So here it is!

I really want to post something definitive about WHY I would suddenly let go of blogs that I love, blogs with subscribers, blogs with readers, blogs with traffic, and blogs that are actually bringing in some money. Yes, the Flickr thing was a problem, but it wasn't the end of the world. So what was it really that pushed me into making such a drastic move? Didn't I, just the other day, talk about how I love my blogs, and blogging so much that it's FIRST on my list of stuff I would be willing to sacrifice and suffer for?

The only way to really explain it is to get all the Morning Meditations up to date, which is what I've been working on. And as I transcribe them, I realize that maybe the best way is to just share the journey. I invite you to follow the links and go see for yourself.

From the moment I decided to "be Aragorn" it was probably a done deal. Would Aragorn be sitting at home blogging other people's pictures until 3am? I don't think so.

And tonight when I reread that first morning meditation, "Counting Coup," I thought to myself... OK there it was... the first call to action.

Then there were the Snake Racers. I got that same page I don't know how many times. My mind was just racing and racing... this and that... bla bla bla... bla bla bla... I'd get on the internet and surf and blog and read this and post that and I'm just zinging from one thing to another... I even remember a conversation with Daniel about how I thought that all the time I spent on the internet might be interfering with my ability to concentrate and to focus... like it was giving me ADD or something.

So, when I got the "Talking is for Later" message, why wasn't that a clue? Wasn't that a clue that maybe I was spending way too much time talking about stuff and not enough time actually doing anything?

And there were numerous gentle hints like "taking care," A Mystery, and "do what's in here." Then, since I still wasn't taking any real action, it became more pointed. I was told to "pay attention," and I did. I even went so far as to read Caroline Myss which gave me one of those "light bulb moments" where you suddenly realize OH!

And my big OH! was that I have spent most of my life giving my power away. Selling my soul for the approval of others. If I'm not needed and appreciated - then I'm nothing. Nothing at all, and I might as well just throw myself in front of a truck!

I decided to stop being a coward, and reclaim my power. Well... that's easier said than done! And I really didn't have a clue how to go about actually doing it. That a commitment of some kind was going to be required became clear. I was told that life was to live in, not to live under, and the very next day I learned that I was going to be doing something big and the day after that my stuff was all lined up and ready to go, a nice old man counseled me not to give my power away, and encouraged to really think about what I was doing.

And still I was clueless. I knew something was going to have to give... especially when the idea cemetery came up. But I was cheerfully in total denial of just WHAT that something was going to be. All the while, uploading posts on the Hanged Man and suffering and sacrifice ...

For a smart person, I can be really really dense!

And as I'm writing this post, I am amazed at how my morning meditations dovetailed so perfectly with what I was building up to. So now that the kicking, screaming, and crying seems to be mostly over, I'm finding a tiny bit of peace with the idea that the structures I built will crumble to dust, and I'm ready to begin the work of letting it all go.

So, there you have it!