Thursday, June 5, 2008

Hating my job!

I just love it when I can post stuff that my sister says, I don't know if you guys feel the same way or not, but since I love it, and it's my blog, I'm doing it anyway.

So, today I sent the following email to my sister:

I am really hating my job. Today I felt like I was going to throw up when I thought about having to come in. And here I am... my whole body almost rigid with resistance... I think it's because there will begin to be an ongoing and determined effort on the part of management to push push push for numbers and stats... and OMG I just HATE that. Plus, I heard that gas prices are expected to hit $6 a gallon by the end of summer, and so there's all that worry and fear... my income drops... and the idea of getting an even lesser paying job that I would like better seems out of the question... unless there was something really really close to where I live.

I have more to say, but I have to get this sent so I can get to work repeating meaningless platitudes over and over and over again for hours and hours and hours to the same people who call over and over and over again every day...

I'm feeling nauseous again just thinking about it.

And this was her reply:

Okay, as to your job, I’m going to yank out the Eckhart – sorry. The hallmark of conscious ‘doings’ is: acceptance, or enjoyment, or enthusiasm. Don’t resist reading this because it is very, very interesting and I’m not suggesting you just “Accept” your fate! Acceptance is the baseline energy field, enjoyment being higher and enthusiasm being an energy level that is higher than that. If you can’t bring a level of acceptance into your job, there is a message for you to go. The message sounds a little louder if the working conditions are setting up to put you in a position of being in trouble for not meeting goals, if that is not what you are interested in doing.

(side bar: absolutely right... I have no interest in meeting any one's goals but my own... no interest at all... nada.. nothing... zilch)

Now. At this moment in time you see no way to do anything else, so here is my unsolicited advice: meditate whenever you can, in your quiet alone time, driving, just waking up, etc, on the open-ended question of God – what do you want, what does creation want from me?

(side bar: OK, Gracie, here's the thing. I've been asking God and the Universe, and The Powers That Be what the hell they want from me for most of my natural life and a good part of my unnatural life... and if God or Whoever would just pop in for a nice little visit one day, or even do some writing on my wall.. whatever... that would be just great! But at this point I'm thinking that's never gonna happen... )

Hold the question space often, always, consistently. This is the field of all possibilities, the space of the unanswered, conscious question. Leave the answer to the universe – you are simply holding space for an answer and sometimes, creation needs time and circumstances to line up and sometimes that requires waiting. Know that you are not stuck at Unity forever. It is impossible. Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass. And, while you are there, this is your doorway to freedom.

(side bar: so true... nothing lasts forever. One day I'll be DEAD, and that job will be OVER, and my financial problems will be SOLVED.)

Feel the resistance in your body and be with it without going into the story that you need to get away from the circumstance that is causing the resistance. For all we know, this is your whole life’s work, to dissolve a rigid wall inside of you that will melt walls in the world and pave the way for serendipity and spontaneous happenings for many, many people. The discomfort of resistance is intense, but the resistance is there and must be felt consciously or it will come back in every other form it can until it is brought out into the light of consciousness and transmuted into an enormous amount of energy.

(side bar: OK... you're my sister and I love you. I also respect you and appreciate you. But I'm not sure that I agree here. It seems to me that what you focus on grows. And if I sit with my resistance... it just gets bigger and bigger until it's about to choke me. If, on the other hand, I put my mind to how best to avoid having to work while I'm at work, I feel much better about the whole situation.)

When you free up that energy field you will have all that energy behind your natural spiritual power and your experience of the world will be so much more supportive. This is something I know. I have spent years working on certain very uncomfortable energy fields inside me, and I have seen it operating in Carol very, very clearly, and beyond that, it is just plain true. I feel something real, focused, direct and almost channeled at times – that is a power that was freed up from doing inquiry for years.

(side bar: grudgingly I accept that you might possibly be right.)

Now, the fear story about gasoline is very crippling and it sounds like you are going to have to feel fear too. All of us are required to feel fear, but a fraction are capable of doing it consciously and changing fear energy into creative energy. I would, if I were you, work on the resistance first and to the extent you can, just notice the fear story tape running in your head. People love to generate fear and talking about future disasters like gas at $6 a gallon is right up there as a fear generator. There are more possibilities in the universe than either/or and the ego loves to think in very limiting terms like always, never, but and should. It will refuse to think in terms of IS because that is too close to God. Right now, gas prices are what they are.

(side bar: I'm actually really good at changing fear energy into creative energy. Really good at it. As a matter of fact, whenever I get nervous about anything, my first impulse is to start something new. And not something small and new either. Usually it's something hugely stimulating and creatively challenging. As a matter of fact, right now, at this moment I have 3 art pieces in "the cooker" and 4 in progress.

Hmmm... LIGHT BULB MOMENT... could it be that I have a belief system that says I cannot be creative if I don't have major discomfort going on in my life???)

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