Face it - I'm a Coward

People must face that which they fear. Life is painful at times, and spiritually, we are meant to face the pains that life presents. In the Western world, however, we often misrepresent God's plan for us and expect life to be comfortable and free of trouble. We measure God's presence in our lives by our level of personal comfort; we believe God is here if our prayers are answered. But neither God nor Buddha nor any other spiritual leader or tradition guarantees or encourages a pain-free life. Spiritual teachings encourage us to grow past and through painful experiences, each of which is a spiritual lesson. This is what Caroline Myss says. And I do believe that to be true. I believe it totally and completely all the way up until it comes time for me to actually face one of my own fears. That's when it all breaks down. I get scared, and I freak out, and I start praying and visualizing and calling my friends. I pull out all the stops, magic - shamanism - religion - family - you name it, and I'll use it. Anything and everything that I think just might deliver me from whatever it is that I'm scared of. There's this old saying, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." I'd like to think that's how I live my life. I'd like to think that I actually have the courage to move through fear in a good way. I'd like to think that I have courage. Truth be told, I'm a coward. And since I really don't want to be a coward, and since I really do want to life a fearless life, I continually pull myself out of situations that seem "safe" and (therefore) boring and yet because I am actually a coward... I don't then put myself where I might actually get "hurt"... so I play around with the illusion of danger and the illusion of safety and it's all a big sham covering up the fact that I want to life a fearless life but I'm afraid to.