Thursday, January 17, 2008

Doing the Mantra

In July of 2004, my sister and I had a dialogue via email. Reading it today was Deja Vu All Over Again, and this was my answer to the Good Advice and the mantra my sister gave me:

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I know you are right.
Worry, worry, worry.
I'll do the mantra.
Fret fret fret.
I'll do the mantra.
It is a beautiful day
Yesterday was too.
Saturday we had a cold hard rain
I had to wear a coat
I almost turned on the heat.
This is a beautiful mild summer.
I think I'll go outside and drink my coffee.
Be in the now moment.
How profoundly simple.
How profoundly difficult.
For me
It's all about how to feel safe in the world.
Most of my fear is based on a core belief that I am not supported
or safe
Finding a way to feel safe
Will money and a regular pay check make me feel safe?
Maybe so, maybe not.
When I explore my feelings - and what I mean by that - when I stop trying to avoid, change, or stuff them - I find that dread gives way to grief - fear gives way to fatigue - fatigue gives way to grief - grief gives way to I don't know what - probably joy - but I haven't let it go that far. The feelings get too big and I go find something to do, or something to eat, or someone to call, or something to worry about.
I understand why people get "saved".
I'm going to go outside
Sit on the ground
Enjoy the Earth Mother
Drink coffee
contemplate the now moment.
fret about it
maybe even fall into it
say the mantra.
Love Shirley

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