Monday, August 4, 2008

Wrong Jobs!

Well, if you read yesterday's post, you'll know I was looking at for a job that I'd be willing to suffer for. But nothing came up! I did however (surprisingly) find a bunch of jobs. Ok, yeah, I put in a search for anything anywhere... But I was surprised at how many jobs there appear to be all across America. So, I figured it might be good to rule out some stuff. That way I wouldn't be tempted to take the WRONG job were it offered to me, like this one for example:

This, much longer list, details the jobs that I would be more than willing to suffer in order NOT to have to do them. It's a much longer list, so please bear with me. And if I'm torturing you with this excruciatingly long post, maybe you might want to take some time and think about what it is that you are trying to achieve with your suffering... how it serves you... and when the "Gods" take pity on you how cool that will be... OK?

So here goes:

  1. Plumber: We know this is true because I once went for 3 months without water in the dead of winter just so that I wouldn't have to crawl around under the trailer and fix the pipe that froze and broke. And even now, I have two faucets that haven't worked for OVER A YEAR because I don't want to fiddle around with fixing them. I'd rather suffer than do that job - it's obvious!

  2. Appliance Repair: We know this is true because I lived with out a washer and a dryer for over 6 months all because I didn't want to take the dryer apart and vacuum and clean it, and because I didn't want to replace a $60 part on the washing machine, and we all know what happened just the other day when I almost became a nudist. I totally hate appliance repair and am perfectly content to suffer and maybe even die before I have to fix another one!

  3. Car Mechanic: Well, I flat out refuse to even know anything at all about how to fix my car. I remember once, years ago, my ex husband decided that I needed to know how to check the fluid levels in our aging van. He must have showed me how to do it 10 or 15 times - I never could remember which thingy was which, and if it needed oil, I was clueless as to where to put it. I was willing to be a "helpless female" AND "stupid" AND dependent on Mike Janner's good graces... yes... I suffered!

  4. House Cleaner: I'd rather live in filth, I'd rather pay someone else, I'd almost rather move than do the deep cleaning in my house. Yes, I do periodically do it, like once a year... well... no that's not true. I'm always paying someone else to do it.. I haven't actually personally scoured my house clean for years and years. Looks like my dream of cleaning houses for money has bit the dust - literally!

  5. Dish Washer: OK... so you know it's bad when I'd rather eat cereal out of a cast iron skillet than wash a bowl to put it in... and I have a dishwasher, and it works, but I have to be totally out of clean dishes, and I mean totally, before I'll load that sucker and turn it on.

  6. Accountant: Crunching numbers - it's like fingernails on a chalkboard. All that tidy nit picky attention to detail. Bleah! I can nit pick and obsess for hours over a mosaic, or a blog page, but numbers? No way! I don't even write the amounts in my check book when I write checks. I haven't balanced my check book in more than 6 years. I have automatic deposit, online bill pay, and then I just cross my fingers and hope for the best.

  7. Sales Person: I can't even sell my own art - stuff I love - much less anything else. My thought is, "If you really need it, here have it. If you can't afford it - don't buy it." when I was doing dog training classes, I was constantly doing free extra sessions with people who were struggling. I gave free advice over the phone al the time. I tried to talk people OUT of boarding training (my bread and butter). No, I'd rather be broke and over worked than sell somebody something.

  8. Stripper: Ok - NO! I don't even look at myself naked. I avoid public swimming pools like the plague because I don't want any one to see me in a bathing suit - plus, who'd even WANT to see me strip. They'd probably run screaming into the night looking for acid to wash their eyeballs out with. I'm not kidding you. I think it would be that bad! I think I'd jump at the chance to work at numbers 1 thru 7 if it meant I could avoid doing this!

So... I think I'm making good progress. I know what I want, I know what I don't want... so now what?

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Bob Johnson said...

Lol, I hear ya, the older I get the less jobs I'd do, except Rock Star, that'd be cool.

Blogger said...

I have just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers strip-teasing on my taskbar.

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