Your reverse ego

My sister mentioned this in a recent email... her reverse ego... what an intersting thought... my reverse ego holds your reverse ego in high esteem! They are so important and interesting... like the long shadows that follow you around in the early morning and late afternoon hours...

When you were a kid, did you ever try to get away from your shadow? I did. I can remember spending hours and hours of trying to figure out how to walk the world with NO shadow. I had this idea that it would make me Magical and Special if I could only find the right technique. What I eventually came up with was... walk only with other larger people (or in the shadow of larger moving objects) and stay just in the right spot so that only THEIR shadow was visible... lay flat and burrow through tall grass... only go outside on a cloudy day or at night...

LOL... that was fun... thanks for reminding me!!

Trauma Drama At The Rez

For the last couple of days, I have had a really stressful experience what with my air conditioner breaking down, and me having the idea that I can't afford to have it fixed and then running around like a crazy person trying to find a window unit so that my dogs don't cook while I'm at work, and being really tired, and sweaty, and freaked out... you get the picture... and it's not a pretty one... Oh, and did I mention the heavy duty sinus headache that accompanied all of this?

So, here's the story. I came home from a long afternoon of helping a friend of mine get ready for a garage sale, I'm tired, I'm sweaty, and I'm wishing I didn't have to go to work the next day. I get home, and the house is warm and sweaty too. Finally, I figured out that my central air just up and quit on me. So, here I am irritated as hell, washing my clothes in the sink because I don't have a washer or a dryer, and now I'm fucking HOT! I said to myself, a normal person would be crying right about now. But my little spartan boy wasn't going to tolerate any of that pitiful weakness shit, so I was pissy instead...

Three hours of sleep later, I hauled my still sweaty self out of bed and made some histrionic phone calls which resulted in a little window air conditioning unit that had seen better days, but was still functional. I did some more bitching, and got my son-in-law James to come over and help me get it out of the car. We wrestled it into place (sweating and cursing) and I turned it on and wham... that deliciously cool air felt so good ... for about 3 seconds ... and then wham again... the left side of my face exploded as my sinuses started screaming YIKES! MOLD!!

So now I can't breathe out of the left side of my nose, and my eye feels like it's going to fall out, and I really REALLY really didn't want to go to work all sweaty and hot and sinus compacted, but it didn't make sense to stay home when I need money and that's one way to get it. So, I was driving to work, and I just really wanted to cry and scream and rage and bash my head against the wall... maybe even set my hair on fire...

But I didn't do any of those things! I drove quietly to work... and spent the rest of the day sullen and quiet instead of raging and screaming which is what I really wanted to do but it didn't seem appropriate at my workplace. Mean time, my sinuses are just throbbing and sore. It hurts to blink!

Now, I work in a place where "negativity" is discouraged, frowned upon, and generally regarded as a "sin" and I'm in probably the most negative frame of mind I've been for quite a while. So, I'm feeling a certain amount of peer pressure to give my bad mood a positive spin. And it occurs to me that maybe if I would have just let myself have a little breakdown complete with crying jag that maybe my sinuses wouldn't be totally stopped up, and maybe I'd be feeling a little bit better in my body.



So, that was yesterday, and today I'm still hurting. The little medicine man I visited with this morning poked his finger at my cheekbone and said, "You need to let those evil spirits out of there!" And I did try... then, when I was posting for The Prosperity Project, I came across this:

Cutting off the Feelings:

Firmly planted in his loved or despised mind, our man is unaware that he is deliberately controlling his body. It is his body, with which he has certain external contacts, but it is not he; he does not feel himself.

Assume now, that he has many things to cry about. Every time he is stirred to the point of tears, he nevertheless does not "feel like crying," and he does not cry; this is because he has long habituated himself not to be aware of how he is muscularly inhibiting this function and cutting off the feeling - for long ago it led to being shamed and even beaten.

Instead, he now suffers headaches, shortness of breath, even sinusitis. (These are now more things to cry about.) The eye muscles, the throat, the diaphragm are immobilized to prevent the expression and awareness of the coming crying. But this self-twisting and self-choking in turn arouse excitations (of pain, irritation, or flight) that must in turn be blotted out, for a man has more important arts and sciences for his mind to be busy with than the art of life and the Delphic self-knowledge.

~Paul Goodman

Yowsers!!!
Does that guy have me figured out? or what??

Evil Spirits

Day 27 - Living by the book.

I'm sick today... my sinuses are totally stopped up... my eye feels like it's about to fall out of my head... pretty miserable. And so it was really fun and interesting to turn immediately to a little medicine man... a snake dancer and hugger... He poked a finger at my cheekbone and said, "You need to get those evil spirits out of there!"

My Back Yard

So... this is my back yard. Ever since I came back from Texas, I've been just totally in love with all the green.



Looks like I need a lawnmower, doesn't it? My one little sheep isn't keeping up with it too well is she? I think the grass is over her head in some places.



And this is my pond. It's pretty full right now what with all the rain. Believe it or not, there are actually a gagillion goldfish who live here. They share the space with snapping turtles, snakes, crawdads, and dragonflies. I'm sure there are other fish too, but the goldfish are the only ones I ever see. Early mornings a heron comes and stalks the pond. I can see her out my living room window. It's pretty cool.



Cinnamin loves the pond. If you look at the image full size you can see the sunflower seeds floating on the water. I had just got done "feeding the ducks" and she was curious about what I was throwing into the water.



And here's a picture of that wonderful cottonwood tree where the Leaf Dancers live. It's right outside the window of my meditation room, and I've really been enjoying it. I sit, with the window open, watching the leaves move, listening to the wind move them. Wow.

The Leaf Dancers

Here they are!
I love them so much!

Don't know what I'm talking about? You can read about them here.
And yes, I know my video skills still suck.

Being Open

Day 26 - Living by the book.

The first page I turned to was titled "The Oath" - it was very quiet and sacred. When I made myself open for whatever communication I might receive, I was met with: "Shhhh. Can't you see how important this is? We do this so we can live."

So I turned to another page and got an image of baskets and a message, "Just be open to receiving."

NOTE: This was the day of the Trauma Drama at the Rez. Not only was I open to receiving a free air conditioner, I also received a mega allergy attack. Thankfully those "evil spirits" are now gone!

LOL!

I was researching for images for a Prosperity Project post on pleasure vs pain. And, oh by the way... Here's a heads up guys!

Don't put the word pleasure into a google search if your "safe search" filter isn't on. Well... I don't know... on the other hand, if you're always using that safe search filter, and you want to cruise the "wild" side... maybe you should... just somthing to think about...

Anyway... after washing my eyeballs out with lye soap... and soaking my brain in a 90% solution of bleach... I came back to a more comfortable reality and found this cute little thingy...


Cyanide and Happiness by shirleytwofeathers on Zooomr

Being In My Body

Probably you haven't been following my posts on "Living By The Book" probably because I haven't been posting them very regularly, and then when I do put them up, I back-date them which effectively buries them... And I'm sure you didn't see the post about "Do first, talk later" because I only just now posted it...

Yes, it's getting late, and no this isn't a trick of some kind, and yes I did think that emptying the bathtub with the bucket was a good idea, and soon I'll be taking up basket weaving, and no this doesn't really make any sense, and yes I know this. However, I am going to make a point here ... I think.

So that day, I think it was June 1st or something like that, I did go and take a ritual bath, and it was really really good. And while I was scraping all of the daily bullshit off my aura, and the grunge off my body, it occured to me that in order to really be an effective channeler of energy, in order to fully connect to the earth itself and to the living beings that surround me, it just might be important to be fully connected to my own physical body, to really feel and really inhabit this woman body that I live in...

Now I realize that you might be thinking... well duh! That's a no brainer! And I did know this on an intellectual level ... HOWEVER ... this was the first time that I really "got" it at an instinctual gut level. How important it is. So... That's what I came here to say tonight.

Each one helps the other...

Day 25 - Living by the book.

Young men bringing willows to the Sun Dance Sweat Lodge. I could hear them milling about whooping and hollering. And I asked then, "What does this mean for me?" And one of them said, "We do what we can to help the others. We are all connected. By helping them, we help ourselves." Something like that, it was more of a picture and a feeling than actual words.

And I thought about Daniel, and how I'm going to help him today. Which brought to mind a Bible verse I really love, "Each one helps the other, saying to one another, take courage."

The Bathtub Test

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which define whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”



“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

My first video!

So here ya go. My first video ever! And it wasn't that hard either. Yeah, I know it would be better if it was right side up... details... details...



So, now that I have the first one under my belt I'm ready to go for the gold. You know, the one that will go viral in a matter of hours, the one that will be seen my millions of people all over the world...

It goes something like this. Daniel sets his hair on fire while I roll on the floor laughing. And the purpose of that video would be??? Well, to sell my art, of course!

Rambling thoughts on Creativity and Bloodletting

So today I was thinking about how on the blog, I'll go along posting something really serious and insightful and then I'll have a spurt of totally stupid (sometimes funny) stuff as if to negate or to offset all that seriosity. Kind of like the person who says something really heartfelt and real, and then they laugh... which, by the way, I do that too.... interesting...

So I was wondering what it was that was so serious as to bring forth the Church of Google and Escape Plan #452810b and I realized it was because of the realization that for me fear = creativity. And when I thought about it and took it one step further, I realized that I believed that to be authentic, honest, and real, you have to be suffering - which brought me to the Exploring Emotions exercise at the prosperity project. And I'm thinking that if I could just be RELAXED, then I'd find it possible to be Real and Creative and Authentic all with a MINIMAL amount of fear and suffering.

And while I was thinking about that, I was reminded of the story of Kali, which sent me on an Internet search for images that brought me to Chinnamasta, the goddess who cuts off her own head. I love this picture. I think I'm going to recreate it. I'll buy a canvas and paint her. Big, Bold, and Bloody. I could put the painting .... hmmm ..... ..... where??

Plan of action

Day 24 - Living by the book.

The chief of the souts, returning to the main party, tells what he has seen and experienced. While the he speaks, the war leader stands slightly in advance of his man and carfully listening to the words of the scout quickly forms his plan of action.

Wow!

My plan of action for today - relaxation is the focus, interestingly, bloodletting was also involved!

Just call me Reverend Shirley

OK, so I got so enthusiastic about the Church of Google, that I became a Minister. Yes! I am now a bonafide MINISTER in the Church of Google! Don't believe me?

Here's proof:

Looking for answers to life's bigger questions? You've come to the right place!

Custom Search

Our Mission Statement:
Seek and ye shall find! Ask and ye shall receive! Knock and the door shall be opened unto you!

My Sister's Newest Book

So my sister sent me a draft of her newest book. Did I tell you she is a writer? She is! And she actually writes books! Not only does she start them, she also finishes them. And sometimes she even writes them in code!! Check this out! When I opened the file, this is what it said:

tm)2Ë$2e3¢¢d‰(tm)8y3/4?þçŸÿüq{·a-GiòêÑÉ"ãG^˜
ÓQ"L^=ú·o?äåEŒ‚8MÂWVaþèÏþÿüÿ1/49J‡‹Y˜-o'ä/oyuZó-ß}-§á,ÈŸ¤ó0áÅqšÍ‚‚o³Éw³ "YÌÓÙ(¢AGÅê"§ÇÇ珪·I_=ZdÉËê--Ï¢a-æ鸐?y(tm)ŽÇÑ0¬3/4Ô'}Îç-y]Y}âwYs†4ɧѯßmöGߍGœÖorkzˆÛY\ÿÞrþ9Ÿ6Ê‚%÷1‹Ëc/Ól4ÏÒa˜çüôºñîOŽMŸ]PÞâî/çëŸYŸdDÉÝÛw´îÿîòžpyß•Ÿý1/4Õ§
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W&µ¸-ù<Š "a ³Ûð'r}Ç‹Bì2öy'ˆ' qxä­Ã]œèÞ³1/4Ç^Ï"'Xó0ÆϱÛSø¥‹¢s¦ZE8OÎN(r)(96ÌÛ-Õƒ6'L1/4‰ 1žåøêâÅÉUg ƒ,^y³4KÄ j_Y" ]KôÅäñƒù<'B ÆOÖ>{Ê鋤¡æ=9ØÆ"ßñëã"7Ÿœ~"ê}Ççÿ°òÆY"Ë"vOJ"G.OϏOw+Bþ'÷¯ÁíÊû3/4Å!;~>1/2ró~J
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d"ÊŸE"iáM¢î"K8ÞË,‡(tm)­1/4¥Yœzc5‚}Óm]œ?=~¶[+ì¿3}`oNI'(c)ä1B\¤eºˆGÞ$,H"qyï",,Ù(tm)œLÉÝG*oŸ-åN¹Ù8æ7Lsñúüüúy*ã±ñ1/2QU)¬YØ9Ìþ5wÎ...Ìç÷\GotÈÃ!l..._ÙfŽ]ÂÇq""!Š%£mËËC'2†£Ð›F³öG7µpoé=6£7c€<ÃØýôÆô•p,†Ó w4¯h´ñãè†ü¯-ÏÃ!}}Þ(Œ±'†ö†4uûªvɬzÇ¡m~´QÏæ bý•>ò
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And I'm like.... huh??? Ok, Gracie, I'm pretty intelligent, but hey, I'm not THAT smart! Well, whenever I am confronted with a problem, I turn to the Church of Google. Through which I was directed to a program that might possibly decipher it. I have downloaded said program twice now, and both times my internet connection has gone away before the download was complete.

So, I'm wondering... is this some sort of Alien Cypher? Did you CHANNEL this book from Andromeda? or Sirius? or... the Pleides? Is there an alien conspiracy working to ensure that this book is never read by simple humans like me?

More fun stuff can be found at my new website: Hey It's Me

Spear Fishing

Day 23 - Living by the book.

Found myself watching a spear fisherman. He wanted me to be very quiet and still. Explaining that as the mud in the water cleared the fish could be seen resting at the bottom.

So I sat very still, but my mind was as restless as the leaves on the cottonwood tree outside my window. And it occurred to me that too much sugar, too many too late nights on the computer were acting to cause sludge and turbulence, making it hard to see what I am looking at.

Patience is needed. And stillness. Quiet persistence. Focus.

Escape plan # 452810b

Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel?



LOL
Isn't that just about par for the course?

I don't know about you, but sometimes it sure seems like that's how it works for me!

Things You Should Know About Shirley

My sister, bless her heart, kept a word-for-word dictation of my thoughts and feelings about Me. Wanna hear it? I was angry and frustrated and depressed that day, so it's quite a rant.

• Shirley isn’t good enough,
• Shirley doesn’t make good decisions,
• Shirley is a failure and Shirley is a fraud.
• Shirley should stop whining and complaining and start taking care of business.
• Shirley should stop sabotaging every good thing that comes to her.
• Shirley should stop being embarrassed about all the things she knows how to do and start fucking doing them.
• Shirley shouldn’t badmouth Shirley all the time.
• Shirley should stop relying on other people’s opinions instead of her own.
• Shirley needs to stop looking for validation outside of herself.
• Shirley should practice what she preaches; she should use her skills that she has and use what she knows.
• Shirley should stop avoiding and start wading into what is right in front of her.
• Shirley needs to practice unconditional love.
• Shirley spends too much time on the computer.
• Shirley is hiding out.
• Shirley is an outcast -
• Shirley will do anything to avoid humiliation including and especially living a full life.
• Shirley doesn’t deserve good things because she is a fraud.
• Shirley is fraudulent because she isn’t authentic in the way she lives, acts, or thinks.
• Shirley needs to do something scary every day or at least every week.
• Shirley needs to go out side every day.
• Shirley isn’t special, wonderful or loved;
• God doesn’t like Shirley.
• She isn’t safe in the world.
• Shirley isn’t as spiritual as other people think she is.
• If people really knew Shirley, they would find her too intense and they woudn’t like her at all.
• She would get on their nerves.
• Shirley isn’t a good artist – she’s lucky - her pieces are accidents and other people are being nice but they don’t really mean it – or they don’t know any better.
• Shirley isn’t wise – that is why her life is such a mess.
• Shirley’s got so little compassion and love her youngest won’t speak to her and she judges her oldest severely.
• If Shirley were successful she would not be in debt.
• Shirley has no relationship with a lover –
• Shirley is untouchable - Impregnable, safe, powerful, and mean.

Well, so now you know... Yes, it's all true... Yes, it isn't true at all... I'm so silly sometimes! How about you? What do you say about you when the shit hits the fan?

Drumming and Dancing

Day 22 - Living by the book.

So today a Klamath grandfather said to me, "Well come on. Let's do some drumming... some dancing."

So I did. I felt really awkward and stupid at first, dancing around with my little remo hand drum, but then I put the drum on the top of my head, and I could feel the vibration spilling down into my body and it was very invigorating.

Cool!

Check this out! I'm PURPLE!!

What color is your soul painted? Purple Your soul is painted the color purple, which embodies the characteristics of sensuality, spirituality, creativity, wealth, royalty, nobility, mystery, enlightenment, arrogance, gaudiness, mourning, confusion, pride, delicacy, power, meditation, religion, and ambition. Purple falls under the element of Earth, and was once a European symbol of royalty; today it symbolizes the divine. Click Here to Take This Quiz

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