.

So, if I suddenly disappear from the blogosphere. Maybe even from the web. Vanish into thin air... you'll know. I threw up my hands and said... I don't know what... Aarrgghhhh is probably what it might sound like.

I wonder will you miss me?
Or would you even notice I was gone?

Which brings up why it is that I even like blogging... it's really actually kind of sick. Maybe even a little bit crazy. How?

What I love about the picture blogs is that they are POPULAR. (ergo: I'm popular)... which is really sad and sick when you weigh in the fact that the pictures I post aren't mine... and weren't even posted by me first. My so called "popularity" is derived solely by me hitching a ride on someone who is authentically popular and interesting. The same holds true for Mandala Madness, Gypsy Magic, Way Cool Quotes, and the Prosperity Project... people go there, they get inspired, they get uplifted, they have good experiences, maybe it even makes their day... but not from anything I actually wrote. NO it's from stuff I find that OTHER people write.

This little blog here is the only one that with mostly stuff I've written... and how many readers do I have here? Let's get real! What... two? three? And who are they, Bob? Gracie? Maybe Daniel? And do you guys come here because what I say is all that great? Because I make a difference in your life? I doubt it.

The rest of the people who visit this blog, come for the stuff I collected from someplace else. Don't believe me? Read the sidebar! So, if I disappear from the blogosphere, it won't be a great loss.. I might be missed for about.. oh I don't know... 20 seconds?

Anyway, this is turning into a rant... a poor me pit\ty party rant no less. And it's all because my "stuff" is up and running already. And what is that "stuff?" I talked about it in a round about way when I posted all that Caroline Myss stuff, and here it is the short form.

I've spent most of my life deriving my "power" my "self esteem" my "feel good" energy and my "worthiness" from the deep inner knowing that in order to be OK, I have to be needed and appreciated. If I'm approved of too, well, that's even better. By doing all this blogging, and having subscribers, and readers, and upwards of 3600+ people a day (all total) reading what I've posted (I added it up) - well that gives me a definite feeling of being needed and appreciated.

No wonder I'm not feeling authentic. I'm getting all my kudos, all my pats on the back, all my feel good energy for stuff OTHER PEOPLE did. It might be really good for me to pull that plug!

I don't know.
We'll see.