Thursday, August 7, 2008

It Might Be Goodbye

bekliyorum_by_pakpao

Ok... well, here's the thing.

Being the Gypsy Witch that I am, I have been content to break rules and fly by the seat of my pants where the picture blogs are concerned. I try not to post anything that isn't pretty much posted every where else already.

But... I have apparently tweaked someone's inflated sense of being a busy body, and it's possible that my Flickr account will get deleted unless I pull all the pictures that aren't mine real soon. Like maybe even tomorrow. This doesn't give me very many choices. I could scramble and lose sleep and move all 2000 pictures to other sites where the admin isn't so prickly. That part wouldn't be so bad... it's rewriting all those blog posts... I can't even imagine how long that would take!!

OR ... I could just give the whole situation over to the Red Jesus, and then if the Flickr account goes by by, I could simply delete all the blogs.

Well, I wouldn't HAVE to delete all of them, I could probably keep a few of them afloat if most of the images suddenly go away, but the picture blogs are toast if that happens. I'd have to really scramble to take care of a disaster of those proportions. And maybe it wouldn't be worth it...

I don't know if I'd have the heart for blogging if I became a Flickr pariah... outcast... persona non grata... WOW! That would get my "issues" and my "stuff" in an uproar. Big time.

Interestingly, just the other day, during my morning meditation, I had a thought that maybe the blogging and the internet is taking up too much of my time and energy. Time and energy that I could be using to actually dig really deep and begin to live shamanism... and art... and magic.

So, if I suddenly disappear from the blogosphere. Maybe even from the web. Vanish into thin air... you'll know. I threw up my hands and said... I don't know what... Aarrgghhhh is probably what it might sound like.

I wonder will you miss me?
Or would you even notice I was gone?

Which brings up why it is that I even like blogging... it's really actually kind of sick. Maybe even a little bit crazy. How?

What I love about the picture blogs is that they are POPULAR. (ergo: I'm popular)... which is really sad and sick when you weigh in the fact that the pictures I post aren't mine... and weren't even posted by me first. My so called "popularity" is derived solely by me hitching a ride on someone who is authentically popular and interesting. The same holds true for Mandala Madness, Gypsy Magic, Way Cool Quotes, and the Prosperity Project... people go there, they get inspired, they get uplifted, they have good experiences, maybe it even makes their day... but not from anything I actually wrote. NO it's from stuff I find that OTHER people write.

This little blog here is the only one that with mostly stuff I've written... and how many readers do I have here? Let's get real! What... two? three? And who are they, Bob? Gracie? Maybe Daniel? And do you guys come here because what I say is all that great? Because I make a difference in your life? I doubt it.

The rest of the people who visit this blog, come for the stuff I collected from someplace else. Don't believe me? Read the sidebar! So, if I disappear from the blogosphere, it won't be a great loss.. I might be missed for about.. oh I don't know... 20 seconds?

Anyway, this is turning into a rant... a poor me pit\ty party rant no less. And it's all because my "stuff" is up and running already. And what is that "stuff?" I talked about it in a round about way when I posted all that Caroline Myss stuff, and here it is the short form.

I've spent most of my life deriving my "power" my "self esteem" my "feel good" energy and my "worthiness" from the deep inner knowing that in order to be OK, I have to be needed and appreciated. If I'm approved of too, well, that's even better. By doing all this blogging, and having subscribers, and readers, and upwards of 3600+ people a day (all total) reading what I've posted (I added it up) - well that gives me a definite feeling of being needed and appreciated.

No wonder I'm not feeling authentic. I'm getting all my kudos, all my pats on the back, all my feel good energy for stuff OTHER PEOPLE did. It might be really good for me to pull that plug!

I don't know.
We'll see.

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11 Comments:

Anonymous said...

I enjoy your artistic creations. You are acting as an editor of the web. That is no small feat. Hope you can find a way around this.

anon

Anonymous said...

It's in human nature to want to be accepted by others. But I think this latest blow is a real clear signal from the universe to go back to your own Source and generate from YOUR center. This self-esteem stuff is the ego trying to take center stage, get all the warm fuzzies and distract you from your purpose. Send your ego outside and get down to business! :)

shirley said...

Thank you both for commenting on my current trauma drama. I appreciate the thought of me being a sort of "editor" on the internet. And thank you "anon" for being kind.

As for my second anonymous commenter. Probably you are right. The problem, the issues, the angst, and all the "shit" reside in that place of not knowing for sure where my center really is. And right now, my life appears to have no focus and no meaning, and I'm just out there spinning most of the time anyway...

As for my ego, right now today, I'm wondering if and sometimes even believing that my ego is all there is to me... take that away and all you have is ... well ... nothing.

So...

I did appreciate your comments really a lot. Maybe I'll even stop freaking out here pretty soon.

Bob Johnson said...

I'd miss you a lot, I think because we are on the same wave length, you are very funny and unique, I to am re-thinking about the need for my blog as well, even though only 2 posts a week it is consuming my life, and for what? having said that, I have meet people like you because of it so who knows, now as far as your pics go, did somebody go to Flickr about their pics being on the site without their permission? how come all of a sudden? oh and don't just fall of the bolgosphere without letting me know, maybe we'll jump together,lol

shirley said...

Hi Bob...
I'd really hate for you to leave the blogosphere - it means a lot to me to have a place to go and look beyond my small petty concerns and see the sky and the bigger picture. And I do understand about the time consuming thing... time away from family... I don't know the answers there.

As for the Flickr deal - what happened was that someone left me several comments quoting verbatim a clause in the terms of use agreement that states unequivocally that you cannot use your flickr account primarily to post other peoples pictures - I have only ever uploaded pictures to that account that I either have permission to use, or that are in the public domain - that's not the issue... the issue is that they don't want their service to be used for websites like mine - photo blogs and picture sites ...

So... I don't know who the person was who was leaving comments, they have a flickr account that is either empty of any images or information, or they have it set on private. I thought about sending them a "fuck you" email, but my better self over ruled me so I didn't. My assumption was that they either had, or were going to report me.

After getting the comments, I went and actually read the terms of use and discovered a few other things that I hadn't realized, for example:

They don't allow people to use flickr to post images for online stores. If you have a website and you sell mosaics, for example, it is against the rules to use flickr to house those images. It's even against the rules to say that a particular item is "for sale" or a "sold".

So, I thought, ok... I wonder if they actually enforce these rules... and I went to the forums and discovered that yes they do. Particularly if you are using your images to fuel a store. I didn't see anything posted about what I've been doing, what I did see were lots of disclaimers like this "I only posted my own photos... (followed by a lengthy rant on the unfairness of it all)" So, I'm assuming that it's a known and accepted fact that accounts are deleted all the time for posting other peoples stuff. That it's a no brainer that my flickr account is breaking the rules big time...

So...

I still haven't decided what to do. And I will probably keep the Gypsy Magic blog and this one. I'm not sure of the others. Possibly they are all on death row. I would for sure let you know... and I really appreciate you.

Bob Johnson said...

Don't you just hate it when you can't send a fuck you email?,lol. that is weird that they would say something after all this time, is there any hope of a grand father clause, keeping what you have now and just posting your own images? and are their other picture posting blogs like photobucket that will allow you to do what you do? I appreciate your personal blog more anyways it's real and it's you.

I got into blogging to share with people the wonders of the universe but am finding that it is more work then I initially thought, but who knows may stick around for a while. I know you and a few others really appreciate what I do, I'm finding that what I think is one of my better posts is getting less traffic then what I think it should, which means I am not knowing what the people really want, which is a problem,I supposed if I knew what they want and then did it, it wouldn't be me, gonna have to add some key words like Paris Hilton and Brad Pitt to some of my posts to keep the traffic up,lol.

shirley said...

Hey Bob... yes... I think a person could probably make a ton of money sending those "fuck you" emails to people in such a way that they don't end up in the bulk mail or the spam folder! LOL!

As for the Flickr problem - yes, I could upload those images to slide, or zooomr, or imagebam, or any number of other photo sharing sites that are less particular and less vigilant. And I could do just that. Why I'm not going to is going to be the subject of my next post. Stay tuned... I expect to write it tomorrow.

I really appreciated what you said about how you appreciate my personal blog more... because it's real and it's me... thank you for that. And I do think I'm going to keep this one alive. I might change the template and the look... right now today, I have the idea that it's NOT on the chopping block.

As for Black Holes and Astrostuff... here's my advice for what it's worth. Post what YOU are interested in, post what YOU want to say... pay no attention at all to traffic and stats. It will even out. Build it and they will come. I firmly believe this to be true. Look at the prosperity project - not advertised, not monetized, not promoted in any way - In one year I had finally accumulated a total of 6 subscribers... suddenly it just blossomed... I don't know what happened... within 6 months we went from 6 to (as of yesterday) 83 subscribers!! Where did those people come from? I don't know. It kills me to have to pull the rug out from under them when I discontinue the project. I'm angsting big time over that. OMG I might disappoint someone!! One of my worst nightmares!

More unsolicited advice: If you fall into the trap of making your blog into what OTHER people MIGHT want, you're taking on all kinds of stress, and losing little bits of your self along the way.

Your power lies in who you are - not in who other people want you to be. Don't give yourself away.

OK... that's my sermon for the week. What can I say, my dad is a preacher - it's genetic.

On the other hand, if you WANT to bring in traffic... put something up like... oh I don't know... The Giant Penis Nebula! LOL! I do have a picture of one that looks like a giant penis... I'll post it on more cool pictures tomorrow, right before I put it to sleep, and I'll send you the link to the image if you want to use it.

Seriously, let the stats go, and just keep on sharing the wonders of the universe in whatever way makes YOU feel good. Your readers are loyal and vocal... we love you... and that counts for something!

Daniel said...

As a member of the Shirley TwoFeathers fan club I would miss reading this blog. Even though we talk in person and on the phone sometimes, okay a lot of times, you write stuff and post stuff here that you are either distilling or have distilled and it is like a secondary source for what is going on with you and your life. And I think personally you would miss it as a place to store these thoughts and feelings. Keeping them orgainized till you are ready to do something with them.

Bob Johnson said...

The Giant Penis Nebula,lol, let me guess is it in the Eagle nebula, I always thought it looked like one.

Two Feathers said...

I'll post it for you here in a day or two. See what you think. Maybe you could have fun with it.

Two Feathers said...

Oh, and Daniel - I love you. And thank you. This does seem to be a sort of "book of shadows" for me, and I do expect that I'll keep it.

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