Besides money, what is the biggest thing that stands in the way of having the life you really want?
3 years ago
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Here's a question!
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Back in February of last year, this was my answer:
At first I was thinking, "Oh that's easy. The answer is energy." But on second thought, it's not really that simple.
Maybe if I had enthusiasm, I could find energy. Or maybe if I had more discipline, I would eat properly and exercize properly and create energy... Or if I could overcome my resistances to my daily dramas it would free up some of my energy.. Or if I felt more hopeful that I could really actually accomplish the life I really want, that might give me a nice little boost of energy.. Or.. and the list goes on.
And when I look at that list, it occurs to me that.. actually the answer really is ENERGY.
Now... almost a year later, I think the answer has actually changed. I think the answer to this (at least today) is TIME! I've got the energy, I've got the enthusiasm, I've got a plan... several of them actually...
TIME! That's what I need.
I think the main thing holding me back from the life I really want is more physical right now than anything. I used to have the ability to put 100% into something and finish it all the way through. I used to be able to move my own furniture, and clean the floors well in my own house. Physically, I am not what I once was. I have never had money, and so that is always a pie in the sky dreamlife anyway. It's the ability to actually physically accomplish daily tasks and take on bigger projects that has me stymied right now. I am working on learning to find alternative methods to reach some sort of achievment. It is a challenge! But, there has to be ways. Energy is also a part of that for me, and I think that the lack of it is directly tied with my physical self and my completely full and overwhelming life. However....on some levels, my life is exactly the way I want it. I have four healthy, beautiful children that I get to spend a lot of time with. I get to love them, and be their family. Besides having lots of money to make sure all of their needs are taken care of, and learning to work my physical challenges into solutions, my life is pretty okay.
My first impulse was "Fear is the only thing holding me back", but that's not the whole truth when I think about it. I have a job that is pretty cushy when I think about other jobs I could be forced to do, and it's provided my family with a steady income and good benefits for almost 5 years, during various bouts of my husband's unemployment. It's not really fear that's holding me back from leaving my job and pursuing the career I have dreamed of for 30 years. It's more a feeling of obligation and responsibility to make sure we aren't tossed into sudden financial turmoil. I know I could go get a temp job any old Tuesday and still provide the basics for my family, so I don't think it's so much fear, as the need to make sure my family is taken care of, even if that means I have to put off my own desires for a few more months. Isn't that supposed to be the mark of maturity in today's world? The ability to delay gratification, the ability to control your impulses to just shuck it all and blow with the wind, and instead stick it out in a job you are totally burned out on until you have paid off your credit cards? Gosh, I feel so adult and mature and responsible - SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!! :) I AM going to shuck it all and go where the winds blow me in just 4 1/2 months if all goes according to plan!
Some limiting, painful thought that is skulking around in there and hasn't been dug up and examined...thoroughly...with love and understanding.
I find myself pondering all of what twofeather, michelle and melissa said. I can see parts of my life in all of them. I still feel that the only thing holding me back is money. I am sure that energy, physical problems and a responsibility for someone else are all playing a part but if I had the financial resources I could do what I feel lead to do without having to compromise the others. I also think fear of failure plays a part, especially after yesterdays debacle. Saw a magnet that said "what would you do if you knew you could not fail?" or something like that. I feel sad because I am not sure what I would do. I know things I wouuld like to do but I am not sure that I am not doing them because of fear of failure. Oh this is getting to convoluted. I still think money is the biggest thing standing in my way. So there!!! LOL
Am I GCG and when did I post that?
- from you know who!
Yes "anonymous" you are GCG ... you posted it a year ago february. I love you, and I love posting stuff "for" you.
I love you too!
motivation to do things i dont find interesting
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