Shirley TwoFeathers

Saturday, June 13, 2009

I probably shouldn't have done this, but...

So, I'm researching for a post on the Prosperity Project about the word "should" and what does it mean, and how do I use it to beat myself up, and is the use of the word itself an energy drain, or is it the way I interperet the word what causes me to feel exhausted whenever I hear it, and I stumbled into this astonishing list of links, and I'm thinking - OMG - I should NOT have done that! Now I'll have to visit every one of them so that I won't be a loser or old or something!

DISCLAIMER:
Some of the places you may end up at are... well... not G rated! This list is not for the faint of heart, or the easily offended, and might not be suitable for young children.

Greg Rutter's Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old or Something

(In No Particular Order)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I'd love to stay and chat...

... but you're a total bitch.

One Can of Camo Silver Ice 24 High Gravity Lager Beer xxXxx and....

Recently my sister sent me an email that really hurt my feelings and threw me into a large funk. As a result, I've had a couple of really interesting "aha!" moments which I'd like to share with you today, however, I decided to try a can of Camo Silver Ice 24 High Gravity Lager Beer xxXxx... and yowsers! Did I get a buzz off of that!!

So, here I am not quite in my "right" mind, obsessing over the sister thing, and finding it impossible NOT to post her email on the internet. It does seem kind of mean, and petty to put it on the world wide web, and I DO have SOME sense of right and wrong, so... I'm going to post it in Russian... or maybe Norwegian... I dunno... I forgot which it is... like I said, the High Gravity Lager has given me a gravely serious buzz.

Anyway... here's the offending email, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed posting it!

De sier at når du starter til å avsløre din betinger det er gode nyheter og det er dårlig nyheter. De gode nyhetene er at din betinger avslører og de dårlige nyhetene er at din betinger avslører. Hva skjedde i går var om meg, ikke om du. Bunnlinje er jeg har hatt en fysisk reaksjon til noe motstand som jeg
hører i din stemme da jeg kan huske ; jeg må forbinde det hva jeg bevisstløst oppfattet har med til å være din longstanding, irreperable motstand TIL MEG.

Eller gjorde jeg har noe ide akkurat hvor mye jeg hadde internalized belastningen av. Hva du sier eller hvordan du sier det ikke punktet er. Hva er punktet er at jeg har på en eller annen måte, uten forethought, enighet, articulation, verdighet eller selv rasjonell tro, nådde min grense for supressing som jeg virkelig er. Jeg har hatt et falskt forhold med deg siden for evig, bestå av en stor byrde av forventningen som du en dag hører på meg og

hører meg - virkelig hører meg. Og som la et barn som jeg også tilpasset oppførsel liker til å unngå konflikt med deg, deg har det siste ordet, holder min tunge, supressing mine følelser, som forandrer min sann mening til å passe din, og er fullstendig passiv og selv beskyttende fordi jeg har ikke stolt på du til å være type til mine sårbarheter. Dyp enn det, jeg har ikke stolt på meg selv til å være type til mine egene sårbarheter og jeg har virkelig vært meget

grusom til meg selv. Jeg lekte aldri et spill med deg at jeg ikke enten har latt deg vinner eller vinner selv bevisst slik at du ikke ville tro at jeg akkurat lot deg hvert spill vinner. Når jeg ble trettet av blir skremt av din misbilligelse jeg enkelt ville unngå deg alt i alt. Jeg tilpasset meg også ved til å den PRØVE kjøpe din hengivenhet, som i løpet åretet gir du mange av mine skatter til å bare finne de var mest meningsløs til deg. Dette har fortsatt, jeg

nå ser slik tydelig, i praktisk gi bort mitt kunsthåndverk og anbringe meget lav verdi på mine «skatter», er det en roman, et arbeid, min tid, eller selv en realisere. Ahas er kommet i avalanche deler og som jeg tilstår i går jeg filtet komplett begravd i sorg og steinflisen av en lammende barndom. Om jeg liker det eller ikke det er all brutt nå, derfor jeg nå kan være klar. Jeg er vokst opp nok nå til å være min egen søster, kan meg høre jeg, kan jeg stole på meg selv

med mine sårbarheter (kan meg spesielt denne som har vært slik hard for meg til å lage fred med), jeg gi verdsetter, jeg kan tjene min egen godkjenning, jeg kan verdsette og kan vurdere mitt arbeid, min åndelig praksis, min tid, mitt liv, og jeg kan nå til slutt endelig motstå stans Meg selv. Det er sant uheldig at dette kunne ikke komme ut mer ordentlig og uten til å involvere din følelser. Jeg antar det kom ut nøyaktig som en seks eller et åtte år-gammel ville komme ut med

noe som har ødelagt henne - plutselig, vanskelig og meget malplassert uttrykt til punktet til å være unintelligable. Jeg vil ikke for alt verdenen behovet du til å gjøre nå hva jeg har gjort for mest av mitt liv - redigerer en samtale med din søster. Tro og føl seg uansett hva du vil ; sier hva du vil når du sier det, motstår hva du motstår, selv om det er meg og alle tingene som jeg elsker, identifiserer med og representerer. Jeg ville ikke ville deg noe annen måte enn

måten som du virkelig er. Jeg vil meg noe annen måte enn måten ikke som jeg virkelig er. Det er ekstremt uheldig at «du» er floket dem opp i denne bemerkelsesverdige driftstanset av en av mitt grunnlag konstruerer. Til slutt, ja er det kunner som en projeksjon og jeg ber du ikke tar det personlig, som ved lyden av din post, har du. Dette er det del at lager meg meget, meget trist. Kanskje nå kan jeg være autentisk og en bedre venn til deg. Jeg håper slik.

There, I feel much better... don't you? Oh, and by the way, it's English to Russian to Norwegian... in case you're wondering... I just wanted to be sure that I didn't do anything too mean... like post it in English and send it to all of her friends... although I'm feeling just childish enough to do something that shitty.

And, not that I'm still angry or anything... but I posted a shitload of quotes by the Marquis de Sade at Way Cool Quotes, and here is a cool list of 111 insults, plus this by Groucho Marx, and oh wait... Golden Books that never got published, I wonder why. And just to prove that I'm as enlightened as anyone else, here are some Words to Live By.

So, I'll just call it a night with this message from Stewie.

Words To Live By

In case you need some good advice, maybe some words to live by, here's a great list! All true and very inspirational I'm sure.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Little Golden Books That Never Made It

It's hard to get a book published these days... here's a list of Little Golden Books that never made it... I wonder why!

You Are Different and That’s Bad
Dad’s New Wife Steve
Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
All Cats Go to Hell
The Little Sissy Who Snitched
Some Kittens Can Fly
Strangers Have the Best Candy
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Veggies
Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

Love this one!

“I married your mother because I wanted children,
imagine my disappointment when you came along.”

- Groucho Marx

111 Insults

It's a definitive list. No excuse now for not coming up with a really good jab when someone pisses you off.

If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t.
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.
Are your parents siblings?
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

More cool stuff can be found at my new website: Hey It's Me

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?
Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?
Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It’ll only take 10 seconds.
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!
He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
He’s not stupid; he’s possessed by a retarded ghost.
Here’s 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.
I bet your mother has a loud bark!
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I don’t consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I don’t think you are a fool. But then what’s MY opinion against thousands of others?
I hear the only place you’re ever invited is outside.
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
I know you are nobody’s fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
I would ask you how old you are but I know you can’t count that high.
I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I’d like to leave you with one thought…but I’m not sure you have anywhere to put it!
I’d love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I’ll never forget the first time we met - although I’ll keep trying.
I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
If I ever need a brain transplant, I’d choose yours because I’d want a brain that had never been used.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!
If what you don’t know can’t hurt you, she’s invulnerable.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
If your brain was chocolate it wouldn’t fill an M&M.
Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes - use birth control!
Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn’t.
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair.
I hear you pick your friends — to pieces!!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that’s all they’re good for.
People can’t say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they’re your equals.
wish you were all here. I don’t like to think there is more!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!
Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get.
I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I’m very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
I don’t hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I’ll think so.
Man alive! But I wish you weren’t.
I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.
You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn’t like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
We know that romance brings out the beast in you — the jackass.
I’m looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven’t had it yet.
There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that’s the only way they could.
I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I’ll arrange it with the undertaker.
People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.
Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, “Gentlemen.” Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.
All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don’t you send them a penny and square the account?
I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.
No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.
There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
Sit down and give your mind a rest.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.
Don't get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can’t take the credit.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Hi There!

Well I haven't posted here in a long time! Today, however, I found a really fun website with some pretty cool funny stuff that I wanted to post SOMEWHERE, and that somewhere has turned out to be here! So... for your enjoyment I present:

But wait! There's more! I also took a look at some of the posts that I'd written but never published, and decided to go ahead and get them online. You'll find them here:

And last, but not least, here's a link to a really cool website about space, and another one with pictures of Missouri Skies that I really liked since Missouri is where I live. Oh, and don't let me forget the FARQ's ... Frequently Asked Rhetorical Questions!

So... enjoy! Oh, and if you'd like to add a little drama to your day, you can always visit the Drama Button.

How many 5 year olds could you take on in a fight?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Check this out! According to the quiz, I could take on 15 five year olds in a fight! Pretty impressive, huh? How about you? How many could you take on?

A Memo From Howard Hughes

This is not a joke, just something that fell into my lap I must share. As far as I know it is a real, actual memo written by Howard Hughes at what appears to be the height of his OCD.

OPERATING MEMORANDUM

Subject: Proper operating procedure for Bungalow 1 C Date October 13, 1958

There are certain areas within the Bungalow 1 C area that have been set aside by Johnny Holmes for the storage of my personal things. There are also other areas that have been set aside for future use by Johnny and his people. These designated areas, which Johnny will mark clearly or designate verbally to all concerned, should be avoided by everyone outside of Johnny’s area of operation. I do not want anybody, under any circumstances, no matter what the emergency may be, to touch these areas or go anywhere near them. I do not want anyone to touch the telephone that Johnny uses, nor any of his equipment that he has put away in storage in the Bungalow or any of my things there, or anything connected with my things.

It is extremely important to me that nobody ever, under any circumstances, no matter what the emergency may be, no matter how extreme the emergency, no matter what pressures are put on, no matter how unusual the circumstances may be, goes into any room, closet, cabinet, drawer, or any other area which is either used by Johnny or indicated by Johnny to be reserved by him for my things in connection with my food operation or any other phase of my operation that Johnny takes care of. I want to make sure that nobody opens any doors to any rooms, closets, cabinets, drawers or in any way, touches any portion of these areas.

I say again, no matter how strong the emergency may be, no matter how extreme the emergency may be, no matter how unusual the circumstances may be, no matter how extreme the emergency, it is extremely important to me that nobody - nobody ever, ever goes into any room, closet, cabinet, drawer, bathroom, which is either used by Johnny or indicated by Johnny to be reserved for him, or which is used to store any of the things used in connection with my food, magazines or anything that is used for me.

I say once more, no matter, no matter what the emergency, no matter how extreme the emergency, no matter how unusual the circumstances, it is extremely important to me; I say once more, no matter how extreme the emergency, no matter how unusual the circumstances may be, no matter what may have arisen, it is extremely important to me that nobody ever goes into any room, closet, cabinet, drawer, bathroom or any other area used to store any of the things which are for me - either food, equipment, magazines, paper supplies, Kleenex - no matter what. And, it is also extremely important to me that no matter what the emergency, no matter how unusual the circumstances, no matter what may have come up, no matter what kind of emergency, it is also equally important to me that nobody ever goes into any room or bathroom or any other area which Johnny has indicated is to be reserved to him only, and it is also equally important that nobody ever touches my telephone or piece of furniture or any fixture or anything of that kind which Johnny has indicated is reserved for him.

Instructions should be given for the operators so that they are not allowed to put calls through there into Johnny’s telephone - which is Bung. I C - so that nobody calls there. Sometimes it rings and the third man has to stall around getting through to the operator to have it switched. Something should be done so the other phone is the one that rings - do you have that kind of deal? I don’t want the third man using that phone, and when it rings it’s a temptation for him to pick it up.

I want you to get the third man on the phone and give him all these Instructions and be awfully, awfully sure when you are talking to him, be sure, be certain, be absolutely positive when you are talking to your third man today or any other time, be sure that he is not using Johnny’s phone, that he is not in a room reserved for Johnny and that he is not in a room used to store any of my things. This is awfully, awfully important to me. I want you to be sure, awfully sure, be certain, be positive that nobody goes into any room or cabinet or closet that is used to store any things in connection with my operation. This is equally important to me - it is equally important to me that nobody ever opens any door or opening to any room, cabinet or closet or anything used to store any of my things, even for one-thousandth of an inch for one-thousandth of a second. This applies even when he does not go in, you understand, even if the man does not enter, it is equally important to me that nobody ever opens the door or the drawer even for a fraction of an inch for a fraction of a second - any drawer, closet, or room, you understand - that is used to store any of my things, whether they be stored or just sitting there, because I don’t want the possibility of dust or insects or anything of that nature entering. I want every thing I have indicated here to be followed to the letter.

I want everything I have said here to be clearly gone over, reviewed, and repeated to everyone concerned. Maybe it ought to be written up - typewritten - and given to the men out in Bungalow 1 C. In fact, I think it not only should be written up and handed to them, but they should commit it to memory and repeat it back to you (Kay) so that you are convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they have it down thoroughly.

Until further orders from me, I want nobody ever to set foot in that Bungalow (1 C) or any of those rooms we have anywhere near the Bungalow excepting only Johnny Holmes, and the two waiters - Karl and Charlie - and the number three men and Harvey. This instruction includes Roy, Harris and George.

Everything I Know About Life I Learned From My Cock

When you’re up, everyone needs to hear about it
Don’t let anyone tell you where you can and can’t pee
Fuck everything
Every once in a while, you may have to eat some shit
Don’t get near any other cocks, and don’t let them get near you
It doesn’t matter how big you are, just how loud you are
Know the pecking order
They want you, they all want you, you know they want you
Just because nobody’s listening, it’s no reason to shut up
The only thing you have to know about sex is “yes”
Subtlety gets you nowhere
Brains are overrated
Everywhere you look, there’s something edible

Extreme LED Sheep Art

As some of you know, I have sheep, and I thought this was pretty nifty!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Not Everything Is Pretty

"Not everything in the All is pretty to our current focus. Also, there are parts of us who resist moving forward and these parts will oppose us, possibly violently. Because we can't quite cope with the thought of opposing ourselves, we make the "opposition" into an outside force. Sometimes this gets downright ugly and even more difficult to own.

Most of us love drama, action and adventure. Therefore we create it in our lives in one way or another. Believing that we do this is often a hard pill to swallow. The power this "other" has over us is really our belief in an "outside force".....our denial of who we are, and a denial of our power.

~Myrddyn (Alaska), Club Recon Moderator

Thursday, November 27, 2008

How was your Thanksgiving?

Here's a cute little Thanksgiving day story. And no, it didn't happen to me. Someone I know shared it with me, and now I'm sharing it with you. Isn't that nice?

Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.

I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven.

It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and PINK. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.

He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk.

He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.

My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.

Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.

Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine.

I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house.

Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part.

The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel.

I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the
poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tri-color. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.

It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'

And how was your day?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

This is a day of change!

Ice mountain melted
ages ago
and made this ridge,
this place of changes.

Now we are rooted in it,
we of the old ones,
we of the new ones from afar,
oat grass meadow, Douglas fir thicket,
we are rooted in the ridge of changes in the time of changes.

The winds carry strange smells, this is a day of change.

Great ones above and below, bless us!
O shining One above, feed us with your light!
O soft ones, sky darkeners, wash us with your raindrops!
O powers above us, bless us with your gifts,
for we reach up to you,
branching wood and sap.

O Earthmother from whom we grow,
sandy gravel into whom our roots branch wood and sap deep down,
bless us in our night-sleep, in our death and decay.

Bless us, dark earth as we give back
that which we have received
as we make a forest of blessing a ridge of blessings
for the future to grow upon.

~Chinook Psalter

Monday, November 3, 2008

Just because

Just because you can't see something, it doesn't mean it isn't there... I talked about that earlier when I posted those pictures of that cute little flying lizard. And I'm thinking it's one of those universal truths.

For example... just because I haven't posted here for a while, doesn't mean I'm not here. And just because I haven't actually seen a fairy with my eyes doesn't mean they don't live in my field, and just because I don't know where the money is going to come from to pay for a massage, it doesn't mean I won't get one (Actually I got one today! A christmas present from my boss - cool, huh?). And just because I can't see my little dog, it doesn't mean that she isn't here in Spirit... in my heart... The walls of my house remember her... the floors do too... it "feels" as if she must be here somewhere, sound asleep...

So... that's my thought for today. They say that "seeing is believing" and I used to buy into that one big time. But now? I'm not so sure... seeing - not seeing - I can still believe.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

My Recent News

My little dog Cinnamin died yesterday. She had been doing so well, and then one day she somehow poked her eye - probably on some stiff field grass - and had to have eye surgery for a corneal abrasion. It was just too much for her to handle... the underlying issues of cancer, kidney disease, and arthritis.... the pain of the surgery, not being able to see while her eye was healing, the stress of the surgery itself, the anesthesia, and the nausea caused by the antibiotics.

She hung around for almost a week, saying her goodby, and then she was gone...

I cannot believe that the sun had the gall to come up this morning, that the leaves and the grasses sparkle in the afternoon light, that birds still sing, or that life will march relentlessly on... and yet it is so.

If I were not surrounded by friends and family who love me and are taking care of me, I might not have the courage to be here now today. So, be kind... be kind to everyone you meet, we all suffer... we all lose those we love... if not sooner - than later... we are all fighting a great fight. The little kindesses make all the difference. And it's good to have friends, even in hell!

Here is a picture of her little sweet self... and an awesome poem to go with it.
Blessings,
Shirley

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the
wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is to cease breathing, but to free the
breath from its restless tides, that it may rise

and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence

shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountaintop,

then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs,

then shall you truly dance.

~Kahlil Gibran
From The Prophet on Death

Friday, October 10, 2008

Being Unhappy

"According to Buddhism, your unhappiness is never really caused by circumstances. The real cause of unhappiness is your belief that your happiness is caused by circumstances.

You do not have to accomplish or acquire or earn anything to experience peace, love, and joy now. You do not have to "make" your own happiness all you have to do is to stop making yourself unhappy and to remember your own deepest truth as a being of Spirit.

Does this mean that we simply give up all of our desires and dreams? No, because it's not the goals and dreams that are the problem, but rather how we understand and live toward them. Going for your dreams can be an intrinsic part of the joy and passion of your life and can be how you concretely express the love and joy that are your truth. But as soon as you (choose to) believe that your happiness is dependent on a certain outcome, or that "things" have to change for you to be happy, then you are living in fear. You are no longer expressing your joy, but are desperately trying to achieve or earn it."

~ William R. Yoder Ph.D., D.C. ~

I am a lonely painter

"I am a lonely painter. I live in a box of paints. I'm frightened by the Devil And I am drawn to those who a'int..."

~Joni Mitchell

Monkey Mind

"In this age of skepticism, we are skeptical about everything except the skepticism itself. We have put all our faith in skepticism and doubt all else. Is it a wise course of action? Is there a truth out there? Our mind doubts everything except its own capability to find the truth. We have put all our faith in our limited and doubting mind and doubt that there is anything greater than our limited power of intellect.

Are we than any better than a common beast of burden? Even a dog has put its full faith in its limited mind and in its ignorance; it thinks it’s a top of creation. That’s why it remains to be a dog!

In India, they catch monkeys by putting few seeds in a pitcher with a narrow neck, while monkey is watching. As soon as no one is around, monkey darts and grabs the seeds in a pitcher but now with a clenched fist it cannot get hand out of a pitcher. It will not let go because its mind will not let him.

This is what mind does – it plants the seed of doubt through its endless analyzing, fragmenting and splintering of the simple truth, while in all its wisdom it remains completely oblivious of its own limitations. It’s a great mistake to think that mind is the top of evolution because it is not. The soul is! Without soul, the mind would be a dead piece of matter."

~ Daniel Srsa

Monday, October 6, 2008

Invisiblility - It is possible!

Belive it or not, there is a lizard on the trunk of this tree.
Can you see him?
He really is there!
Don't believe me?

Here's a picture of him in profile - on that same tree.
Give up?
Need a hint? Click here to see the lizard marked out in the bark.

Here's more about this intriguing little lizard.

These small lizards live in trees and are masters of Camouflage. If they are sitting on a bark without moving, its almost impossible to find them. On land they are clumsy and easy victims for predators. When scared, they run up a tree.

When threatened, they leap off the tree. With their "wings" stretched out, these long-tailed, lightly built lizards glide gracefully. The wings act like parachutes. They gently land on another tree, head up. When they land, they run up the tree, getting ready for their next flight.

During mating season, male flying lizards defend their territories. They court females by displaying their bright yellow throat flap as shown in the photograph above. They have to, as they are well camouflaged otherwise.

Pretty cool, huh? Just goes to show that it IS possible to be invisible - and that just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Do You Believe in Fairies?

I posted the folowing question about a year ago over at question of the day. And I thought it would be fun to revisit it...

Fairies
Do you believe in fairies? If so, have you ever seen one? Why do you believe in them? If not, why not? And if there is no such thing as fairies, why are there so many stories about them?

We had 2 Comments:

Cindy H said...
Yes, I do believe in fairies! I don't think they are quite as common here in the midwest US, but there are some here. I haven't ever seen one up close and personal, but maybe someday I will! I think fairies are distant cousins, so to speak, of angels, leprachauns, and other magical beings. September 1, 2007 12:48 AM

shirley said...
I believe in fairies too. I have never seen one with my physical eyes - but I have talked to them... and they have talked to me... and I almost knew what they looked like.I had a friend who had fairies on her property and in her house. I spent a long afternoon there once, painting her woodwork. And they would come and talk to me... it was pretty cool. I didn't hear their voices with my ears - I heard them in my mind... the same way that you hear when you are remembering a conversation with someone... like that. They were very curious ... it was pretty cool. And I know how crazy this sounds!
September 1, 2007 2:48 AM

So here we are - a year later... what do YOU think? Have you ever seen a fairy? Are they for real? What do they look like? Are they big? or little? Do they have wings and fly around? Or are fairies a totally made up story? A complete fantasy? Come on guys... talk to me...

SEED Conference Sketchnotes

SEED Conference: Sketchnotes 17
Originally uploaded by Mike Rohde

Ok... so I found this really cool series of sketch notes... I uploaded the latest set at My Work at Home Job. If you are interested in stuff like this - go check it out.!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Truth About Brutus

The K9 Above is Brutus, a military K9 at McChord. He's huge - part Boxer and part British Bull Mastiff and tops the scales at 200 lbs. His handler took the picture. Brutus is running toward me because he knows I have some Milk Bone treats, so he's slobbering away! I had to duck around a tree just before he got to me in case he couldn't stop, but he did.

Brutus won the Congressional Medal of Honor last year from his tour in Iraq . His handler and four other soldiers were taken hostage by insurgents. Brutus and his handler communicate by sign language and he gave Brutus the signal that meant 'go away but come back and find me'. The Iraqis paid no attention to Brutus. He came back later and quietly tore the throat out of one guard at one door and another guard at another door. He then jumped against one of the doors repeatedly (the guys were being held in an old warehouse) until it opened. He went in and untied his handler and they all escaped. He's the first K9 to receive this honor.

If he knows you're ok, he's a big old lug and wants to sit in your lap. Enjoys the company of cats.

So that's the story that came with the picture. And I like that story! Too bad it isn't true. Here's the real story:

The dog's name is not Brutus; in fact, his name is 'Spike," and he was never a military working dog. Spike is a retired Police Service Dog who served honorably during the years 2001 to 2007 with the Scottsdale Police Department's K-9 Unit in Scottsdale, Arizona, under his handler, Officer Scott DiIullo (who is still with the K-9 Unit and working with a new K-9 partner).

Spike is a Belgian Malinois imported from Europe and weighs less than 100 pounds. Furthermore, police and military working dogs are NOT trained to fatally attack a subject they are deployed upon. Dogs used for handler protection are trained to bite and hold the subject until the subject is taken into custody. There is also no training method to teach a working dog to understand a hand signal to command the dog to leave the area, come back later, and then attack.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Did this really happen?

Ok... so in three days I aged considerably!! One day I was 23 years old, and next thing you know I'm 400!! Yowsers! How does shit like that happen?? All I did was walk through this door:

Then I took a dip in this pool:

Later, I put this thingy together:

And then, I played chess on this chess board:

Geez! No wonder I'm tired!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Ok... This is how old I am... Really!

How old are you?

You are over 400 years old!

You are from the highlands of Scotland. You are immortal. Accept your destiny.

Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

Friday, September 19, 2008

So... This is how old I am today!!

You Act Like You Are 23 Years Old

You are a twenty-something at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life.

You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up.

The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

What Age Do You Act?

Thursday, September 18, 2008

A Dalmatian On A Tricycle

That’s right, it is exactly what the title post indicates, a dalmatian operating a tricycle. How fun is that?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Update on my dog Cinnamin

My little dog is doing so much better - it's almost unbelievable. When she got sick - which was on Aug 23, she was dehydrated, disoriented, wobbly, weak, refusing food or water, and if you looked at her sideways she was likely to fall down.

Today she went for a swim in the pond, rolled on the grass to dry off, trecked into some pretty high grass trying to sniff out a rabbit, barked at and almost chased the sheep (she couldn't work up to an actual run), ate almost 2 cups of food, and didn't fall down once. We have been spending hours outside, walking around probably a total of 7 or 8 times a day.

I don't have the money to have her re-xrayed to see if the cancer is in remission, and I don't know if she is "cured" or just feeling good. I can tell you that she does not look at all like a sick dog. Yes, you can tell that she's elderly - she is 14 years old - and her knees do bother her some (two knee replacements), so there is a bit of stiffness - but all in all - she looks pretty darn good.

So, to what do I attribute her remarkable recovery? Here is a listing of her "treatment" program:

Reiki - pretty much all day long
Genesis Tuning Fork - I had to cut back on it because it really knocked her out when I used it, so I'm down to every 4 or 5 days or so. When I use it, I run it over her about 5 or 6 times. That thing is powerful!!
Radionics - I have a friend who does this cool thing using a piece of her hair. The day he started up on her I noticed a significant improvement in her energy level. I had never heard of it before, and it really does seem to work.
Angels and Devas - I have asked for assistance from her guardian angels, and the overlighting Deva of animal healing.
Shamanic Journey Work - I have journeyed with her more than once.
Animal Communication - Several people (I'm lucky to have such good friends) have talked to her about how she can be healthy if that's what she wants.
Prayer - Yes... she has been prayed for - a lot.
Love - very important, I've also practiced Ho' oponopono on her.
Time and Attention - spending quality time with her, giving her my full attention (but not in a worried hovering way) also seems to make a difference in how "with it" she is.
Releasing the outcome - she hovered at death's door until I managed to actually do this. The day that I told her she could go if she wanted to, that I would be fine if she did, and that it was entirely up to her.... that was the day she started to get better.
A Good Diet - she eats better than I do... seriously!
Pond Water - that first few days when she was barely eating a teaspoon of food at a time, the pond water was the only thing that kept her going. I have this (possibly superstitious) idea that there is healing life in that pond water.
The Will to Live - without this, she wouldn't be here now.
Prednisone - OK... well there's that too...

So, I'll keep you all posted. I do feel really encouraged, and am thinking that she is planning to stay with me at least for another several months. I'm going to try to get some video of her tomorrow - if I succeed, I'll upload it to YouTube and post it here. If the video idea falls apart, I'll at least try to get a picture uploaded soon.

Political Candidates I Support

Ok... I guess if I'm going to "get political" here at shirleytwofeathers, I might as well go all the way! What follows is a complete listing of all the candidates I am supporting wholeheartedly this election. LOL!!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Obama and the Palin Effect

This is what Deepak Chopra had to say about Obama and the Palin Effect. I thought it was really interesting! What do you think?

Sometimes politics has the uncanny effect of mirroring the national psyche even when nobody intended to do that. This is perfectly illustrated by the rousing effect that Gov. Sarah Palin had on the Republican convention in Minneapolis this week. On the surface, she outdoes former Vice President Dan Quayle as an unlikely choice, given her negligent parochial expertise in the complex affairs of governing. Her state of Alaska has less than 700,000 residents, which reduces the job of governor to the scale of running one-tenth of New York City. By comparison, Rudy Giuliani is a towering international figure. Palin's pluck has been admired, and her forthrightness, but her real appeal goes deeper.

She is the reverse of Barack Obama, in essence his shadow, deriding his idealism and exhorting people to obey their worst impulses. In psychological terms the shadow is that part of the psyche that hides out of sight, countering our aspirations, virtue, and vision with qualities we are ashamed to face: anger, fear, revenge, violence, selfishness, and suspicion of "the other." For millions of Americans, Obama triggers those feelings, but they don't want to express them. He is calling for us to reach for our higher selves, and frankly, that stirs up hidden reactions of an unsavory kind. (Just to be perfectly clear, I am not making a verbal play out of the fact that Sen. Obama is black. The shadow is a metaphor widely in use before his arrival on the scene.) I recognize that psychological analysis of politics is usually not welcome by the public, but I believe such a perspective can be helpful here to understand Palin's message. In her acceptance speech Gov. Palin sent a rousing call to those who want to celebrate their resistance to change and a higher vision.

Look at what she stands for:

Small town values -- a denial of America's global role, a return to petty, small-minded parochialism.

Ignorance of world affairs -- a repudiation of the need to repair America's image abroad

Family values -- a code for walling out anybody who makes a claim for social justice. Such strangers, being outside the family, don't need to be heeded.

Rigid stands on guns and abortion -- a scornful repudiation that these issues can be negotiated with those who disagree.

Patriotism -- the usual fallback in a failed war.

"Reform" -- an italicized term, since in addition to cleaning out corruption and excessive spending, one also throws out anyone who doesn't fit your ideology.

Palin reinforces the overall message of the reactionary right, which has been in play since 1980, that social justice is liberal-radical, that minorities and immigrants, being different from "us" pure American types, can be ignored, that progressivism takes too much effort and globalism is a foreign threat. The radical right marches under the banners of "I'm all right, Jack," and "Why change? Everything's OK as it is."

The irony, of course, is that Gov. Palin is a woman and a reactionary at the same time. She can add mom to apple pie on her resume, while blithely reversing forty years of feminist progress. The irony is superficial; there are millions of women who stand on the side of conservatism, however obviously they are voting against their own good. The Republicans have won multiple national elections by raising shadow issues based on fear, rejection, hostility to change, and narrow-mindedness.

Obama's call for higher ideals in politics can't be seen in a vacuum. The shadow is real; it was bound to respond. Not just conservatives possess a shadow -- we all do. So what comes next is a contest between the two forces of progress and inertia. Will the shadow win again, or has its furtive appeal become exhausted? No one can predict. The best thing about Gov. Palin is that she brought this conflict to light, which makes the upcoming debate honest. It would be a shame to elect another Reagan, whose smiling persona was a stalking horse for the reactionary forces that have brought us to the demoralized state we are in. We deserve to see what we are getting, without disguise.

Source: DeepakChopra.com

Monday, September 8, 2008

She may die

The following quote is from that cool book, Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather. It really hit home for me. Enjoy!

She may die before morning. But I have
been with her for four years. Four years.
There is no way I could feel cheated if
I didn't have her for another day. I didn't
deserve her for one minute, God knows.

And I may die before morning.

What I must do is die now. I must
accept the justice of death and the
injustice of life. I have lived a good life-
longer than many, better than most. Tony
died when he was twenty, I have had
thirty-two years. I couldn't ask for
another day. What did I do to deserve
birth? It was a gift. I am me - that is a
miracle. I had no right to a single minute.
Some are given a single hour. And yet I
have had thirty-two years.

Few can choose when they will die. I
choose to accept death now. As of this
moment I give up my "right" to live.
And I give up my "right" to her life.

But it's morning. I have been given
another day. Another day to hear and read
and smell and walk and love and glory.
I am alive for another day.

I think of those who aren't.

~Hugh Prather

Home Made Dog Food

I've been making dog food for my little dog Cinnamin, and it occured to me that the recipe that I've been using might be helpful. I don't know that what I'm feeding her right now would be good for all dogs - but it got a thumbs up from my vet, and she looks pretty good (all things considered), so I'm going to stick my neck out and say that I do think this diet would be fine for any dog with renal disease and cancer.

Ingredients:

1 can white meat chicken (no salt added)
2 tablespoons condensed canned goat milk (I poured the entire can into an ice cube tray and froze it - then I dumped the cubes into a freezer bag. I'm assuming that 1/2 cube is equal to 2 tablespoons)
1 tablespoon wheat germ
3 heaping tbsp rice cereal for babies - more if needed

Here's how I put it together. I empty the can of chicken (including the liquid) into a 10 oz jar. I add the cube of goat milk, the wheat germ, and the rice cereal. Then I add just enough water to moisten the cereal but not so much that it's too soupy. If I happen to put too much water, I just add more cereal until it's the right consistency.

And that's it! She loves it. My dog weighs about 18 lbs and doesn't have much of an appetite, so if she eats the whole thing in one day - I'm really happy. This diet is high in protein, which isn't usually recommended for dogs with chronic kidney disease, but since she is in "hospice" the vet felt that it didn't matter.

Variations - substitutions - additions:

Substitute a can of salmon for the can of chicken.
Add cooked oatmeal, couscous, rice, or baked potato if you want to add bulk or carbs.
Add pieces of hard boiled egg.
My dog also really likes those little chicken sticks that you can find in the baby food section - they come in a bottle and look like little hot dogs.

Disclaimer:

I am not a vet - nor am I an expert in dog nutrition. This was the only thing I could get my dog to eat, and it's bad enough that she's dying of cancer. I didn't want her to starve to death at the same time. So, for those of you who want dog food recipes designed by a vet - specifically for dogs with chronic renal failure - stay tuned... there's more.